AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

I was privately educated until I was 16 and whilst I was never a candidate for Oxbridge I do have some experience of the universities as a working adult. You are wrong, very wrong if you think you aren’t privileged. You’re not rich because family money paid for your children’s private education? That is something only rich people say. Offers depend on many things - interview performance is a mega one. If your son was good but not great at interview they may have upped his offer based on that.

You cannot buy an Oxbridge place. Times have changed now and the universities recognise the games parents try to play. Fortunately most families who pay for private education do so because of the experience and are smart enough to recognise that it is a guarantee of nothing. As parents we can only do our best to give children the tools they need - some parents can afford more expensive tools than others - the rest is up to the children.

Around 30% of Oxbridge undergrads are privately educated but privately educated children only make up 7% of the population, so your argument that your son is being “discriminated” against just doesn’t hold weight. My GCSE maths class had 6 other children in it, in some state schools it’s a class of 25 on average. It doesn’t take a genius to understand why children at private schools get better grades. I struggled with maths at GCSE, really struggled, but put the work in and was proud of my C. Would I have got that at a state school, possibly not. Hard for you to hear perhaps but your son simply may not have achieved AAA at a state school.

My best friend at school got 5 As at A level - due to changing her mind about what subject she wanted to study at university so did another year at a private sixth form - she was one of the most academically minded out of our group. She got into Oxford on her first attempt and did eventually get through it but she really struggled and had to retake a year.

I know several people who were rejected from Oxbridge and resat and none of them were successful the second time round.

So think carefully if Oxbridge is right for your son. With AAA your son has the world at his feet and his whole future ahead of him. It’s a shame you’re choosing to focus on the fact he didn’t get into Oxford rather than celebrate his fantastic grades and enviable Durham offer.

If he's set on the resit year, how about doing another A-level in a year so that he will take 3 A-levels again next Summer? A science probably wouldn't be possible because of the practical work, nor literature because of the reading, but maybe English Language/ Politics/ Business/ RS?

I don’t know if it is the same now but in the past Oxford Brookes had a quite a few of rejected Oxford University applicants They got to study in Oxford and parents could say their child was in Oxford studying

It is a very good point, actually. I never ever considered Oxford or Cambridge because nobody at my school considered it when I was a pupil. Like it was not even an option to entertain, yet my friends and I applied and got to universities of our choice and were thrilled, it was that we never thought we could apply. To us it would have been the same as applying to the Bologna or Sorbonne - out of our reach!

I use the word ‘toff!’

State schools over predict as well. They aren't clueless martyrs.

Pretty sure Hogwarts was free, no way the Weasleys could have afforded fees for 5 kids.

So I grew up in the centre of Oxford. Very close to the unis. Still live there - well, on the outskirts now. Couldn't afford a house in Oxford!

Ive met 1000 of Oxford students and Oxford Brooks students (in pubs, clubs, just around - i never want to the uni)

...and i can confirm not one of them said 'i go to Oxford brookes' they just say Oxford 😅

They were on a bursary, silly!

Wasn't it supposed to be the only school in the UK for magical children? No mention of a middle class of wizard families earning too much for bursaries but not enough to pay fees!

Your family has spent an enormous amount of money sending your child to private school trying to gain an unfair advantage for your child.

It didn’t pay off. Universities have finally realised that the way to get the most talented children is to take account of the fact there is an advantage to going to a private school.

Take heart OP. He’s still got a lot of the unfair advantages you bought for him and will still go to an excellent Uni, probably above children who worked harder and had more natural talent, as you wanted.

After a while, when I realised that it is not better than a state school, i did not withdraw because of the atmosphere, manners, Latin, discipline, surroundings. I myself was state school, so not familiar with private schools at all and I thought that tuition would be better, which was not the case.

State schools are more realistic though.

DS wasn’t predicted what he wanted and the teachers at his state school stuck to their predictions but when they started yr 13 and they all took assessments his predicted grade increased based on that.
His results were the same as predicted apart from one subject which meant he only got into his insurance. 2 A stars in Maths and FM, A in Physics and a B in Chemistry. He was quite lazy though and did everything last minute. Silly boy.

I've known a couple of real clunkers of teachers who moved from the state system to private schools in Edinburgh.

One had been allowed to remain as a probationer for several years before finally losing their GTCS registration. The other was a pretty poor linguist who had finally been caught out.

I recall my surprise when I discovered that one of our Learning Support teachers was earning extra cash by tutoring pupils who attended a well-known school for gals in Edinburgh. They were failing Higher English, apparently - in spite of small class sizes and all the other benefits of being in a private school.

We actually provided extra tutoring for Higher English pupils in our state secondary - no payment required. (Mind you, we were doing it on a voluntary basis: the school wasn't giving us overtime.)

he could have worked harder he tried his best

Which half of this sentence is true, because they can't both be.

That is exactly what I am on about!

My ds went to a state school and got 4 A levels - 3 A stars (in maths, further maths and chemistry with 100 ums in both maths papers ) and A in physics. He applied to and got an offer from Cambridge but went to Durham and got a first in MMath. Nearly everyone there had 3 A*s and nany struggled.
Your sons A level results are not as good as you tbink. You are deluded. He is not oxbridge material if he can't walk FM A level!
And they are very unlikely to give him an offer based on resits!

Both are true - you know how athletes are often broken - they try their best and then coaches ask for some more - so he could have reduced his sleeping hours, he could have slapped nicotine patches or whatever else they do to stay alert -

Im confused so is he going to Durham or is he going to retake and try for Oxford ?

If teachers are not up to scratch (as in our private school) class sizes are irrelevant. And how extra curriculars are relevant? And alumni? How do extra curriculars and alumni impact exam results?

I also really don't understand all this noise about class sizes - if teachers are rubbish, class sizes are irrelevant.

Forgot to add, in our school we had 2 PhD teachers in STEM, who could not teach for toffee, we, parents, had to explain to the headmaster, than knowing a subject to a PhD level does not make you a better teacher - the absurdity of it!

I know of people who resat and got in the 2nd time, good luck! Please recognise that your son is in a very privileged position to be able to consider doing that, many would not be able to due to finances, parents expecting them to move out at 18 etc.

Those are fantastic results OP, it might mean that Oxford wasn't meant to be but there are other universities, maybe look further afield, doesn't have to be the UK.

Does Oxford accept resits then? Did your son's school not check if remarks could be done to bump up one of the As to A*. I mean I'm struggling to accept this is anything more than a goady post. Not aware of children getting contextual offers simply for being at a state sixth form unless the school is in an underrepresented area which I imagine most grammar sixth forms that you speak of most definitely wouldnt be.