AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

Of course it’s changing the story.

In your OP, your main complaint was mopping under your door and watching women wash their hands.

Now you’re not getting the responses you want, you’ve changed your main complaint to staring at your the duration of your time outside the cubicle intently including following you to the shop to stare at you and touching other women’s hands and arms whilst showing them how to use the tap.

Obvious major story change to make it seem worse and try and sway opinion

So was he staring at you the whole time or was he touching womens arms while showing then how to use taps? 😂

I hung around waiting for him to finish so I could go in and use the bathroom in peace. I did check what was taking him so long and I thought he was acting suspiciously. I’ve never seen it take that long to replace toilet rolls that don’t need to be replaced anyway. I don’t think it’s unusual for a woman to be hyper vigilant about a man in a woman only space. When I left a bad review about the situation, a lot of people seemed to feel the same. All I said was that I didn’t feel comfortable with a man servicing the women’s bathrooms while they were operational. Maybe it was harmless. I just don’t see why it’s necessary for a man to be in the bathrooms for that long while they’re in use. I’m wondering is it even legal

Which restaurant is paying their cleaner to spend more than 40 minutes constantly cleaning out the toilets?

You're also acting suspiciously by this point.

Oh do fuck off. I used to clean public toilets.
One roll doesn’t last a week in the ladies.
Yes, if one of two holders is empty, it is part of the job to fill the empty one with a fresh roll if you have the stock.
However, you clean first then you restock.

There was nothing creepy about his behaviour, if anything he would have been unnerved by you staring daggers and being terrified of a mop.

Why do you assume he wouldn't be "police checked".
Loads of jobs require DBS certificates. I don't actually know if this job would - but I wouldn't automatically assume it doesn't.

You left a bad review? Because the cleaner was cleaning? Ffs I've heard it all now

Do you think men in the mens toilets get so dramatic about the cleaner being female (which for decades was more likely to be)?

He did stop staring at me while showing women how to use the taps. He was staring the majority of the time. He was staring more than he was working

He was probably unnerved by the nut job staring at him...

Sounds like he's carrying out the "Restaurant slash service" perfectly 👌.

Well it doesn’t really change that all of it is part of what happened whether you think it’s a story change or not

Maybe you are just irresistible

How long did it take you to wash your hands of he was able to stare at you the whole time? It really couldn't have been that long...

That’s probably BS too. I mean who hovers and waits for 40mins watching a cleaner in restaurant loos? That’s bizarre behaviour.

I have done this job, it’s hard work and there is a standard you need to get to. I had to clean 6 sets of toilets both M&F so I doubt he’s got enough time for hanging around.

So dramatic

You are not a woman concerned about your safety in a bathroom serviced by a man. You are somebody who has behaved in a neurotic and obsessive way and called a man out in a public review as a pervert when he was doing his job. Your behaviour is ridiculous and counter productive to women's concerns being taken seriously.

I was hoping this was the very subtle subtext of my question. Maybe I was too subtle 😅

Rubbish.

He actually seems to be there at all hours. Even if you go in at 10:30pm. It’s extremely odd, they have cleaners there the whole time the place is open but when there have been females cleaners there, you see them cleaning the whole place not staying just around the bathroom

ignore the other posters. It definitely is creepy behaviour and you have done the right thing calling him out. You felt uncomfortable for a reason. There is no reason at all for him to be showing people how to use the taps. We all know how to use taps FFS. We shouldn’t ever minimise this weird behaviour.

OP, you're overegging the pudding here.
You were creeped out. Maybe he was a bit creepy. But you've totally bullshitted the majority of this to try and get people on your side.
Fair enough email the company to let them know your suspicions, they can look at this individual, check the cameras, look at previous complaints (if any) and speak to his managers if needed.
However I have a feeling that none of what they find will support your story.

You've asked people what they think, and theyve said almost unanimously that they don't agree that he shouldn't have been in there, that we can all cope with a male cleaner cleaning. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but you have your answer.