9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

[NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot]

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

I'm on the fence. I'd say mine never helped with housework, but from dot, there was tidy-up time after tea/before baths and they had to help put their toys away, clear up any mess they'd made playing. They knew they had to put their dirties in the right linen basket and started making their beds from about 10/11, unloading the dishy on return from school and wiping the bog seat/squirting a bit of bleach. Putting their dirties into the dishwasher and wiping up spills and crumbs.

But, actual cleaning, no. Not hoovering, cleaning bathrooms/kitchens/mopping/paintwork, etc.

I was brought up similarly, in an immaculate house where my mother had a cleaner, as I always have.

Both DC are grown up and run clean, tidy households. I think of you are brought up clean and tidy, you replicate it. DH's SILs are grubby and slovenly but so was their mother. It doesn't always follow because DH is very neat and tidy although didn't understand much about washing bedding and towels and cleaning basins when we met but only because he was never taught.

This 100%

Mine have always done chores and know play/down time comes after homework and chores (knowing is not the same as doing but hoping it’s a message that sticks in life later)
As teens, they do their own laundry, tidy and clean their rooms and help out with other cleaning tasks, are cooking a meal a week during the holidays. They’ve learned to notice things too like put the biscuits in the tin and throw the wrapper if they open a pack or put eggs in the right place if they open a box.

I’ve said on here many times that my children do absolutely no chores other than to put their rubbish in the bin and bring cups/plates from a room if they take them into it. I don’t expect them to wash the dishes or empty the bin. Me and their dad do that. Childhood is short and they will have a lifetime of doing chores

9 is definitely old enough!!
I doubt he’s cleaning whilst his parents watch tv. I expect he has to pair his clean socks up or tidy his bedroom! Both are fine and I think a good idea at 9. I make my son do these tasks and he is 4 😂 am I very mean???

I wish I’d done this with mine. They are so lazy. They just about empty the dishwasher. The oldest will put the vacuum cleaner around if I ask. The youngest strops spectacularly and makes it sound like I’ve asked him to pull his toe nails off. This has not been helped by their narc father telling them he pays to tidy and clean up after them and they are not to do it.

Well we do that, and also the same with homework. It gets done before playing. Then they can play to their hearts content!

I agree with the parents and think it’s a good thing that they let him play after doing jobs around the house

My Mum taught primary school reception for years …at the end of the day they all had a tidy up ..say 2 pieces of rubbish into the recycling each etc..I always wondered about the children who just stood around..trying to look busy but doing nothing..this thread might explain it…not lazy just bewildered?

The whole family spending an hour Saturday morning sharing chores is good practice. Everyone pulls their weight and learns both cleaning skills and the value of not making a mess in the first place.

We used to do joint laundry sorting- everyone standing round the sock pile looking for pairs and taking their own. We’d chat about this and that. Then I realised it was easier if everyone did their own washing- no more sorting needed.

My DSis and I as pre-teens/early teens started to do the dishes on a regular basis. The arguments we both heard from friends and their siblings or giving their mum attitude about who was going to unload the dishwasher made us cringe. It’s fairly common though if that makes you feel better!

@ThatCosy Used to love doing the windows when I was a kid. Scrunched up newspaper leaving print on your hands. Not so much fun as an adult but I use boring cloths now 😂

No 💐

My MIL took this approach with her DC, because her childhood was hard and tough and she wanted to spare them and let them enjoy their childhoods. She tries to do it with my DC too and I put my foot down and overruled her. I don’t want them ending up like DH!

Growing up, we each had weekly chores. We usually did them on a Sarurday morning. I didnt feel hard done by having to do it. As an adult, I always spend a Saturday morning doing a quick clean.

My kids are 4 and 2. They help loading and unloading the dishwasher, 4 year old absolutely loves wiping things down or polishing, they tidy up their stuff.

Im struggling to see the perspective of the people who say their kids do no chores but then go on to list that they keep their beds made, rooms clean, clean up after dinner, dirty clothes in the basket... surely they are chores too? And they have to be done by someone!

If it was helping out for an hour or less I think it’s fine, anything beyond that is just unnecessary imo.

Chores are incredibly important and you are not doing your children a kindness if they don’t have them, you are doing them a disservice.

Chores can and should be started as early as 18 months - 2 years old. And no, they shouldn’t be rewarded for them either, that sends an awful message; intrinsic motivation is invaluable.

We are a family, we’re a team. We all pull together and muck in to make the house a nice place for us all to live.

This was my life from the age of 8.

I had to clean the entire house, top to bottom, including changing all bedding, cleaning the bathroom and toilet.

I had to clean the oven, take all the metal rings off the cooker and scrub them, take every tin and jar out of the cupboards and wash them, then clean the cupboards themselves. I also had to hang out all the washing and take it back in..

I did absolutely everything in the house, except cook, and that was another thing, my mother would make my favourite meals of steak pie or beef stew. When she was feeling particularly nasty I wasn’t allowed to stop and eat til all the chores were done. I wasn’t allowed to stop and eat anything she’d cook at other times, instead I was only allowed to fry a cheap burger with a packet of crisps, or have a poached egg on toast. She’d keep up a running commentary telling me I was lazy, useless, she’d work the laziness out of me, etc.

She left me with so issues and I hate the old cow. There’s nothing wrong with kids helping out, or tidying their rooms, but using them as slaves is something else entirely.

Teaching children - especially boys - that the housework doesn't do itself is a brilliant idea. YABVU @NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot Good for this lad's parents for instilling these good ways in him.

There was a thread recently about what age kids should start chores.

Personally I encouraged them from toddlerhood. They enjoyed jobs like unloading the dishwasher (obviously no glass or knives!) , helping with transferring laundry from basket to machine.

My kids are adults know but they would not have accepted starting chores as a teen- especially doing chores while younger siblings didn’t. I’m not saying that they never complained but they knew the theory of stuff like changing duvet covers long before they were expected to do their own.

People create mess and I think that kids are ill
usually accept clearing up their own. They might not do a good job at stuff like wiping a spill but they get better and hopefully became more conscious of stuff like throwing away rubbish.

Gosh i’m so sorry, that’s horrific

I think it's fine. My oldest two are a lot older than 9 but yeah they always had chores to do because they need to know how to live independently. Started with tidying their room, then washing and drying up, then cleaning the kitchen sides and then doing the washing
My eldest has refused to move in with her boyfriend until he learns to do housework. She's taught him to use the washing machine and dishwasher so far and he's started cooking but it's a joke he's got to 21 without being able to do basic housework.

Good.

Age appropriate chores are fine, but if they are sending him up the chimney call social services!

I was aged about 4 when I used to help my dad with jobs. Its one of my earliest and happiest memories. I probably helped with stuff before that but I don't remember it.