AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

He’s cleaning the toilets. I don’t understand why you feel threatened that he mopped the floor around your cubicle or showed people how to use the taps….

None of what you describe is remotely predatory and is all just him cleaning the toilets!

Oh look it’s Toilet Day.

Happy Toilet Day everyone!

For god sake.

Here is a biscuit 🍪

He was no where near the cubicle I was using and shortly after I entered it, he pushed the brush underneath the door of the cubicle while I was using it. He stared at me when I came out and continued to stare at me the whole time I was there

While I was washing my hands, he stood leaning on the brush staring at me in the mirror the whole time. He continued to stare at me until I left.

He not only touched the taps when showing women how to use them, he also touched their arms and hands

I’m not sure why there’s a need to clean the bathroom while it’s operational

My god you’re being so dramatic. He’s doing his job, loads of places have male and female cleaners for the toilets. Just focus on going to the loo, and getting home.

YOU said you were STARING DAGGERS AT HIM.
When you stare at anyone, they tend to stare back.

You’re being childish.

How do you think the rolls of TP got to the cubicles? That’s his job.

I started staring daggers at him because he was staring at me the whole time and I didn’t want him to approach me. When I left the bathroom, he followed me out and stared at me in the shop as well

You’re changing your story.
I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes

You started the staring contest.

You’ve changed your story now. Originally he was just “watching women wash their hands” now he was staring at you the whole time?

Maybe he mopped from one side of the bathroom to the other - not an unusual practice to end up where you were when he started elsewhere.

And maybe since you were staring at him, he was unnerved? Or maybe he wasn’t staring at your at all since that didn’t make it into the OP despite being what you now rely on as the most disturbing aspect of his behaviour 🙄

He also didn’t touch anyone in the OP so that’s clearly also fiction because YABVVVU

Clearly bullshit. If this was true, you’d have said it in the OP. Get a life.

He was opening toilet roll holders that had full rolls already in them - they were dual toilet roll holders. In some of them, there was one roll gone but there was a full roll in all of them and there was enough toilet roll on those rolls to do for a week.

I am used to using female bathrooms all my life, the was extremely strange behaviour. When I went back in 40 minutes later, the rolls weren’t refilled even though he had walked in and out multiple times. He gave off major creep vibes

Said like a man

But was he an irresponsible dog owner OP and did he park in a P&C space on his way into work?

He's doing his job. Perhaps stay home if something so little causes this much drama for you.

So you went and checked all the toilet roll holders and a man doing his job is the weirdo?

Perhaps he was counting how many he needed?

You hung around watching him for 40 minutes, went in before him and checked all the toilet roll holders before he filled them, stared at him in a mirror and then around a shop, then went back to check if he'd filled them? HE should be scared of YOU. He was probably opening them to check how many he needed to restock. In addition, as the personal responsible for refilling these dual roll holders, a women's toilet in a medium sized office uses both rolls at least once a day. You were in a service station. Have a word with yourself.
Edit: missing words

It’s not changing the story at all. Why do you think I was creeped out?! It was a very long bathroom, and he was moving at a snail’s pace which gave the impression of lingering in the bathroom. Usually a cleaner wouldn’t push a brush under a cubicle that was being used. He was also supposed to be serving the male bathroom and didn’t enter it once. There were also complaints from women that the disability and child toilet was locked

Just pee and leave, for goodness’ sake.

What would you do?
I would use the toilet, wash my hands and get on with my life.

"I’m not sure why there’s a need to clean the bathroom while it’s operational"
There's a need because of the shocking mess somen women (or their children) make of the toilets. I'm often amazed at the level of peeing all over the toilet seat and leaving paper and worse all over the floor, that apparently normal women seem to leave behind. You surely must have come across this, and a busy set of toilets certainly need cleaning more often than after they're closed for the day.

Also, you state that you stared at the male cleaner, because he stared at you first, but you must surely realise that you could only know he looked at you, because you were looking at him for several seconds, so he may have stared at you because you were acting strangely by staring at him, and he was concerned that you were struggling/confused in some way!

He was also supposed to be serving the male bathroom and didn’t enter it once. There were also complaints from women that the disability and child toilet was locked
Now you are dripfeeding when you don't like the answers you have got.

I disagree with you so I’m a man?

Hilarious. I am actually a 35 year old woman who has also been using ladies toilets my whole life without stopping to making up stories about toilet attendants online for attention…

Also, check the thread, everyone else also thinks you’re lying so are they all clearly men too?

There's a need because of the shocking mess somen women (or their children) make of the toilets. I'm often amazed at the level of peeing all over the toilet seat and leaving paper and worse all over the floor, that apparently normal women seem to leave behind.
Add in leaving used sanitary towels and tampons on top of the bin, on the toilet seat and on the floor...