9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

[NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot]

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

You think doing chores interferes with letting kids be kids?

Kids that age have to carry water and work in the fields in some developing countries. Its good training for adulthood and builds responsibility.

It's not sad
It's teaching him about priorities. At 9 years old he's not a baby anymore so "play" should now come second to making a contribution to the running of the whole household. I think it's excellent parenting and good preparation for adults life where, let's face it, we all have to do boring, mundane things for the greater good before we can go off and enjoy ourselves.

Well my daughter has her 18 month old putting toys in a box and clothes she gives him to take an put in washing machine. Oh his favourite is to wash coffee table, thinks that's great fun. Obviously I e of the parents does it properly after

8 year olds job is to unload dishwasher ( everyone puts their own washing up in) and keep room tidy. Also hoovers the front room rug ( along wth toddler helping with toy hoover)

Bit of a difference between her room which rakes ten mins max and the other jobs around the house

Not necessarily, it’s just after a week at school and homework (ordinarily, obviously not at the moment) they probably need some fun and downtime

Sounds like great parents tbh

Sounds fine to me.He is helping his parents ,not scrubbing the floors while mums having a cuppa! I think its a good thing that he realises what goes into making and keeping a tidy home

Bit smug saying ‘let kids be kids’ they can be kids and still take part in a good house sort out! My kids do on the rare occasion wither me or DH takes it upon ourselves to have a bit clean or sort! They don’t complain, well they might a bit but that’s life! They spend most of their summer hols playing and chilling as it should be, but life doesn’t just ‘happen’ magically and it’s never too early to learn there isn’t a magical tidying and cleaning fairy.

My parents didn’t believe in chores for kids and I was that student at uni who was blissfully unaware of the need to wash up, couldn’t cook a thing, didn’t know how to clean a bathroom, I don’t think I ever washed my bath towel.

It’s hardly child abuse to include them cheerfully in the running of the house, especially in the holidays when there’s plenty of time to play!

I never frame it as punitive and they don’t get rewards for tidying their rooms / doing various jobs (usually loading or unloading dishwasher, loading washing machine or hanging laundry etc or maybe hoovering or sweeping) and I don’t believe in rewards and punishments style parenting. It’s just what we all do, at least that’s how I try to frame it and just get my teeth if my grumpy teen boy complains! Don’t make a battleground of it but it’s a non negotiable.

I grew up doing housework from a very young age and remember how much I hated it. Consequently my children did absolutely nothing in the house other than tidy their rooms occasionally. They are both fully functioning adults with clean and tidy homes (as is mine).

Yes as always tidied toys away after playing from being very little

Nothing wrong with teaching kids to keep their possessions tidy. He'll make a great husband in years to come 🥰

Of course it's good for children to learn to take responsibility for their environment, and to defer satisfaction until they have done what is necessary. That boy's parents are hopefully raising a man who will make a good life partner some day.

In our family we have ‘power hour’ once a week when we divide the chores, crank up music and get the housework done.
It’s flexible when we do it but no, the kids can’t go off and do things during it.
but it’s an hour a week.

From birth! 😄

Just find age appropriate tasks for them to do. They start by helping until they are capable of doing things themselves.

When they’re little - making their beds and tidying their rooms, setting the table, unpacking dishwasher. As they get older (certainly by 9) dusting, cleaning the mirrors, putting away the washing.

I have a teen and a tween now and as well as all the above they will put on a load of washing, hang it out and put it away. Clean the windows, vacuum, empty the bins, cook a meal. Older one does the bathrooms, younger mows the lawn.

Obviously not all of this every week - I’m not complete a slave driver! The point is that they can and they understand that although they don’t enjoy it (who does?!) it needs to be done and it’s only fair that they help out.

If he was just helping his parents with the housework then that’s fine. If he’s expected to clean the house by himself while his parents still around doing nothing that’s sad, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what was happening.

My dc have always enjoyed doing chores with us when they were small. Now they are grown up they do them by themselves, but are still grateful if we chip in (as we are when they help with ours)

It's not hardship if everyone is doing it together. If the parents were watching TV with a can of beer while the dc scrubbed the banisters, I'd feel differently about it.

Chores is part of kids being kids. Being a kid is preparation for being an adult.

Yes, I remember having to tidy my room, was ok with it, but I remember my dad doing a phase of making us wash the dishes etc and I hated it.
I grew up able to function well, do everything easily and am very tidy

My DSs are grown ups now. They each had to do jobs as they grew up. It’s part of our job as parents to teach them these things. As adults my DSs pull their weight at home.

We see endless posts on here regarding men who think they don’t have to do much around the house. Go figure.

And they can have that after they do some chores. Which is the case with this little boy.

I’m genuinely surprised that your reaction to a 9 year old doing chores on a Saturday morning is that it’s sad. It’s perfectly normal and how one ends up with capable, well rounded adults. Is your plan to wait till your DD is 16 and suddenly expect her to do stuff?

Yes it's very good to start them early and set expectations that everyone in the household contributes to chores in proportion to their capacity - young/frail/disabled members may do a lower share but if all have reasonably equal capacity then all should contribute equally. A typical 9 year old might have lower capacity due to a lower skill level, but the remedy there is more practice!

My DC started helping with household chores from the age of 6 or 7. Not going out to play/putting the TV on/other nice thing, until chores are done, is perfectly reasonable.

Why would you want to raise an entitled feeble parasite who thinks the world owes them a servant to deal with the crap that is generated from ordinary day-to-day living? Why would any parent want to fulfil that role for their own child rather than helping them to be capable and self-reliant?

No, I don’t think kids should be doing loads of household chores at such a young age. Starting them when they’re older teens makes more sense to me.

They won’t become magically house proud adults just because they learnt to clean a toilet at 8yrs old!

My 17yr old is only required to feed the cats at tea time every day. Otherwise, we might ask for help with the odd task such as lawn mowing or fetching the bins in.

When he has done that they send him up the chimney

My MIL (who I get on very well with) once told me that I was using my children as “slave labour” because they were helping me do some pre Christmas cleaning and tidying.

My D.C. are adults now, my children’s standard of housekeeping is far far better than her child’s so I’m pretty happy with my decision making in that area.