AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

Exactly. The responses on this thread, fucking hell.

Is it ever okay to ask if someone is on drugs? Asking for a friend……

You were terrified in a busy public toilets that some put a brush under the door? You need to think about why that was terrifying to you because id say that’s quite irrational behaviour.

you say this is on your commute home? If so use another services or wee before you leave if this man causes you such concern

Probably because more people have the gumptation to not fall for hyperbole

Don't panic he wasn't wearing a dress,

There are many, very obvious reasons why a lot of women don’t want men in their toilets. If a men has to be in there to clean, he should be in and out, certainly not lurking around. Definitely not pushing the brush under the cubicle while you are using the toilet. I consider that intentional intimidating behaviour. Report it to management.

Hmmmm. Now it’s clear who have been saying YABU.

This man was behaving unreasonably. So report him. That doesn't mean it is unreasonable for a man to be cleaning female toilets.

No one is panicking

calm down….

I’m fairly certain the whole OP is a cut and paste of a thread we had some months ago.

I'd be happy someone was keeping the place clean and topping up the toilet roll - no, 2 wouldn't last a week at a service station. You mention being alone at night but then that lots of women were using the facilities at the same time as you, which must be your normal experience I assume, on your way home from work. I would be dashing in, spending about 3 minutes in total and barely notice who was cleaning. I certainly wouldn't stare at anybody for any reason - maybe a split second with a smile if they thanked me for holding a door open or if I told them a soap dispenser was empty etc. You sound weird to me.

Not necessarily (if even true). I live in London and every modern public toilet has a different system whereby the taps are turned on, and driers are mostly invisible behind a huge mirror with no indication of where to put your hands to switch it on.

Christ, how long were you in there for?

You could have peed in the safety of your own home rather than hanging around the hour or so you appear to have been in the toilets. It’s not the cleaner’s behaviour that is weird here, OP…

🙄

Sometimes it's too pathetic for words.

Some shifts it's a man looking after the janitoring for the men's, women's, disabled and mother & baby toilets, plus bins and clean up throughout, other shifts it's a woman dealing with the same.

Are you expecting that the female cleaner is going to be threatening to the men standing at the urinals or that she's going to be threatened by them? Just wondering where you come down on that one, because no doubt there's a victim there too...

"What would you do?"
Nothing. He is doing his job. And you should do nothing either. Fancy complaining. That is just awful
Are you trying to get this man sacked?

Dont use the loos then. Were you watching him too? You sound paranoid.

Yeah, but have you ever not been able to work it out without a man showing you?

The tap thing is weird.

Male cleaners wouldn’t bother me, but I’ve only experienced them when there’s been a sign on the door explaining that cleaning is taking place and that both male and female operatives may be cleaning. So you always have the option to wait until they’ve finished (which you’d have to do anyway if the toilets were shut for cleaning - it just gives those of us who don’t mind more options)

Such a strange thread. You waited 40 minutes late at night in a service station for a man to leave the toilets popping in and out to check on him then you’re watching him and staring daggers at him through the mirror and you wonder why he was looking at you?

The toilet was very busy as you said there was a queue for the sinks, what did you think he was going to do to a whole room full of people?

Exactly. It’s a very long bathroom with 25-30 cubicles. I was waiting until he was finished sweeping out the cubicles. He went up to sweep out the ones at the opposite end of the bathroom. He was moving so slow, I was shocked that after I’d sat down, he came right down to the cubicle I was in and started pushing the brush underneath the toilet door. That signalled to me to get out of the cubicle. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life. When I came out, he stood with the brush staring at women washing their hand and then intervening to “help them”. And he was staring at me in the mirror. It was very uncomfortable and odd behaviour

I thought men never cleaned anything, according to Mumsnet.

Id give you posh new bathrooms 😀

not service station toilets though

plus who is on duty in the gents toilet showing them how to use the taps?

Exactly. You use the loo when you need to wee, not 40 minutes before. He obviously thought OP was a wrong 'un. If any of this is true!

😁😁😁

plus who is on duty in the gents toilet showing them how to use the taps?

Perhaps they assume men don’t wash their hands?

I can never work out how to use some taps in public loos.