To resent carrying all of the mental load of catering for DSD's dietary requirements

[orangefoxsoda]

This probably sounds awful but hear me out. DSD7 is with us full time for the summer. She lives abroad with her mum and her school dates are different, so she's with us for about another month. DP ex is a different religion to us, DP converted while married to her so is technically the same religion, but doesn't practice.

DSD doesn't eat certain foods while with DP ex for religious reasons. She also doesn't eat certain combinations of foods together. DP ex has always wanted us to stick to these dietary requirements when she's with us, which of course I respect.

DP takes zero responsibility for mealtimes when DSD is here. He will occasionally cook for the kids when she's not here, but when she is he expects me to take on the mental load of planning things she can eat and our other kids will also eat. DDs are fussy eaters and a lot of the meals they will happily eat are things DSD can't, and aren't easy to adapt without having to make two separate meals. DSD is very overweight currently so I don't want to just put a ready meal in front of her, which DP would do most nights if I didn't cook.

AIBU to want him to take more responsibility? He has actually followed this diet so has a better idea of what to feed her than I do anyway.

Disrespectful to describe religious dietary restrictions this way! And unreasonable - it would be horribly stressful for DSD to be repeatedly offered food she knows she shouldn’t eat - and likely she would end up not visiting if her mother knows this is what is happening - unfair to her and her father. I agree it is super annoying that DH will not help with the meal planning or cooking. I think the only way to make it a bit easier on yourself is to design a full meal plan for the remaining time which includes at least one day a week when the evening meal is a takeaway where there are varied options to suit the restrictions or DSD is given a ready meal.

The dad chose to have a relationship and a child with a Jewish woman. We cannot say it’s nothing to do with him.

Oh I hadn't clicked that was what was behind some of the diet restrictions. OK I understand not eating pork, because of the possibility of a worm if not handled correctly. And I get that shellfish can be a bit dicey, especially if time has passed since they were caught to transport them inland. But how is separating eating dairy and meat protective from illness? Or not eating beef? (again not thinking about any specific religion)

This is not about religion. The religion is a red herring. This is about family dynamics.

And I wish that people who do not have a deep understanding of Judaism would stop presuming to explain it away. If you want to do that, start your own thread in Philosophy and Religion. This is not the thread for it. This thread is about supporting a poster with a complicated family dynamic which just happens to involve a religion.

I'm guessing either Muslim or Jewish. I live with my Muslim partner. It's not that difficult. Check there is no pork in the food and no alcohol. Job done. Unless they insist everything has to be halal / kosher then that can be difficult.

So you’re expecting the @orangefoxsoda to “design a full meal plan”?

It’s as though you think working mums aren’t busy enough as it is, in the summer holidays.

If someone told me to “design a full meal plan”, then shop for it, then cook it, in the middle of the summer holiday, I would tell ask that person if they were taking the piss. Then tell them to do one.

There are multiple dynamics at play with this situation and OP cannot fulfil the demands of them all, nor should she have too! It all has little to do with her being more or less supportive of DSD's Judaism and more about OP's partner not pulling his weight and supporting his daughter.
Her DSD's Kosher diet is not actually Kosher, but restrictive enough to cause planning and dietary issues. Her husbands ex is demanding adherence and she is trying her best to please her at the same time as their her fussy eater children with very little support from her partner.
She is not being unreasonable to expect support with the extra work the dietary requirements entail. She is doing her best and her DSD is no less Jewish for her efforts.

The wait between meat and dairy was basically an ancient food safety rule. Without fridges, mixing them could mess with your stomach or make you sick, so they built in a long pause to let everything digest. Wrapping it in religious rules just made sure people actually took it seriously

Rubbish.

Your DH should definitely at least be sharing the responsibility for meal planning.

For the DSD my suggestion would be alternating days as meat and dairy.

The meat days can be things like roast, burger, stir fry, spag bol etc. The veggie days if your other kids won't eat without meat then cook some meat separately to the main dish and stir in once you've taken DSD's portion out or serve it on the side (this is what I do as only veggie in the house).