AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

His offer recognises he has had a massive advantage being privately educated. It’s not about how much money his parents have, it’s that he had all the benefits of private school (which 90% of kids don’t have). He didn’t make the grade. That’s a shame for him but that’s life. He can retake or go somewhere else. Stop trying to put the blame on someone else and accept that either he didn’t work hard enough, didn’t have the ability or was just unlucky. But it’s not the system’s fault.

‘think this country likes to discriminate against children whose parents just want the best of the best for their children. ‘

This is insulting on so many levels, the idea that the 93/94% ( and growing) of us who use normal schools somehow don’t want the best for our children?

This is why we need to get rid of all private schools - this snobbery and superiority from those who use them. Luckily they seem to be pricing themselves out of existence.

You think it’s bad now OP - just wait until your DC is out in the real world, most people ( and employers) are going to be a lot less interested in your DS privilege then.

The best thing you can do is to stop trying to buy his way through life, bulldozing every obstacle out of his way. He’ll be the better person for it.

Good lord OP don’t make him resit. Let him move forwards. Durham is a great uni. And I say this as someone who teaches at Cambridge.

Oxford don’t even do contextual offers. Did you even bother to research in your resentment towards other more deserving children.

https://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/applying/guide-for-applicants/decisions/contextual-information

Oxford does not make lower-grade conditional offers at all. All applicants must meet the exact standard entry grade requirements for their chosen course.Instead of lowering grade boundaries for specific schools or groups, Oxford uses contextual information during the application review process to evaluate achievements fairly. Contextual data helps admissions tutors decide who to shortlist for interviews and how to assess performance in light of individual circumstances. Factors they look at include:Whether a school achieves lower-than-average exam results or has little history of sending students to Oxford.Your home postcode and local progression rates to higher education.Experience in local authority care, eligibility for free school meals, or being from a low-income household.

Which is all as it should be.

I think that you should check your racism. Plus, universities are full of international students and their much higher fees basically subsidise the fees of home students.

Fewer international students are now applying to UK universities and, as a results, many universities are struggling financially.

His school sound like they are giving terrible advice to be honest, resitting does not sound like the best option. I would try and talk to someone independent who won't be financially benefitting from your son resitting to get an alternative view.

Totally agree. The fetishisation of Oxbridge on this site is ridiculous. Meantime in the real world, no one cares‘

No-one cares! I hear Oxbridge and think - your parents had money. You had privilege. The other candidate almost certainly had to have worked harder than you to get where they are.
If anything it’s a bit off putting. It’s certainly not the big whoop some parents think it is.

A friend of my DS from a very well respected redbrick uni comes from a very disadvantaged background and DS said his school was in the contextual offer ‘group’. I’m not sure of the exact details but he was the first of his family to go to uni, and he’s now pursuing a career in academia w a view to getting a PhD . This would never had happened if contextual offers weren’t a thing.

DS also went to a ‘good’ comp and got his grades (3 A*), but cos of MH issues he got rest breaks and at uni he also had exam access arrangements. Is that ‘working the system’?

Your DS has chosen to resit, a year out isn’t a bad thing. DS did it too (deferred his place after results even though he got his grades). Your DS is privileged. We could never have afforded private school even for one child.

I agree and it really won’t suit everybody.

This is unintentionally hilarious OP.

Give your head a wobble. Your son had every advantage and you have no idea how hard it is for students without those. Contextual offers do a little bit to try and level a very unfair playing field. He still has good enough results to choose from an array of very very good universities and I am sure with such engaged parents and wealthy grandparents he will do just fine.

Contextual offers did not exist when I was applying to go to university. I was from a low income family and both my parents had left school at 16 with few qualifications. My mum died when I was 16, I spent my A level years working part time and taking on the lions share of household work such as cooking and cleaning as my dad worked long hours 7 days a week to make up for losing an earner in the household.

I still got four A levels, three the at A grade, but did not get the A in the subject I needed for Oxbridge. I still got a place at a Russell Group university and 30 years later it matters not a jot.

However the idea that life is less fair for your very privileged child compared to people like me is laughable.

Honestly the angst about universities is stacking deck chairs
on the titanic. The real worry is the graduate jobs market. Met a friend of a friend recently at a party son private school graduated from Oxford 2 years ago he can’t get a job neither can any of his friends.

The problem is that an A at a state school means an A. An A at a private school could either be an A, or it’s a B/C student who with years of scaffolding, private tutors, extra help, can get an A in an exam. It isn’t as meaningful. Which is a shame for the genuine A students at private.

It seems a lot of people don’t take into account the fact that anyone who needs coaching to get through A levels, or the 11+ where that exists, probably won’t be best served by the grammar system or Oxbridge. They’re likely to struggle and that’s going to have a detrimental impact on their self esteem, possibly for life.

