AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

I'd rather have him in cleaning than deal with the mess that some women leave the toilets in

I’m most definitely female and I’d rather have the toilets clean rather than worry about who is cleaning them.
Are you suggesting the toilets are closed every time they needs cleaning by a member of the opposite sex? That would cause a lot more people physical inconvenience.

I'd strongly suggest you have a wee before you leave work if it triggers you so much.

Where I work there is public access to much of the building and have used the toilets on the ground floor which are used by the public. Some women are filthy - drop toilet paper and period products on the floor and can't be bothered picking them up and putting in the bin provided. The poor cleaner (usually male) has to then pick everything up before starting to clean.
Male cleaners do not apply for these jobs because they want to be in a ladies toilets for perverted reasons plus the pay is not great.

Why would I need to? That’s not what happened. I don’t think men are often worried my predatory female toilet attendants are they?

If there is a sign I don't see the problem.

You seriously waited 40 minutes to use the loo because of a male cleaner? Were you in the toilets watching him the whole time waiting for him to leave or did you go back out to the restaurant but keep an eagle eye on the toilet door waiting for him to come out? The bathroom was very busy so you weren’t even going to be alone in there with him? Also how much ‘peace’ do you seriously expect when using a public loo? Surely it’s in and out as quickly as possible? What were you planning to do in there that was so precious that it could not be interrupted?

If it's got 30 cubicles, then cleaning each cubicle and restocking loo roll is going to take a lot longer than 40 minutes.

How tf did you know all the toilets all already had toilet roll in them? I can think of no setup where you could've known this without going in all of the toilets to check. You sound as though you were acting like a total weirdo and he was possibly slightly alarmed or suspicious, so was watching you to make sure you weren't doing anything dodgy.

I have been in so many similar situations and never bat an eyelid. A man taking his daughter into a restroom and loudly announcing himself and apologising because he didn't want her near urinals. Male plumbers or electricians in a women's refuge. Male cleaners on a female only hospital ward. That's just life and it is perfectly ok, OP.

Absolutely mental take, leave the man alone.

This wouldn’t bother me.

Why would you be worried about a male toilet attendant?

In answer to your original question ‘what would you do?’ In your shoes I would

Go to the toilet before I left work.

Get petrol somewhere else (it’s notoriously expensive at motorway service stations).

Do my shopping elsewhere (for the same reasons as above).

Try to sort out meals/mealtimes so that you’re not spending 1-2 hours eating service-station food really late at night.

You’ve said that you’ve stopped going there so it seems that you may have done all the above. If that’s the case then you may see benefits to your health, your mental heath & your budget.

We all have things that make us uncomfortable and if you’ve done what you need to that’s a good step for you.

if it were me I’d have gone to the toilet and just gone home as I’m always in a rush to just get the job done.