AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

Your friend’s son is very unlikely to have got a “contextual” offer - leaving an independent school for a grammar sixth form won’t flag up any contextual bells at all. They can see where you did your GCSEs. He may have come across better at interview, been interviewed / considered by a different college - it’s quite a lottery as there are so many students with tip top grades and things to offer. Your friend messaging you is unfair and irrelevant.

Contextual offers are if you have been at a school who rarely gets anyone into Oxbridge or similar - for the bulk of your schooling. Not just a sixth form switch.

My kids were at a normal state comprehensive and then at a fully comprehensive sixth form college - not at all selective. If it makes you feel any better, despite many of the sixth formers applying to Oxbridge and coming out with excellent a star grades, I think I only heard of one of two getting offers out of about 1000 this year. One of my sons friends was at a comprehensive school where only 40% of the students passed their GCSEs yet he came out with loads of 9s and a stars at a level. His 9s and a stars were going to be much harder for him to achieve than a child at a school where loads of his classmates are doing similarly. Think of the classroom disruption, peer influence.

I’m really sorry your son is disappointed but there are far fewer places at Oxbridge than there are wonderful students who could take those places up.

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

pretty offensive- most parents want that, not all of them can afford to send their children to private school

“Gaming the system’ also includes sending your kids to private school where they get more teaching than those at state school.

I say this as a parent who has used both versions.

My DD got exactly the same grades as your son OP but she had the misfortune to attend a failing local comprehensive. We live in a very rural location so there's no other option. Luckily her uni of choice offered her reduced grades, but she didn't need them.

I think it's really important that kids like my daughter get the same opportunities as rich city people

Rotten for your son & any young person who has missed their grades this year. A levels are such a slog.
From my understanding Oxford & Cambridge look at where you take your GCSEs, so moving from a private school to state for A levels wouldn't benefit an apllicant in any way.

Oxford & Cambridge don't give contextual offers, if you miss grades they may decide to accept you or not - each college being a separate self governing entity, this is at their discretion.

At my dds school some girls applying to Cambridge for the same course were given differing offers ie A star in degree subject V A star in any taken A level, but as far as I know Oxford is AAA for humanities & various for STEM - but the important thing is all prospective undergrads are given the exact same offer. This is stated on their website - if a college then lets you in with a slipped grade is up to them.

I wish your son the very best for the future - what a cracking set of results he has.

YABU and ridiculous

There is no “discrimination against private schools” as even the majority of state school pupils don’t qualify for contextual offers.

The idea behind them is that kids disadvantaged by life circumstances will be on a more level playing field.

I certainly wouldn’t be going on about resits, he can go to another university. The world doesn’t begin and end with Oxbridge

You presumably understand that it’s often harder for kids at state schools to achieve top grades as they have fewer opportunities than kids in independent schools. You can’t believe that state schools offer the same standard of education otherwise you’d have sent your child there. As such, top grades from state schools are generally more impressive than from private schools.

Kids from independent schools being discriminated against is bollocks. Look at the statistics for university students and what schools they come from. Privately educated kids are vastly over-represented.

The unis are cracking down on it, I was thinking of shifting my dc to a state school before applying to uni and was told they would look back at all school years, to check. So they are checking.

Your son missed his grade. Simple .
he had all the advantage of his private education but still he dropped a grade and the uni said no /try again.

Take durham. He will be alongside tonnes off "just missed oxbridge" .

Stop complaining.
You Do not understand contextual offers at all.

Yeah I’m from Edinburgh, and went to Edinburgh Uni, and it was massively full of privately schooled Oxbridge reject toffs.

My high school boyfriend got into Oxford and our fairly sensible English teacher asked why he wanted to go, given it was so far away. No one ever discussed Oxford or Cambridge applications with me or my siblings at school, despite us all having literally perfect grades. The idea that you might aspire to go to a top university was not even a thought. That's what state school children are up against.

