AIBU to feel annoyed after a mum's sarcastic supermarket comment?

[Msidontknow]

In a local supermarket getting some bits - it's quiet and I'm taking my time. I come around to turn into the other isle and a young toddler age 2-3 is waiting/hanging around making it difficult for me to move. I wait for him to see me to move - I don't say anything or do anything as I'm not in a rush and he was just being a child - the mum sees me waiting, calls him over and says loudly 'he's not a mind reader'. I was taken back and lost my chance to respond which would've sounded something like ' I'm sorry for not rushing your son and waiting patiently for him to see me'.

The thought did cross my mind would she have said this if I was a different ethnicity?

Maybe it's the heat or the rudeness but I'm annoyed at the sarky comment towards me for just trying to be nice.

I had something similar- kids running round the crowded supermarket playing, knocking into people. I probably tutted it something and a woman next to me said I was mean, the kids were bored. I told her it wasn’t a playground. Their mother was completely ignoring their antics.

I dont see how this could have anything to do with ethnicity.

@Msidontknow
Yes you've been very lucky indeed
Most people see a brown person and assume we don't even know basic English so if its possible feel they've the right to clap at you and subconciously put you in your place through a sarky comment or curdled look on their face
Yes,you be right on top of the pile there @Msidontknow without realising it
When it comes to that sort of "luck"

Ah...ok....thanks

The mum was rude and I'm sorry you had that experience, I would be raging too and kicking myself I didn't say something back. It's so sad that you have to question whether she would have treated you with more respect if you were a different ethnicity, I really feel for you having to navigate daily interactions with that in the back of your head, Lots of love

What an extremely odd post.🤔

@JillyComeLately
Why is it an odd post?
You don't live my life
So get real; what's "odd" to you
Is the total reality of some
And this is how all the talk and assumption about certain demographs of persons being "difficult" then arises
Thankyou, you're welcome.

I’d have simply smiled, said ‘excuse me’ loud enough for mum to hear and carried on shoppping!

Who new people could performatively pretend to misunderstand a comment that is based on someone else's lived experiences?

Some people are just grumpy. She's probably one of them. With people not looking what they're doing and kids pushing around trolleys they can't see over the top of at high speed, a toddler shouldn't be hanging around like that in a supermarket. It's an accident waiting to happen.

I can see why you thought racism.

I had similar in Savers. The staff had large trolleys of stock out to put on shelves so the aisle was narrow and only one person could pass at a time. I was picking up an item on the shelf and a woman pushed her trolley against me. She could have said excuse me and I would have moved. I didn’t say anything, just moved away.

In the next aisle, she blocked the aisle with her trolley, but I managed to squeeze by without touching her or her trolley. She turned to me and said ‘Now you know what it feels like when someone when someone doesn’t move for you.’ Again, I just ignored her.

As a person of colour you can’t win, OP. If you had said excuse me, she would still have told you that ‘he’s just a child’.

There are lots of people in this world who magnify minuscule day to day irritations which most of us would forget in two minutes into major grievances because its the only way to feel an iota of power in their lives or control over their own stories.

This woman sounds a classic example of this and your non interaction with her infant son was probably the biggest thing that had happened to her all week.

Why didn’t you just say excuse me please. Also why bring race into the mix?

I would guess OP is not white in a predominantly white society - waiting patiently rather than putting herself forward and living life with more than normal rude terseness from other people making her sensitive to such behaviour

Really? You've never heard of the concept of people being treated less favourably because of their skin colour?

You should have said in a cheery voice "excuse me please!" then if the toddler didn't understand, at least the mum would have.
Just standing there was a bit silly imo

@HumberSquid

There is nothing in the OP's account of the incident that suggests there was a racial element to it. Not everything revolves around the colour of someone's skin.

Do you think it helps those people in any way to look for such treatment in a situation where skin colour has no relevance?

If my skin colour wasn't white then I would be attributing ten incidents a day to racism. The car servicing receptionist who ignored me, the self service supervisor who delayed sorting out my checkout alert, the car that didn't stop for me to cross the road, the snippy man I wrote about above, the woman who let the door shut in my face, the woman who failed to even acknowledge that I'd held a door open for her... These little slights happen to all of us all the time.

I'm not saying that they never happen to people of colour because of their skin colour, but I suspect the number of those is buried in the avalanche of incivility we all experience every day.

Why on earth do you think that's unique to people of colour?

It's the sort of incident that happens all the time in supermarkets.

Oh yes, and there are occasions when you know it’s not down to that. But BAME people do tend to develop an instinct for these things, for when it is and isn’t.

I get how you are feeling, OP.

I'm not great at letting these things go myself! Years ago when my son was at a baby/toddler group and it was time for sit down for squash and biscuits, a group of mums I didn't know were standing in a little circle, backs to me and chatting while their children had their snack. A little boy fell off his chair and no-one seemed to notice, so I gently helped him back up.

Then one of the mums (clearly his) turned and glared at me and started to attend to him. I said 'he fell off his chair' and she muttered something about me having knocked him off. I was so dumbfounded that, like you, I didn't manage a response, but it really upset me.

Not only had she ignored her child and not thanked me for stepping in, but I got a scowl and a nasty accusation for my efforts.

I know we should be able to put these things in proportion, but I've never forgotten that! I was made to feel like a child abuser.

Her child fell off a kids chair? No crying? Why get involved. He’s have got up and sat back down

The thought did cross my mind would she have said this if I was a different ethnicity?

What are you on about?! Also, this isn't worth making a post about; it isn't even a minor inconvenience.

I think that you're being unreasonable to make this post.

I was standing almost behind him at the time. He'd have been about....15 months? They were very young and he sort of fell sideways off the chair onto a hard floor - it could have been nasty.

I don't think you could ignore that if you were literally the person behind the child (mine was next to him). He couldn't have got back on himself.

But you make a snap decision in these moments - I did what seemed right at the time. HOnestly, if I'd just stood back and let this little boy struggle and flail amid the table legs and other children's feet,you'd be criticising me for that!

Hi everyone, thankyou for your insights!

It's so interesting to see how much engagement I actually got with this post and how much assumption there is on me being BAME rather than Caucasian/white.

I just want to highlight that like most people, I have had my fair share of rude/grumpy people cross paths with me in all areas of life, here and abroad and I it has only been a few times, maybe a handful of times that I have thought race played a part, this supermarket incident included. Not sure why, other than my instinct which I trust 100%.
I am also a mum who has had to reign my kids in on occasion and been very apologetic in doing so. I wouldn't dare to be so dismissive of someone else trying to be kind in those instances. And for those posters who keep asking why I didn't say excuse me and that I was being weird in doing so, I was in no rush and didn't want to unecessary startle the child. Clearly for a lot of you I was in the wrong so I have taken this on board.

Food for thought in any case.