9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

[NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot]

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

I wish I could do it, but I never could - I am such a drip. My dc walked all over me. But I admired the parents who could do it.

What makes you think there is any similarity bw what the OP describes and your situation as a child @BebbanburgIsMine ?

That’s what I said? Get them started young.

It's not necessarily cause and effect, though.

I did zero chores as a kid, but got a summer job at 14 and was perfectly well able to look after my rental property as an adult. You can pick it up as you go along - what happens in childhood doesn't determine the entire course of your life.

I am so sorry you were abused.
😪

Totally normal to have to do your chores before you go out to play.
Mine have to do their rooms, clean out their pets, load/unload the dishwasher, hang out laundry and put it away.

so at what age do they learn to keep house?

I feel like you. I want my children to enjoy their childhood. Chores are not rocket science that take long time to learn so no need to start early. Having said that, it's easy for me as a sahm to not ask anything of my children but my cousin who is a single parent of 3 and who works full time actually needs their help with chores while I don't. So it really depends on the situation. But making my kids do chores "just to teach them" - no - I want them to do their homework and enjoy their youth (I didn't have that opportunity myself).

Too many fathers send lazy, incompetent men into the world so good on this dad for setting a great example to his son.

Maybe she wants them to stay at home forever. I know two men in their 40s (one almost 50s) like this. One of them moved out for a short time, but always brought his laundry home and ate meals back at his parents. He’s back living there again now.

what happens in childhood doesn't determine the entire course of your life.

It very very often does.

How many times do you see people saying they have issues with food for example due to their childhoods?

Or people who are avid readers because it started in early childhood and continued?

I actually know adults with awful teeth that they're still not in a regular habit of brushing because they never had a routine instilled during childhood.

Good and bad habits very often start in childhood and continue for life.

Well you might have hated it but it taught you how to wash dishes

You dont have to enjoy every single thing you do as a child. Our job as parents is not to always take things away from children that they dislike, thats not realistic.

Unless their using him as slave labour I think it’s a good thing, shows him responsibility and that he can go and do good stuff when he’s finished.

as soon as they can hold a duster

Dunno but I already posted that my best friend at school, at this age, was never allowed out to play until she had helped with the housework on a Saturday and by the time she got out it was always late afternoon. The rest of us had been playing out for ages.

How is having a difference of opinion over a child doing, or not doing chores, classed as drama FFS? 😂

So sad. Made me think about Cosette in the Miserables... and that was two centuries ago. I am so sorry your parents were abusive dickheads.💐

My DS is 9 and he has to tidy his room which includes putting his clothes and clean bedding away. He unloads the dishwasher but doesn’t load it. He lays the table and does water for everyone before dinner and puts away toys he gets out in the rest of the house. So he could easily do his daily jobs within 10 minutes. He will also hoover the lounge on occasion and both children like using the spray to wipe down walls, skirting etc but I can’t afford for them to do it all the time as I’d need shared in the spray!

Sounds entirely reasonble to me. Growing up, my brother and I were expected to do the dishes a couple of nights a week, and hoover the house on weekends. We were also responsible for cleaning out rabbit and hamster hutches.

It has got to the stage in my life now where I need a set of hands or two as me and my husband cannot keep on top of everything by ourselves and our full time jobs without the two older two pitching in. They are 9 and 11 and them doing even small jobs take some of the burden off us. So they get jobs and moan about it most of the time but I do not care because when I was their age, I helped out far more and got far less in terms of material items and experiences. My husband and I were slaving over the cooking, laundry, housework while our children looked on and suddenly we were like 'what have we been doing when the kids can muck in'. Studies show that giving children aprropriate responsibility from a young age has positive benefits across the board.

Our children cannot have screen time unless certain criteria are fulfilled. They need to do something helpful, something active and/or something creative before being allowed anywhere near a device.

Sometimes I cannot be bothered with the fight or training them to do a job properly and just want to donit myself because its easier but I cant because the alternative is very wrong.

To be fair it is drama to the child who has to do chores when he sees his friends having fun outside. I was one who had to babysit my siblings, cook and clean and had too many adult worries from a young age. My teenagers only have to focus on school and tidying their rooms. With all the homework they get I want them to enjoy their free time.

All children should do appropriate chores from the age at which they are physically able to do them.

They are wise to have a child help hopefully one less man child as an adult.

I am totally with you and agree.

My best friend never came out on a Saturday until late for the same reason. I always used to feel sorry for her because the rest of us had been out playing on our bikes etc for hours by the time she joined us. Must have been proper shit for her.

I am all for teaching kids life skills but for me, 9 is too young, and it should be all about having fun with no responsibilities at that age.

Yes, our chore lists were always longer in summer too.

Yup. So many on here complaining about useless husbands who don’t understand the mental load. Letting them do nothing as kids/teens is how they are created!

Good on his parents, raising a boy to do chores and understand what it takes to run a clean, comfortable home.

My DS also had age appropriate things to do. At this age he was actually more interested in cooking so we went with that and now he’s feeding his flat mates at Uni 😄