All the replies you’ve had have been spot on. I hope you’re listening, OP?
Despite huge advantages, your son didn’t quite make the cut for Oxford. It’s not a catastrophe. It’s not the end of the world. Like many sixth formers, your son has made the very silly decision to insure an offer that he didn’t actually want. What you need to do know is to find him a place that he actually DOES want - you mentioned Edinburgh?
The last thing in the whole wide world he should be doing is going back to school to resit on a mission to prove himself to Oxford. Forget all the discrimination nonsense and support your disappointed son to find his path. His disappointment is not a trigger for you to start resenting contextual offers. The shitty education offer at comprehensives is not your business - because you bought yourself out of the system. Your business is your son and his next steps.

It isn't private vs state. Contextual offers don't work like that. It is specific schools, specific postcodes or specific circumstances.

I only went to a state school, so no doubt I’m a bit hard of understanding, but if your son didn’t get the grades he needed, how is that discrimination?
My son wanted to go to Imperial, but he didn’t get the extra A* he needed ( from a state school) so he went somewhere else. That is what insurance offers are for. I’m not sure what the problem is, OP.

I didn’t think grammar schools were eligible for contextual offers? It’s disappointing for your DS, but Durham is a superb university which is stuffed full of private school kids who missed out on Oxbridge. My own DS is going in to Y13 at private school and will be including Oxford, Durham and Warwick on his UCAS. He knows Oxford is a long shot and whilst he’d love to go, would also be happy at Durham or Warwick. He has a maximum of 10 kids in his A-level classes and has had huge amounts of input into his personal statement from school. If he can’t quite get the grades/offers with all the support he’s had, then that’s a reflection on him.

We agree he failed to get the required results we understand it’s a contract. He will do better next time. This is the first time he has failed at something and he has now said it’s a blessing in disguise. He will come back from it better he’s looking forward to resitting. Bear in mind he’s one of the youngest in his year he’s not even 18 yet he will fine. He now knows that hard work pays off and this time it’ll feel better getting into the university he wants to go to. He has accepted that he didn’t meet the requirements he said it himself “I didn’t meet the offer I want to resit” he’s a determined young man he won’t just give up. Durham is a great university I agree but that’s not where he wants to go he’s 17 I will let him resit because he wants to there’s nothing wrong with that.

Try going to a school where the teachers regularly don’t show up, when they tell you at parents evening that the can’t help your son because he is likely to pass and they are busy helping kids that will probably fail.

The contextual offers recognise those kids overcame significant challenges and did well. It evens the playing field and makes it fair.

You sound absolutely unhinged.

My father was head of 6th form in a state school every year he would comment on how x or y hadnt got in to oxbridge despite flawless academics. It’s just the way it’s always been. Think it’s a 1 in 11 chance.

Is this satire 🤣🤣🤣

While I understand what you’re saying, it is an active choice you and your son made to stay on at private school. We looked at our local 6th form college for our daughter and did talk her through the potential advantages there - I have friends who have sent their kids there and are using the access to Oxbridge packages to their fullest advantage (spending a week on Oxford studying which is only available for state school kids, for example). My daughter decided that for her emotional wellbeing she was better staying where she was (a decision we support 100%). She knows she would get lower offers if she’d gone state for 6th form, but at too much cost overall for her if she had to move somewhere new.

I laughed out loud at the idea in your op that ‘life is unfair’ !! Your son has had every possible advantage to date. He got an A with small class sizes, quiet lessons, excellent facilities, day in day out. That is no where near as good as the kid who manages a B in a class of 30 where some kid at the back is throwing chairs around. I wholeheartedly support contextual offers and wish there was more of them.

There is clearly a flaw in the system if it so easily gamed and people can use these contextual offers when they are actually wealthy and have largely educated their children privately.

However, it's a bit rich to complain about people gaming the system, when that's exactly what you did by buying your child a better education. So you are being unreasonable, and I say that as someone who is paying for part of DGS school fees.

This is a really valid point

You “wanted” your son to go to private school

you “want” Oxford/Cambridge

he got brilliant grades anyway - why waste a whole year when there are other options available -
im not understanding the logic here I’m afraid

but this thread has reminded me - even if we could afford it - of yet another reason to not send my kids to private school.

I think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children

Do you? How unobservant of you.

Contextual offers, while they vary between universities, are not at play with grammar school applicants. There may be specific reasons an individual who is at grammar school qualifies for a contextual offer but these would be significant eg a looked after child.

What did he apply for and what were his subjects? Have you explore a remark on the one he was closest to A* in?