AIBU to feel uncomfortable with a male cleaner in women’s toilets while they are operational?

[Brood]

There’s a restaurant slash service station that I regularly stop at on the way home from work. For the last several months, there has been a male cleaner servicing the women’s bathroom. I raised it with management that during late hours women are often alone in the bathroom with this man who has likely not been police cleared and has access to women only spaces. They then put a sign up to say that the bathroom is serviced by male and female cleaners.

The other day I was in there when the bathroom was very busy. This male “cleaner” was marching in and out of the bathroom entering cubicles opening toilet roll holders that were half full. I waited for as long as possible for him to be finished but after 40 minutes he was still walking in and out. I went into the cubicle as far away as possible from the cubicles he was servicing. Within seconds, he started to stick the sweeping brush under the door and into my cubicle. This was terrifying.

When I came out there was a queue to use the sink and he was standing watching women wash their hand, then he started approaching women and showing them how to use the tap. I gave him daggers to in the mirror and he met my eyes and watched me the whole time. He did not appear to need to be there and instead seemed to be lingering

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable in this situation? Usually when bathrooms are being serviced, they are closed to the public for a short time. This is the third time I have gone in there and found a male cleaner in the bathroom constantly.

There doesn’t appear to be a need for him to be there so excessively as I checked the cubicles and every toilet roll holder had at least one full roll and I’m not sure women need his help to use the sink or that the floor needs to be swept so much, especially when someone is in the cubicle

I left a bad review for the business but I feel like my complaints are falling on deaf ears. This is the only place en route home for miles but I’m more annoyed that women should have to put up with this in the first place and have no peace and are being stared at and intimidated by a man even while using the women’s bathroom - which I feel should be a women only space

What would you do?

Oh my, are you checking at all hours on this male cleaner? This is not normal OP, you seem to be stalking him. That plus leaving those complaints to try and get him sacked could amount to harrassment.

My advice is don’t go back there again.

God I hope this is ai or some weird writing practice. So dramatic.

I actually feel the people commenting are all men at this stage. Women don’t feel creeped out for no reason and most male cleaners would be more conscious than to stare, interfere with women trying to wash their hands and stick a brush under a cubicle a woman is using

I think you seem to be spending an unhealthy amount of time in these toilets.

I'm a woman.

So we're all men? I've heard it all now. 🤣

We're not all men and I'm fed up of the increasing assumption on here that if you disagree with a woman you must be a man.

Gut feeling is important but it's not infallible.

I am a woman.
As a matter of fact women (and men) can get creeped out for no reason.
It’s called an anxiety disorder (GAD, PTSD, OCD, etc)

Your embellishments and dramatisation mixed with obsessiveness indicate the source of your disquiet is more likely internal than external.

No, I used to call in there maybe once a week to shop, have pick up food and get petrol on the way home from work. If I get food, I’d spend maybe an hour or two there. I work long hours so could be coming home between 5:30pm and 11pm. I’ve been calling in there less frequently since this situation. The situation described is the last time I went in there. I haven’t been back since. I’m talking about the experiences I’ve had not that I’m in the place all day taking notes.

Very odf. Best of luck speaking to the manager. Id suggest they can cut their costs by spending much less money on hours for the cleaning.

I'm definitely female and I'm sorry but if everything you have said in this post is true (doubtful) then you are not well. Now you have been in the service station for "all hours" watching him clean the toilet? It's perfectly fine to feel uncomfortable with a male attendant in a women's bathroom and tell them that you would like to use the bathroom and would they mind stepping out while you did. They are used to it and don't mind at all. You are the problem here and you need to stop this or find a different place to pee.

There are no embelllshments, you weren’t there. There was further explanation for why I felt a certain way which was weirdly then assumed to be changing the story

Oh, so contrary to what you posted, you have no idea if he is there “at all hours” and is never cleaning anything but the ladies toilets.

I would be overjoyed that a public loo that I use regularly is being cleaned regularly and is well stocked with loo roll. I really do not understand your issue.

Oh for goodness sake! Just use the toilet and carry on. I don’t understand why the drama?

He was doing his job and you made him feel very uncomfortable.

of course he had to go into all cubicles in order to know whether they needed new toilet paper or not and how did you know which toilets needed them and which didn’t.

I haven’t seen him do much cleaning more hanging around and staring. What I mean is that any time I go in there, which used to be about once a week, he’d be there walking in and out of the women’s toilets repeatedly. I’m not watching him clean, I’m usually waiting to use the bathroom so watching for him to come out. Anytime I’ve seen him come out and have gone in to use the bathroom, he has arrived in after me. There’s a restaurant/ fast food place right beside the toilets so they’re in view. I have waited for long periods in the past for the bathrooms to be free but he seems to be constantly in and out. I know this place very well, any cleaner on duty is there to clean the whole establishment. It’s only this man that seems to concentrate on the women’s bathroom

Because men = bad and her infallible, magical, female intuition told her this was a particularly bad man up to no good. Eye roll.

Anytime I have gone into the place - no matter what time of the day - he is in the women’s bathroom. Is there no such thing as getting the gist here - such a literal understanding of language

Of course! 😂

Not all men but always a man

Why don’t you just go somewhere else? You waited 40 minutes before going for a pee, time you could have utilised better.

You need to get a bloody grip of yourself. You're in a cubicle and no one is looking... If this is in your bag of worries you don't have enough to worry about. Ridiculous.

Well this is the only place on the motorway to stop on the way home, but since this experience I haven’t stopped there again

Wow... That'll teach them!