AIBU for feeling devastated about my graduate daughter's pregnancy?

[Postmanpatri]

Hi, my DD is 21, she will be 22 in January. She has just graduated from university, and got married last month. I’ll be honest I wasn’t thrilled about her getting married at 21, she’d been with her boyfriend since secondary school.
However today she has announced she is pregnant. She told me it wasn’t planned, but they are keeping the baby. She still lives at home with me but has committed to finding somewhere else to live, I’ve told her there is no hurry.
Im going to be honest I’m devastated, she was the first person in our family to go to university, she got straight As in her highers and advanced highers, she is due to start teacher training, but has said she might not start as she is due in February.
I am so worried she is throwing her life away, her husband is a lovely boy but he is only 22, he’s a joiner so he puts in a lot of hard work but it’s not high earning.

AIBU to feel like this? What do I do?

They sound like they are right on track OP. Ignore all the jealous middle aged women. Your DD and her husband sound sensible and mature.
You must be so proud of her saving up throughout university. He's got a great job and it will certainly pay the mortgage on a £150k house until she's trained up :)
I hope some of the positive posts have reassured you that everything is going to be okay! We want the best for ours kids!

they sound like a lovely, thoughtful and considerate couple - you must be very proud.

You've raised a lovely daughter and I suspect you will love being a grandmother - and all the extra years you will get with them! Congratulations 🎉

I don't think YABU for feeling disappointed for her, I'd be gutted for my DC if it happened that way, and at that age, because I'd hope for them to travel and establish careers/have fun and freedom first etc.

BUT, Ive read your posts about your daughter and her husband; they both sound lovely and responsible, and I'm sure they'll form a lovely family together - and an extended family with you.

I would definitely encourage them to move out though and sooner rather than later well before the baby arrives.

It's not ideal but 35k is a good wage at their ages and your DD can establish her career after the baby comes. Would agency/supply in teaching be an option? Much better money than cafe work.

There is absolutely no need to be so snobby. I’m sure your big home is beautiful and your children are very impressive, that does not give you the right to look down on others or be so bloody rude.
You don’t know me or my family.
We may not live in some fancy house but we aren’t cruel or snobby and I know I value being a nice person more than I value money, and I hope my DD is the same.

It's interesting you haven't said what your profession is or if you ever had a proper job, so I can see the problem here is that you get your self worth through your kids and that's why you're struggling with this topic.

Perhaps you wish you'd had a career yourself and are now seething because you gave work up for your kids and can't stand someone else doing both.

Your reaction to being jealous was to prove my point more by listing all the things you have. Other women shouldn't be your competition. Lots of people have nice houses and they usually pay for them with their jobs, and somehow manage to have children too.

The young lady is buying her first house at 21, sounds like yours took ten years to buy hers 😂 you can't stand it can you. The way you dismiss her for working in a coffee shop, yet somehow she's saved for a mortgage with her husband.

Well said OP. People who are happy with their lives don't look down on others. She doesn't list her achievements only her kids. It says a lot to me.

And yet you embarrass yourself with a post like this. Not very classy for someone pretending to be high class.

Honestly she sounds awesome

Hope you’re feeling better about it OP! I had a baby at 18 and 21 and still managed to have a career later. I’m sure your daughter will be just fine!

So the taxpayer funded her saving and she’s not paying back her loan.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner why do you think she won’t pay back her loan?

Her husband is on £35k, they've got £12.5k deposit saved and she has some income herself. I stay in similar area to what the op has described and they'll be just fine on that and should be able to get a mortgage for a modest propert. It might not be your ideal but they're in a better position that most young people are.

Do you know why she decided to carry on with the pregnancy?

Because she wants to.

Oh pipe down. Her husband works/pays tax.

I think some posters don't realise how affordable homes can be in some parts of the country.

My DD and her husband are still in their 20s, own their own flat ( no big deposit gifts from parents!) and are doing fine.

I'm sure this couple will, too

Oh give over. Who’s to say the relationship won’t last just because they settled down young?

@MeetMeOnTheCorner some very unpleasant posts from you.

Well you don’t come across as being very happy.

Thats pretty standard for that particular poster.

I actually think doing it this way might become the “new normal”.
The current fashion has been go to uni and have your career first then have babies in late 30s even early 40s, but that isn’t necessarily the best way. It’s physically better to have children younger and many women have fertility issues by the time they get to over 35.
Maybe the younger generation are right that having a family first is better.

You can't when you are having a baby. The system is arranged so that people pay it back when their income hits a certain threshold. Surprisingly, the people who set it up knew about women' tendencies to get pregnant and decided not to stipulate stuff around that. Because they weren't Nazis.

You are possibly not aware that loans get sold off in tranches to investors, so the taxpayer gets a certain amount on the pound but the investor gets more.

I think there's a lot to be said for living in a more affordable part of the country and having a family young

Your DD sounds v sensible