Couples holiday grief

[notmyrodeonotmymonkeys]

Please help mn I’m not sure what to do.

Couoles A B and C are going on holiday tomorrow. They are driving in in 2 cars. Couples A and B live in the same town so they are travelling together. Couple C are coming from a different direction and are travelling separately. The holiday has been split equally 3 ways and everyone intends to pay for themselves whilst there. Travel costs for petrol and parking will be approximately £120 per car. Couple A intended to pay for their costs as they know couple B earn significantly less than them (about 30k a year less) but would be happy if couple b get them a couple of drinks or similar.
Couple C have now approached Couple A and said they think it’s unfair Couple B are not paying for their travel expenses and that it would be fair to split it 3 ways. A pointed out that B do not have much money and C replied that they treat themselves plenty (which is true they are very much live for today). A feels uncomfortable broaching B for money especially at such late notice as it’s too late for them to make alternative arrangements should they want to.

Yabu B should pay their fair share
YANBU C is wrong to ask for shared costs

Oh yes as an old song goes
"There maybe trouble ahead"

If you’re all just friends it’d be the last time I invited couple C!
if A are parents, subsidising child B, I would probably give child C the same, but we tend to pay for our kids as a rule as part of our IHT planning, especially if we have invited them.

Couple A can pay for couple B if they want but if B and C are both children of A then A should pay for both B and C.

Even if couple B and C are your children, is anyone actually charging their adult child for driving them to the airport on a family holiday?

I’d assume you wouldn’t charge couple C for a lift to the airport if you happened to live closer to them, so why should it be different for couple B?

How awkward and uncomfortable.

It’s beyond me how anyone can grow up into an adult and think they can dictate that their parents need to charge their sibling for a ride to the airport for a holiday everyone is going on. Are they controlling of your relationship with their sibling in other ways?

C is a lunatic.

More brass neck than the Tin Man.

I think it is a bit different.

If its a family dynamic where one child is subsidised and supported consistently and another is not it must be frustrating for the child which is not the beneficiary of this money. It may be perfectly legitimate for the parents to support them but I can see why it might grate.

If its three adult couples as a friendship group then C needs to mind it’s own.

Yeah. This is not going to be an easy break!

I like your thinking, I’d never have thought of this scenario.
In this case - I could possibly see some adult kids quibbling about it. Still doesn’t make it right tho,
unless there’s a back story where 1of the kids feels the other sibling often gets preferential treatment.

I wouldn’t view it differently if they are friends or family. Couple C have to travel there anyway. Even if B were taking a third card, C would still have to travel and pay for their own costs.

Are Couple C on glue? The arrangement between A and B is nothing to do with them.

I would be rethinking the whole idea tbh.

Couple C are wanting someone to pay their driving costs. That's outrageously cheeky - arrangements between A and B are their business alone, and it's kind of A to not ask for petrol, and that's as far as it should go.

Couple A may like couple B to go with them as company and making the journey part of the holiday. Couple C have no say in how couple A and B get there or any financial arrangements between them.

I can’t fathom a situation where I know all my friends’ income (unless eg they are nhs consultants at top of band etc then I have a fairly good idea).

so that makes me think maybe this is parents and adult children as I can’t fathom why else couple c give a flying fuck that another couple aren’t contributing to travel costs.

Why are you even discussing your income? If 4 of you are travelling together in one car, the splitting of costs discussion should be between the four of you. Shut this down quickly or your going to have an awful holiday arguing over expenses regardless of what was agreed beforehand.

Although if B and C are adult children of A (which does, I agree, change the whole dynamic), I still think C are being unreasonably to quibble and would question why and how they know whether B is paying for their transport or not. If B is flaunting being paid for, then they need to learn to shut up, C needs to learn to grow up and A needs to learn to treat their children fairly.

I think that covers it!

Couple C are completely unreasonable, whether they're friends or relatives.

Maybe if they don't want to pay to get to their holiday destination, they could just stay at home.

Pretty sure that couples A and B won't miss the complaining!

So that's a yes then, you are parents of a child from both couple B and C?

Assuming the above is correct then I'd say If this a pattern of behaviour (you live closer to one DC so therefore see them more / pay for more for them?) then yes you need to be mindful here. Although child from couple C has no right to be demanding anything - but if they are kicking off you need to ask why?

If I'm completely wrong about the parent / DC angle then ignore me.

Regardless of how all the couples know each other, I think the couple getting the lift should offer (I'd personally insist) on paying petrol costs but that's just me!

If C is going to be so penny pinching it doesnt bode well for other ad hoc bits and pieces spending on the holiday.

People like Couple C make my skin crawl and my palm itch. I'd never be friends with them in the first place and suggest they're thrown down a well whilst on holidays. Do it for the good of society.

C seems to think they’re being short changed when they aren’t. If A is giving a lift to B and decides that they would be making the journey regardless so B doesn’t need to contribute or if B gives A some fuel money or if B buys A a box of chocolates to say thank you to A - it doesn’t matter, because as others have said it’s nothing to do with C.

It’s nothing to do with C!

Same here and you can’t favour one child over the other.

If my parents gave me a lift somewhere that we were meeting my brother who made his own way there my brother would not expect to have his fuel contributed to by me or my parents nor we he begrudge me a lift.

I had assumed it was three sets of friends but this makes more sense. So Couple A (presumably OP) are the parents and they are holidaying with their adult children and partners. Couple C are annoyed that they will have to pay their own travel while their sibling is getting a free ride.

If it is that - I still think it’s ridiculous. Presumably what’s happened is akin to Couple A saying ‘Oh it’s silly taking 2 cars, we’ll give you a lift’ and not asking for petrol money as they are going anyway. Perfectly normal.

C are being cheap and should pay for themselves