AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

The isssue here is that he never actually wanted to go to his insurance choice. He was silly putting an insurance just for the sake of it his tutor warned us but son didn’t want to listen he thought he’d get into Oxford. This time round he will put an insurance choice that he actually wants to go to. He’s learnt not to put all his eggs in one basket.

I think it might be.

I know numerous state school applicants that didn’t get in if
it makes you feel any better 🙄

Exactly. Mine didnt qualify for contextual offers, average state school. Only schools in deprived areas or where there are other personal circumstances eg a child being a young carer will qualify. It’s by no means all state schools

I think the "hes so hardworking, he summered in s america / Romania/Dads firm/ yaucht crew /safari lodge staff /etc" is a very different world from "he shares a room with disabled sibling/ gets up st 5am for the cows/ has to cook for himself coz am on back shift"

And thats before class sizes, extra tuition, etc.

The majority of parents want the best for their children but don’t have rich relatives to pay for private schooling. You paid for an advantage and didn’t end up with it paying off. I feel sympathy that your son is upset but children who went to state school have known life isn’t fair many years before they completed their A Levels.

C’mon folks - this has to be a spoof. No one is this self deluded. Surely????

But you do know there is no guarantee he'll get into Oxford next year?

Pretty sure my maths teacher was drunk 90% of the time ... oh and there was that time I was enjoying a business studies lesson and the police came in to arrest the teacher for sleeping with a sixth from pupil. That was fun!

Guess what? I become an accountant... some fucking how!

He sounds extremely arrogant. Why did he think he would definitely get in?

Your son missed his offer. Them’s the breaks. My son got 3 A stars and didn’t get picked up from the ARP (Cambridge’s widening participation pool for state school kids who meet WP criteria). The kids in the pool get no contextual advantage. They still have to get the grade requirements for the courses and in most cases have to exceed them, as well as perform well in interviews and entrance tests in which the private school kids have a massive advantage of being prepped over many years to thrive in that world which is utterly alien to many non-selective state school kids. If you think state school kids are gaming the system and private school kids (well their parents) aren’t, then you’re completely off your head. Or maybe just not that smart.

Charitably I guess you’re smarting from the upset of your DS not being able to get everything he wants. Well mine didn’t either and he’s okay with that. Maybe state school gives you more humility or resilience or gumption to make the best of it without blaming everyone else, especially those less well off than you. You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re some average joe with 3 kids in private school. Seriously, wake up to yourself. Hopefully your son will learn something from all of this and be all the better for it.

Universities, quite rightly, take into account the elevation in grades gained by going to private schools.
I’m sure most parents would admit that child would not have got the same grades had they attended a bog standard state school.

@ThatQuickLilacOrca looking at it the other way, your son chose to not game the system.
You said he could have worked harder - it's a harsh lesson but a useful one for the future. You can't leave things to chance.
DD made the grade - her sixth form college fits the bill for contextual offers - still needed 2Astars and 2As.
She worked her socks off to ensure she achieved those grades and has had to work even harder still since getting there.
It's worth thinking carefully about resitting. The probability of increasing a grade on a resit, when you're not doing that subject for 2 hours + homework a day every day is low.
Are there any high ranking courses in clearing?
Is it engineering he's going for?

Mmmmm it’s possible that your son was being a little arrogant there, OP. I’m very surprised you didn’t sit him down for a serious talk about the importance of insurance places. Being myopic about Oxbridge is a path to misery.

You gamed the system by sending your DS to private school
It just backfired because he didn’t achieve the required results
Most DC from State schools fail the interviews for Oxbridge because they are ill prepared so suffer at the first hurdle. They don’t get any kind of practice for those interviews at all.

Remember that.
State schools don’t get prep after school every day unlike private schools or extra lessons during Easter holidays to pull up their grades.

If they're not getting the required A stars after all the many many hours of extra help they’re given then it’s no wonder state school DC are given a place with their well earned As and most will have still earned the necessary A stars too.

Your friends played the system which is unfair to all the state school DC and most certainly should not be allowed

Hopefully the Minister of Education will rectify that all DC who have taken their GCSEs at a private school will no longer be afforded contextual offers if they’re transfer for their A levels to a state school. It’s an unfair loophole

He's also been able to go to America and South America to teach and enter competitions. He's already getting the advantage of privilege.

Your friend’s son is very unlikely to have got a “contextual” offer - leaving an independent school for a grammar sixth form won’t flag up any contextual bells at all. They can see where you did your GCSEs
This. If you went to State 6th form it makes no difference as they only count state in certain postcodes towards contextual offers. Because private school parents were gaming the system by putting their kids in state 6th forms when, despite having paid for them to have smaller class sizes, not having to be in a classroom with disruptive kids and being coached to get into Uni vetsity they knew they still wouldn't hit the grades so thought they'd get lower offers if they pretended they'd been state educated.

How wonderful it must be to think about resit of a levels...I actually resat one of mine ...when I was working for a year. I got a d and was absolutely extatic

Your replies really show you don't get it. Your boy has had a fantastic head start in life. He will walk into really presdistidous universities, but because its not the absolute top your gutted.

Just think about the fact that in 1987 one kid from my school year went to university...any university...Out of 242

Have you rejected Durham? Please check that A levels resits will count before pining all hopes on Oxford.

This might be harsh but an able Math student who plans to study Maths at Oxbridge should be getting A stars in Maths and FM.

I do understand the frustration with contextual offers as in some subjects, especially Maths gifted students will succeed through self study. Most of the STEP or TMUA exams focus on problem solving rather than A levels syllabus so I don't think they should drop grades (unless circumstances impact exams).

The Op wants “the best of the best” for her children though. Most parents can only be arsed wanting “the best”. Thats why it is so unfair that her child didn’t get in to Oxford.

I mean independent schools and grammar schools outperformed comp schools massively according to the recent Financial Times. I’m not saying my son is the best of the best he will work harder this time round. He himself has said “nothing worth having is easy” so he will work even harder and redo two of his A Levels and next year we will have a different outcome. Neither I or DH went to oxford we can only guide him that’s where he wants to go and he’s determined. This has been a blessing for him I know he’ll get the results he wants next time. Nothing wrong with trying again oxford allows applicants to reapply.

Thanks OP. Needed a laugh.

As someone who grew up in a deprived area with the advantage of contextual offers, I'd like to offer my two-penneth. I think in theory it's a great idea to level up. However in reality it's not just about the grades or getting into Oxbridge.

You might get in, but once there, you're like a fish out of water. Mixing with so many privileged kids didn't help me, or level up. I was just a poor kid with good grades needing hardship loans to stay financially afloat whilst others rang mummy and daddy for more money. I'm not bitter - just with hindsight I'd have been better off at a local, albeit worse uni.

At the end I found myself too 'posh' to be accepted back home and took common to be with the Oxbridge lot.

Also of course private schools lie about predicted grades to get their students the necessary Oxbridge interviews in the first place.

Assuming this is a spoof post as it’s so mental.

In our small lovely city only one state out of 5 gets contextual offers. And if you get to Oxford from that school you bloody deserve a break. No private school families would “play the system” to that extent by sending a teen there. This has never happened.