Couples holiday grief

[notmyrodeonotmymonkeys]

Please help mn I’m not sure what to do.

Couoles A B and C are going on holiday tomorrow. They are driving in in 2 cars. Couples A and B live in the same town so they are travelling together. Couple C are coming from a different direction and are travelling separately. The holiday has been split equally 3 ways and everyone intends to pay for themselves whilst there. Travel costs for petrol and parking will be approximately £120 per car. Couple A intended to pay for their costs as they know couple B earn significantly less than them (about 30k a year less) but would be happy if couple b get them a couple of drinks or similar.
Couple C have now approached Couple A and said they think it’s unfair Couple B are not paying for their travel expenses and that it would be fair to split it 3 ways. A pointed out that B do not have much money and C replied that they treat themselves plenty (which is true they are very much live for today). A feels uncomfortable broaching B for money especially at such late notice as it’s too late for them to make alternative arrangements should they want to.

Yabu B should pay their fair share
YANBU C is wrong to ask for shared costs

Is this airport parking? A are the parents I assume and B/C their adult kids.

C sounds jealous.

Is C the OP?

Couple B should pay 50% of the fuel costs regardless of how much they do or do not earn, they are already getting a good deal only paying 50% of what they would have to pay if they take their own car and car travel is more convenient than public transport.

Are couple C feeling left out? Perhaps you should have hired a seven seater and split the cost into three so you could all travel together….

The issue is who these people are.

If A are parents and B and C are adult children, C appears to be jealous.

They have got to be related or else there would not be the argument in the first place.

If A are the parents and taking pity on their lower-earning child that's their choice. It would cost A the same or parking whether there were 2 in the car or 6.

@notmyrodeonotmymonkeys I’m assuming couple A are the parents of one of couple B and one of couple C, otherwise couple C wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Do you usually treat them equally, as this seems like an ongoing saw spot for your adult child in couple C?

if couple A are parents and couples b and c are adult children it could be seen as subsidising one couples trip and not the other.

Has couple A subsidised couple B with anything else in the past?

It's not subsidising if they are going in the same car.
The costs are fixed regardless of 2 people or 6.
And A are happy to fund those costs.

It's a non-argument.

@notmyrodeonotmymonkeys

Firstly, it DOES actually matter what the relationships between the couples are. Friends travelling - C is being cheeky.

But, if, as we suspect, you are the parents and are couple A and couples B & C are your children, then I think you need to be careful here, as I can quite see both points of view and although neither side is 'wrong' really, it does smack of favouritism to child B and I think I would be upset if I were Child C, that I am expected to contribute 50% 0f the joint car and travel expenses because child B doesn't earn as much?

Total cost is £240 - so £80 per couple for 3 couples

1. So to be fair, child C should only pay £80. This is probably the main gripe of Couple C - that they are being asked to pay 50% instead of 33% of the total cost.
2. A & B should pay £160 between them. Couple A were already planning on paying £120 for their car - so is paying an extra £40 not worth the hurt etc which will ensue otherwise?
3. But couple A can decide anyway they want to, how much of the £160 they want to pay themselves and how much (if anything) B should pay?

Couple C may still be put out that Couple B are being subsidised, if they find out, however this is still the fairest way to deal with it. At least they are not being asked to pay for MORE than their share

If B and C are adult children then I think the onus is on A to treat them fairly.
A is driving so B are essentially getting a nice free chauffeur ride there and back. Was C spends £120 and has to put in effort .

@Silvers11

that would make sense if couple c was coming from the same place but they live elsewhere so we’re always going to have to do a separate journey

I suspect this says more about sibling B being indulged more generally and C resenting it

OP is IMO sibling C and annoyed.
B is her sister or brother.

You’d be driving anyway so giving a lift doesn’t inconvenience you or take any extra time so just say that to C and leave it. None of their business tbh

My view is that couple C need to pay their own costs, unless something different was agreed at the time the holiday was booked.

If (as some have suggested) A are the parents and couples B & C are A's adult DC, that does put a slightly different complexion on it, as it introduces an element of 'treating' your children to something, especially if DC C sees DC B as 'the golden child' or feels they are being 'punished' for moving away from A's home town.

Really, B & C should both be covering transport costs, with B paying their share of A's, but if it's already been agreed that B won't pay, it would be fair to cover C's. But that's only in the very specific parent/adult children scenario. If you're all just friends or siblings or cousins etc. then C shouldn't have agreed to go if they can't pay their way.

I'm confused where you are getting these figures from. A and B are sharing a car, that has nothing to do with couple C, whatever the relationships are.

I agree. I don't really see not charging for petrol for a rideshare as 'subsidising'. I think C is being incredibly petty.

How are you calculating this?
£120 per car. £240 total for both cars involved.

Currently A and C pay £120 each.

If the total £240 was split between 3 couples, this is £80 per couple. It would be £40 less for C if you agreed to the 3-way split.

Am I missing something, as I can't see where £73 came from?

I would, it doesn’t sound fair if parents are subsidising one set of DC (more than subsidising actually, they will be driving them) and not the other.

A and B live in the same place! All this bean counting is ludicrous.

So assuming it's parents & kids, have the ones getting a lift even offered to pay anything?

Why would it be the parents car & not the kids for example?

Why should they?

Why is this written like a math problem 🤣

Why shouldn't they offer to pay towards £120 worth of petrol & parking?

If as we suspect, you are the parents and are couple A and couples B & C are your children, then I think you need to be careful here, as I can quite see both points of view and although neither side is 'wrong' really, it does smack of favouritism to child B and I think I would be upset if I were Child C, that I am expected to contribute 50% 0f the joint car and travel expenses because child B doesn't earn as much?
Would you really be upset? You have arranged a joint holiday with your parents, sibling and their partner. Apart from getting there, all the costs of the holiday will be shared equally between the couples. You all have normal sized cars (presumably) that would seat 5 maximum, so can't all travel together. You are planning to drive so will pay for your fuel. If your sibling had made their own way there, they would have paid for their own fuel too, but as it happens, they were offered a lift by your parents who live close by, so they have no fuel cost. Where does the 'joint transport cost' come from, or the favouritism? It's just sensible for one of the couples to offer another a lift, and up to them whether they ask for a contribution. It's a bit sad for adults to feel so competitive and envious of their siblings.

Because the other couple have said not to worry about it? Couple C need to wind their necks in, even if they are family.

OMG exactly!