Couples holiday grief

[notmyrodeonotmymonkeys]

Please help mn I’m not sure what to do.

Couoles A B and C are going on holiday tomorrow. They are driving in in 2 cars. Couples A and B live in the same town so they are travelling together. Couple C are coming from a different direction and are travelling separately. The holiday has been split equally 3 ways and everyone intends to pay for themselves whilst there. Travel costs for petrol and parking will be approximately £120 per car. Couple A intended to pay for their costs as they know couple B earn significantly less than them (about 30k a year less) but would be happy if couple b get them a couple of drinks or similar.
Couple C have now approached Couple A and said they think it’s unfair Couple B are not paying for their travel expenses and that it would be fair to split it 3 ways. A pointed out that B do not have much money and C replied that they treat themselves plenty (which is true they are very much live for today). A feels uncomfortable broaching B for money especially at such late notice as it’s too late for them to make alternative arrangements should they want to.

Yabu B should pay their fair share
YANBU C is wrong to ask for shared costs

Would never go on hols with other couples. Even if they paid me for petrol, accommodation, food. Coming to think of it, even if they paid me a thousand pounds. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Agreed, completely changes it.

Tell couple C that next year you're planning the same group holiday much closer to their home and will expect them to contribute towards couples A and B travel costs. Perhaps A and B will decide to hire a chauffeur driven limo.

If couple A are the parents and B and C are the adult children plus partners, I have sympathy with couple C.

I am couple C in my family dynamic. I am much more comfortable financially than my cousins. But that is partly because I had to move out of home at 17 because of my parents' abuse and addiction issues. I had no option but to work incredibly hard knowing there was no safety net. Now I'm minted compared to my cousins, who both kind of failed to launch despite having devoted parents, loving home, great childhoods, etc. But they get all the support and bunged extra family cash every few months to 'make it fair'. It pisses me off no end even though I can see all the rational arguments for why it shouldn't, it still does.

Having said all that, if A, B, and C are all adults who are just friends with each other, then A and B's arrangements are nothing to do with C and they are being really weird making an issue of it.

Nothing to do with C.

Although I think they have a point if, as someone suggested that A is parents and B and C are their children especially if the subsidising B but not C is a frequent situation or when C is subsidised B is always given an equivalent.

However if B spends a lot of money then claims poverty and people tend to do the "oh they've never any money so I don't mind paying for them", and C is on similar amounts but saves carefully I can see how it grates.

If that is the case then it may come from a situation where they feel that B will be expecting to be subsidised all holiday by one or the other of you, while talking about all the things they spent unnecessary money on for the last month and basically C is giving you a heads up that they're not up for that any more.

If it was about accommodation then I could maybe see C’s point, but how couples A and B are getting there is none of C’s business. If there’s any contribution to be made, B should be going halves with A. What C pays is entirely unconnected. They’d be paying £120 if couple B were driving themselves. They don’t get to demand £50 from couples A and B just to make their own parking cheaper.

BUT if this is just the latest in a long line of examples where you’re all related and couple B are constantly being subsidised and let off the hook where couple C are expected to suck up unfair and unequal treatment, then couple C needs to stop complaining about it and do something about it, like stop joining in with holidays etc.

If this is a sign of what the holiday is going to be like, I’d cancel the whole thing now. It sounds like it’s going to be an utter nightmare, especially if you’re all planning on eating together as well, with one couple being subsidised and the other couple counting tea bags. That’s going to be fun.

It may explain a history of perceived favouritism but we have done family holidays in shared accommodation and none of my DC challenged others travel expenses. Some have driven themselves, some car-shared, some flew, some by train at different times.

How do you know each others salaries?! That’s the odd part of this equation!

I call bull, are MN making up threads? This can't be real. FFS.

That sounds like a fun holiday

How do you know how much you all earn its absolutely ridiculous sorry

If there is an issue already,I can this holiday becoming a nightmare.

I think if A are the parents of B and C it makes it slightly more understandable that C felt they could give their opinion ! But I still think they are wrong .

Unbelievable and sounds like holiday from hell

I would! I can't stand parents who give more to one of their kids because they earn less through their own choice.

Yes. Slightly different, in that scenario I would see is as parents subsiding one child couple and not the other. Friends don’t have that same ‘family fairness’ dynamic.

Couple C need to mind their own business and stop stirring. It has nothing to do with them.

Have a nice holiday😂😂🤣

Under current arrangement of £120 per car Couple C pay £60 each for travel. Split £240 between 6 and everyone pays £40 each. I'd just point out that they are quibbling over a difference of £20 per head.

Couple C are being totally ridiculous.
Unless the two poorer couples are siblings and A is a parent. In which case they are still being unreasonable but it can be harder to behave like adults rather than the dc that they once were.
If they aren't related in that way then couple C are massively overstepping and have no appropriate social boundaries.

Pocket watching posturing pretenders.

couple C are extremely interfering CF’s. A&B’s travel costs have absolutely NOTHING to do with C. They would just about at a stretch maybe have a point if you were all going from the same place, but as they’re travelling completely separately it’s really bizarre and extremely rude for them to even mention it.

This does not bode well for the rest of the holiday if the C’s can’t get off their drive without being pricks.

I would view it in the same way ie the people travelling in each car cover the costs for that car, whichever way they choose. They don’t cover costs for the other car they are not travelling in. But it would explain the weird rivalry dynamics if it was parents and two sets of adult kids.

Nothing to do with with c but have b even offered to contribute in any way? If not they are cf's.