AIBU to feel annoyed after a mum's sarcastic supermarket comment?

[Msidontknow]

In a local supermarket getting some bits - it's quiet and I'm taking my time. I come around to turn into the other isle and a young toddler age 2-3 is waiting/hanging around making it difficult for me to move. I wait for him to see me to move - I don't say anything or do anything as I'm not in a rush and he was just being a child - the mum sees me waiting, calls him over and says loudly 'he's not a mind reader'. I was taken back and lost my chance to respond which would've sounded something like ' I'm sorry for not rushing your son and waiting patiently for him to see me'.

The thought did cross my mind would she have said this if I was a different ethnicity?

Maybe it's the heat or the rudeness but I'm annoyed at the sarky comment towards me for just trying to be nice.

There is nothing worse than wishing you had said something to a rude person then letting it play on your mind. Rise above it, unfortunately society is full of ignorant rude people and ethnicity has nothing to do with it. She is probably leading a miserable life and projects it on to everyone else. Just be glad that you weren't born like this and are polite and have manners and respect others. Its a rare quality you have. Its not worth dwelling over as that loser is living in your head rent free which is more than she deserves!

Also - where did I say there was no crying?

The point was - it wasn't clear who or where his parent was - it only became apparent once I was helping him - so, long ago as it was, it's likely he was crying. At that playgroup parents tended to stand behind their children's chairs and chat while the kids had their snack, so it was unusual for the little boy to be left to his own devices.

Maybe if you had been a bit more forthcoming (maybe in your title) about believing the mother was rude to you because of your race then this would have been a different discussion.

Your first post talks about it crossing your mind that it was racially motivated yet now you say you trust your instinct 100% ie you KNOW she would not have spoken to you that way if you had been a different race.

No one (I hope) is going to say "yes of course it's OK she was rude to you because of your ethnicity".
Summary - racism is bad.

I can well believe that.

Yesterday I was on a really crowded tube, standing up, and (I'm no spring chicken) I suddenly realised that a younger black woman was signalling to me to very kindly offer me her seat. I was jolted out of my daydream and I said 'I'm really sorry - I was miles away! ' and said thanks very much, but I was getting off at the next stop.

She was lovely and I really, really hope she didn't think I was deliberately ignoring her.

I’m white and sometimes white people are knobs to me too, no race issue involved.

Is this post a social experiment to gauge people’s assumptions about which person in the story is which colour?

If not, I am wondering which part of the woman’s verbal response was racist?

Or were there other non-verbal cues?

Not at all, you sound lovely. I think most people get that glazed look on the tube, I know I do.

You can’t always know what’s driving someone’s rudeness so I just tend to ignore and not say anything, unless it’s extremely obvious.

Ok

Did you go back and tell your family you wondered whether a racist undertone to her comment?

What does that matter?

I am curious what they thought

Yes and the conversation went something like its fine it's how it is and what can be done about it other than not be like that ourselves?

My reply would be something like ' I wasn't expecting him to be a mind-reader,but I was expecting you to parent" 🤷

So they also thought racist?

I think the other mum saw you standing behind the kid waiting for him to move and maybe misread the situation, thought you were being passive aggressive and didn't like it?

If a kid is in my way for whatever reason, I just say "sorry, Kid!" or "excuse me, little man" or whatever. But then maybe some parents would get the hump with that too!

No I was listened to discussed as was shared above and end of story. I wasn't made to question what I felt in that moment. End of conversation.

.

Can you read my mind right now??

If not, i think you’re a buffoon.

That is a good philosophy to live by in general but there is an element that if poor behaviour isn't challenged, it becomes an entitlement and permeates through society like a fart in a crowd, which ultimately erodes the quality of life of everyone. Civilised society operates on people following fundamental social rules and there being measures in place to discourage people from violating those rules.

She was very rude. Sadly, some people are just wired that way.

Don’t blame it on your ethnicity. It happens to everyone.

So true. I was called an 'ignorant cow' recently in a supermarket, I had no idea what she was talking about....when I told her she was the ignorant one for being so rude, she accused me of not giving way to her and pushing past her with my trolley....I hadn't even seen her.
I laughed at her she was so ridiculous, as I walked away, she screeched, "get a life"....at the top of her voice.

We are both white, btw.

What is odd, is you think you know what 'most people' think.

"Most people see a brown person and assume we don't even know basic English so if its possible feel they've the right to clap at you and subconciously put you in your place through a sarky comment or curdled look on their face"

That may be how you feel, but you can't put your negative feelings onto 'most people'.

Your family listened to your concerns about this woman throwing a racist slur at you, and reassured you they they didn’t think it was the case @Msidontknow ?

@JillyComeLately
Not putting "negative feelings" onto anybody it's how things actually are
Even if its done unaware and subconsciously
Because of what some think they know
When they actually really know squat
I've read messages on here about
Same colour incidents which are bad mannered Ill-tempered interactions
But when it's a two different colour persons interaction even if they don't quite go there; it hangs in the air
You'd have to be in the second scenario as opposed to the first to get it
So stop telling me I'm wrong
And that it's all really so jolly