9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

[NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot]

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

IME people who dont start their children on housework from ages 7/8/9 etc have a heck of a job getting them to do it in their teens.

Yes I don’t think i’d pay at all!

My 9 year old twins have jobs to do. Mainly putting their laundry away, tidying their bedrooms, feeding the dogs and loading the dishwaher. They can then earn money doing other chores which are optional. Today DS scooped up the leaves in the courtyard and behind the garage, DD wiped the skirting boards. They have managed to play most of the morning and now have the whole afternoon free.

So much assumption from the OP that the lad doesn't enjoy these chores with his family.

I used to love a family clean up when I was a kid, and always wanted to scrape the squeegee around the window.

And of course for all we know he may be looking forward to a treat for doing a good job.

I should add that as teenagers they were responsible for cleaning their own rooms because I refused to have to tidy before cleaning!

This has been my experience. Mortified at how useless my two are as a result of my parenting. Its a harder, more conflict-filled, process now that I am enforcing housework.

Hmm I give my 7 year old the odd chore and will likely add to that as she gets older but I’m a bit more relaxed and would probably let her out to play if she were asked, without finishing them. Maybe I’m a soft touch!

I get that, but IMO, no 9 year old really needs to be doing chores that keep them away from their friends.

There is plenty of time when they are a bit older, to teach them responsibility, and get them to help around the house. But personally I wouldn't at this age. I would let them fully enjoy being kids without the ballache of household chores.

If raised correctly, they will have their whole adult lives ahead of them doing chores. I would hold off for a little longer before introducing them (and I did with my own)

At 9 my boys swept the kitchen floor, put their laundry in the machine - whites, darks or colours as asked, kept their room tidy including vacuuming and made their own breakfast.

By 12 they cooked meals and baked, used the washing machine correctly, took their turn cleaning the bathroom, put out the rubbish and unloaded the dishwasher.

At 20 and 17 they both work, 20 year old full time and is moving into his own flat - he knows how to do everything he needs to including paying bills.

My primary aged children are expected to put plates, cups etc in the dishwasher, make their beds in the morning, put dirty clothes in the wash basket and empty rubbish out of their school bags each day. On the weekends they get bigger jobs like weeding the garden, hanging out washing, sweeping the kitchen floor. The 7 year old knows how to use the toaster, cooker, dishwasher and washing machine but I supervise her doing it and she’s knows she’s not to mess with anything hot without an adult there.

It’s not a work house by any means but I do expect them to some things to learn to play their part and not treat us like servants.

It’s a great idea.

I saw a post on fb the other day from a mother of an 18 year old who’s about to go to uni and can do nothing for herself - mum was saying she’s been trying to teach her some domestic skills but she is lazy and disinterested, so she’s worried her housemates will hate her. I commented that it might be a bit late to be teaching her, and she said “no, I’ve been trying since she was 16!”

No, it’s never too early to get them involved in the running of the house, and it teaches them valuable skills/hopefully makes them less entitled and lazy.

Then I’d suggest this is why you think it’s sad. Someone making you do the dishes isn’t the same as everyone cleaning together. My DC are 7 and 9 and they have had housework increasing since very young. They are expected to tidy up after themselves, put their clothes into separate laundry baskets, hoover the dining area (because they are the ones that get food on the floor), sometimes they hoover the front room because they ask to! They put their clean laundry away too.

One day a week, we all clean up together - tidying, then hoovering, changing the beds etc. The DC enjoy it. We all get to spend the rest of the day in a lovely tidy house and we know we’ve all contributed.

My 17 year old is only required to feed the cats

Congratulations on your man-baby, you must be so proud. Does he not notice you're infantalising him, or does he just not care?

I get that, but IMO, no 9 year old really needs to be doing chores that keep them away from their friends.

Lol, how long do you think finishing his chores is going to take that it could be considered 'being kept away from his friends'?

The drama on this thread from some people 😁

My 11yr old has been helping with stuff for years. Of course I do most of it but she’ll make food, empty and fill the dishwasher, clear away, hoover etc. I can’t see why on earth a child wouldn’t contribute to a house - it doesn’t make them any less of a child!

I actually have found the opposite to be true, in fact - if you get them involved when they’re young and want to be involved, it’s fun for them and then becomes a habit. But if you say no, I’ll just do it because you’re too small (my DSis was like this - “I’ll make you a sandwich, it’s quicker/easier etc) then you end up going past the point where they want to, and then you’re trying to get a grumpy pre-teen/teen to do “chores” and it’s a whole different dynamic.

Love to hear this …great life skills

He will do well in life, he understands that rewards have to be earned

Yes you’re probably right, this felt almost like a punishment, I really hated it

I think you've hit the nail on the head there OP.
Kids learn by modeling the adults around them.
This wee boy sees his Dad pulling his weight and doing his share to keep the household ticking along in an orderly fashion so he's doing the same.
It will hopefully make him into an independent adult who won't need his life partner to think for him.

About 2 years old.
Seriously.
They can be trained to put dirty clothes in a laundry basket and put a used plastic cup in the sink from that age.
You start with micro-tasks when they are toddlers, and build up from there.

It is all very sensible and practical. Good parenting.
But I did get a picture in my mind of a Dickensian waif scrubbing floors.
Ridiculous and illogical I know.

Yes, I think it’s great it sounded like the dad was involved too - all of them sharing the load. Sounds like a brilliant example they’re setting imo!

My kids so much more “housework” (we have a cleaning lady weekly, so really it’s chores and errands) during the summer holidays. Firstly, it keeps them busy. Secondly, it teaches them stuff including what it takes to keep a home running smoothly. Thirdly, they appreciate that just because some types of work aren’t paid doesn’t mean they’re not work. Fourthly, by the time they leave home I want them doing this sort of stuff out of habit/second nature so that they can focus on academics and career and socialising. Finally, I’m not their skivvy.

They started around 8/9yo with things like putting their dishes in the dishwasher, wiping down the table, sorting the laundry, changing towels, putting clothes away. Then they started making breakfast for themselves and leaving the kitchen as they found it, dropping off the dry cleaning, going to buy milk, taking the recycling out and changing the kitchen bin, vacuuming at the end of the day. I’ll add ironing and proper meal cooking soon enough. Actual cleaning of bathrooms and dusting and floor mopping I will have to stand over them one day and teach them. Just haven’t done it yet because I hate that stuff myself!

Sounds like great parenting and a very healthy family and relationship dynamic to me!