AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

Probably went to get some food and have a break before going back to the bathroom to see if the cleaner had finished.

Most public toilets in the likes of large service stations are checked hourly. I find it a bit disturbing that you apparently watch everyone that's in the service station as you seem to know that people use the loo multiple times, how long they stay, what kind of people they are etc. I think perhaps you have too much time on your hands and maybe the cleaner isn't the problem here.

Did any of them say anything?

I actually feel the people commenting are all men at this stage

🤣😂

This is even funnier as there's a completely different thread running at the moment where posters are always certain they can "tell a man" on here and telling each other that they're never wrong.
Think my point that "that's funny then as people are always called a man if they get disagreed with" is being proved spectacularly by this OP 😁

Like I said. Bet it looked weird.

Of all the things that never happened, this didn’t happen the most! You’re being utterly ridiculous now OP.

They have every right to service their loos however they see fit. You have the right to pee elsewhere.

I believe you @Brood . It sounds like low level predatory behaviour but definitely still predatory.

I think you're being a bit dramatic, but I wouldn't have liked it and been made to feel uncomfortable too.
I was in a big chain pub and there was a male doing some maintenance in the ladies. I joined the queue of 2 other women waiting to use the accessible toilet rather use the cubicle with him there.
While the vast majority of men and neither a threat or perverts, enough are that we have an innate fear of putting ourselves in vulnerable positions like this.

I’m amazed at how dismissive most posters are being here.
None of what the OP described sounds normal or business as usual!

This is one of those weird pile ons where the first couple of posters are dismissive of the OP so everyone else joins in.

OP, on a different day at a different time your post might have got a more balanced and supportive response.

This place is really so bonkers sometimes.

Would you think the same if it was a man giving daggers to a female toilet assistant?

I’m really confused about all this, your first post it all happened on the same day and the same vist. You may have seen him before at other times but you said this whole sequence of events happened in one visit. But anyway, just don’t go there again

Also clever how he showed other people how to use the taps whilst simultaneously staring at the OP for the 45 minutes plus she was there

Thank you. It seemed to be the same 4 or 5 people, who were commenting repeatedly - not addressing what happened but instead were either taking things so literally, they had no capacity to get the gist of a situation at all e.g. if he was staring at you how was he able to stare at the other women washing their hands? Or were overly nit picky on details to the point of being unable to perspective take or understand that during a conversation things tend to get fleshed out following questions - saying things like that couldn’t have happened because you added details that weren’t in the original post or that couldn’t have happened because that doesn’t align with my very specific experience e.g. I’ve never heard of a place having that many cubicles or else just resorting to personal attacks like saying I sound irrational. All of these types of responses make me feel it is a problem. People would prefer to call women crazy or invent reasons why this couldn’t have happened rather than address the issue.

It certainly didn’t feel normal or like business as usual. I’ve been using public bathrooms for a long time and haven’t experienced this type of behaviour before.

Usually when men need to enter a woman only space, they’re apologetic, considerate and keep their head down - get in and out ASAP. This was unusual behaviour and felt disturbing

I never said it all happened on the same day. In my original post, I said

”For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom” and then I detail separate occasions

The late night situation where women can be alone in the bathroom with this man - as I was.. Then I go on to say after I raised this, they put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

Then I say….
“The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy.”

If it’s not clear, this was not all on the one day

Wrong comment

It’s so clever isn’t it?! I mean it’s like when people say they were watching their kids. How can that be the case if they were doing anything simultaneously. I mean how can they really be watching them the whole time when they need to blink so many times. It’s amazing 🙄

Should I be complaining about the female cleaner who showed me how to work the sensor on the taps in the loos at Birmingham New Street, or is not creepy because she was a woman?

We are not going back to boy and girl jobs no matter how much you lot try to make us.

You lot?

just think its weird that someone…anyone had to show multiple women how to use the taps 🤷🏻

and no one needed in the gents showing the men

Well I don't think the OP was in the gents to know if the men needed help.... obviously she wouldn't dare enter the male bathroom for fear she may be jumped after staring at someone and sending daggers for 40 minutes.

ThIs story has so many inconsistencies thst i think it's a load of crap, a tissue of lies.
You sound a bit tapped in the head spending far too long hanging round the toilets spying on him.You submitted a complaint about him and give him the stink eye every time your in there.
No wonder the poor guy is pissed off! Your behaviour is enough to drive anyone around the U bend

Doesn’t bother me. As long as there is a sign. I prefer male cleaners to dirty bathrooms.

I would prefer they have female cleaners but if they don’t have any available then I prefer a clean bathroom.

Thus has always been the case for as long as I’ve been peeing in public bathrooms (over 4 decades!)

They are cleaning the loos. They are earning a living and paying tax.

Snort 😀 literal toilet humour

Sorry, I can't be bothered reading this while thing. But you were watching him for 40 minutes?