Much better to play to your strengths and go somewhere you can have a well rounded education that also includes a decent social mix. Academic success isn’t better than vocational or practical or sporting success, we need all those talents and to stop thinking about academic skills as being superior to others. You just have to look at some of the mediocrity being rewarded in the upper echelons of our society to see that it isn’t superior at all once you’re outside of an academic context.

Not all state school students get contextual offers. Infact v v few do. Most Unis you need at least 2 contextual flags (eg PP, FSM, you cater). So your leafy comp kid needs to get the same grades as Eton

However, the kid who lives on the 13th floor of a shitty tower block, sharing a room with siblings and working as family need the money, deserves to be allowed to progress with lower grades. As they've fought harder for them. As does a child who has suffered a long term illness, loss of a parent or no food on the table from neglect.

Again, private school students are not being discriminated against, they just can't buy their way into Unis quite as easily as before.

The wealthy can game the system I suppose. Blame your fellow private school parents. Lots of us want “the best of the best” for our children by the way; we just don’t have the funds or our own parent funds for it. He missed his offer, that’s that.

I teach in a state school. Don’t worry, NONE of our students got into Oxbridge.

Always find this such an odd thing to say…
Do you think people who don’t send their children to private school don’t want the best for their children?

@ThatQuickLilacOrca
I think someone has either told you incorrect information or you've been riled up by online nonsense (or papers Luke the telegraph who really should no better). Going to a state school does not guarantee you a contextual offer. It really really doesn't. Admissions use very strict criteria in including things like the POLAR and ACORN tools (socio economic mapping tools that go down to the level of specific postcode) alongside proof (for example) that the pupil would be the first in the family to attend uni.
All unis including oxbridge are free to make different offers to different students...In reality oxbridge, LSE etc can pick and choose and set the bar very high. Bluntly many many kids will get A's and A stars (read the stats). He did really well to get offered a place. But he didn't get what was needed.
He would have been in a prime spot to secure something great in clearing but clearly that moment has passed.
Please don't blame all if this interesting decision making on unfair contextual offers because that just garbage and that attitude won't endear your son to admission tutors or graduate recruiters (many of us are state school educated after all, plus it betrays a lack of critical thinking).

Ok if this is actually a genuine post then god help him if he gets into Oxford second time round and then hates it. I think you should let it go to be honest.

OP if you aren’t happy with the service you bought from your private school/business then you should really take it up with them.

I know a lot of ordinary, state school kids, some from very disadvantaged families and couldn’t name a single one that were offered a contextual offer.
They're certainly not as common as you seem to think. Having your son re-sit with those grades seems a bit mad, no guarantee that he’ll do any better OR that he’ll get in to Oxbridge anyway

Resitting would be idiotic. A×,A,A is a brilliant set of results, to be proud of, opening many doors. There are excellent top-tier universities who will snap him up and set him on the path for an excellent career.

These grades are equivalent to 152 UCAS points which is achieved by about 12% of the cohort (about 38,000 people per year) - there is no shame in that. It shows intelligence and capability and he has every chance of getting a first class degree in the right course. About 4-5% (13000-14000 individuals) manage 160 UCAS points (2 A× and one A) and about 2.5% (about 8000 individuals) get 168 points which is the maxiumum you can get (3 A×) as even if you take more than 3 A-Levels, only the top 3 grades are counted)

Oxford and Cambridge between them admit around 7000 new undergraduates each year - not all of whom from the UK so not all selected from these cohorts. So there aren't even enough places for every single 168-UCAS-point candidate to get a place. They really won't be interested in reconsidering someone who moves up from 152 points to 160 points after a resit but if they did, he would not thrive, and would probably just be a below-average student in that context and get a 2:2 degree.

Your family are fettishising Oxford to an unhealthy extent. It's not even the most highly-ranked place to study in many subjects but any of the top 10/top15 universities for the subject your DS wants to study would be absolutely fine and probably a healthier environment for him than Oxford. Oxford doesn't have a high drop-out rate because they have got very good at selecting the people that will thrive, but it does still go wrong sometimes and about 35 students a year break under the strain of the first year - and that can include people who got those top 168-UCAS-point results first time around. It's much better to be among the top performing students at a top 10 non-Oxbridge university than it is to feel like the worst student among a cohort of geniuses.

You tried to buy him an advantage over our kids and are now salty that it didn’t work. A hard lesson that money doesn’t always triumph.

Oxford officially accepts applicants with resits, but they state that candidates who need retakes are generally less competitive unless severe extenuating circumstances affected the first sitting. That does not fit the op’s son and really he shouldn’t be going there at all if he didn’t manage to get the grades first time round with the huge advantage of a private education.