Ds accused of a hate crime

[dinosaursroars]

Hi everyone i need advice on how to deal with ds2

A few nights ago my eldest came to me in tears and said that he thought he was gay and had a bf who was his best friend first and i knew him but he said that they kept it quiet as his bfs family are muslim but they somehow found out and he broke up with ds they were going to be friends but ds told him he shouldn’t date a girl just for his parents approval as it’s selfish and not fair to treat a girl like that

boy said ds didn’t understand and blocked him this was a few weeks ago and because he lives close ds hasnt wanted to go out anywhere incase he sees him which ive noticed as he’s not gone anywhere all summer

his younger brother overheard this as he walked into the living room and didn’t say anything but ive had a message from the boys mum they live in the same building as us so i have her number but we arent close but she said ds2 had seen her son in the park and shouted at him, threw his pepsi over him and said homophobic slurs at him and his friends and maybe ds her son wasn’t sure shouted racist slurs at him she’s mentioned the police for a hatecrime which has freaked me out even tho she probs should as that behaviour isn’t ok

ive texted him to come home and he hasn’t the mum said her son said they rode off on their bikes but hes not even answered me. ds1 is upset as hes made everything worse

ages as people will ask probably ds1 is 17 next friday and ds2 is 14, the boy is 17

Even if the difference in opinion that caused the conflict is due to religious beliefs, it doesn't necessarily follow that anyone was racist.

It isn't racist to disagree with Islam on the grounds that it doesn't accept homosexuality.

OP, I’m sorry this has happened. It may be that your 14 yr old doesn’t know how to process overhearing his older brother telling you that he is gay. Boys of that age, from all backgrounds, are always using homophobic slurs - even to their close friends.
I agree with a previous poster that it is not worth getting a criminal record over. Hopefully she won’t call the police on a 14 yr old but if she does I would ask them to have a stern word with him.
Wishing you luck. And I hope both your boys are ok.

It’s virtue signaling to sit on here saying someone else’s 14 year old son needs to admit to this and have a black mark against his name over it.

When I know most of you would be hiring the best lawyer in town if your own kid was accused of something far worse.

The parents are not homophonic. They are Muslim. They were born into a belief it is forbidden. Fuck, some of you really have no idea about the world. Just because they live in the UK, are you really naive enough to think its that simple? They would probably have some fairly strong feelings if he was dating your daughter. Kaffir and gay relationships are rarely welcomed.

He has potentially put the other boy at huge huge risk

This is really awful behaviour from your younger son if the message is accurate. We are in a multicultural country with lots of complexities all trying to get on together and at 14 living in a diverse community, probably attending a diverse school, he should have some understanding of this. My children do and they are much younger. If I understand it rightly from your post, DS2 was with a group of friends and there was a drink thrown and some homophonic/racist comments said to a group of other teenagers, one of whom is a Muslim and was involved in a same sex relationship with DS1? This is serious, is a hate crime and needs you to take action, not to mention "outing" the boy to his community when he didn't want this. Police involvement or not, you should try to make this right with the other family and give your younger son a valuable insight into how his words and actions have hurt this family, the former BF and his own brother, who loves this person as a friend as well as romantically. But, you need to take this a lot more seriously than you seem to be and get to the bottom of this. You say you have texted him to come home, phone him. Keep phoning and texting him until he answers. You are his Mother, he needs to view you as an authority figure.

No one seems 100% of who said what.

Police are very unlikely criminalise a 14 year old. My ds is a policeman. They don't even criminalise for getting caught with a knife.

A 14 year old spouting homophobic and racist slurs, old enough to know better I think that's pretty vile.

Ok so it’s fine to not let your kid be gay and force him to be with a woman if you’re a Muslim. But a non Muslim kid shouting slurs needs a criminal record.
Makes perfect sense

The op said her son was accused of shouting racist slurs

I mean come on they don’t allow their own son to be gay but will call the police over a “hate crime” because someone else’s son shouted homophobic slurs. Fucking vindictive

This! ☝

You have a real chip on your shoulder. You still haven’t justified your view that it is okay for people to make homophobic and racist comments, and throw drinks over people.

Do you have me mixed up with someone else? I haven’t accused the Muslim parents of homophobia. I haven’t mentioned them at all

First question. What is DS2's version of events? Given the reaction from the bf's parents is there any chance that it isn't true?

No she doesn’t.

She says her son’s friends did and wasn’t sure about the son.

there will be much more to this I’m sure

don’t know what theyd gain from lying about ds2 doing this esp as the boys mum doesnt know ds2 really at all and i only know her through her living near us and when ds1 would go to hers when they were younger thatsonly why she has my number we arent friends in any way and dont really talk now the boys are older and were able to organise seeing eachother themselves

ds cake home as i was sorting dinner so couldnt talk to him properly and he said that the bf told him he (ds2) needs to admit hes fat and said he hates ds1 and other things he admitted to throwing his drink at him because it was funny and he deserved it

when i mentioned the homophobia and racist comments he said he didnt say anything like that then stormed off when i said i didnt believe that the boy would randomly call him fat because no one would go up to someone and say that? or maybe im naive but hes gone out while showing that no one takes a joke around here and they get offended for everything he doesnt seem bothered that ds1 is upset either

Actually, she said "she said ds2 had seen her son in the park and shouted at him, threw his pepsi over him and said homophobic slurs at him and his friends and maybe ds her son wasn’t sure shouted racist slurs at him she’s mentioned the police for a hatecrime", which isn't very clear.

I'm not sure who did what, whether the mother herself is sure, and who was actually there to see what happened and how. Even then, depending on exactly what was said, the police might not agree it was racist, if it wasn't about race, but was about religious ideology (e.g. Muslim beliefs which don't tolerate homosexuality).

He threw some soda and said some words. If the police want to pursue legal action for assault, he should accept his punishment. I am not defending those actions, but he did not put this young man at risk beyond what he did.

people who would react poorly to someone being gay are the ones who put the young man at risk. Put the blame on the right people.

That's not right. PACE s17 allows power of entry to search for a person liable to arrest.

Where does it say in the post that what the son (possibly) shouted was about religious ideology?

The right people would be the ones shouting racist and homophobic slurs

The op didn’t state that was her son/ his friends shouted though. She used the term “racist slurs”

Ok she said his friends, maybe her son, shouted racist slurs.
The term “racist narrative” suggests that racism is just a story being told. If racist slurs were shouted that is racism not difference of opinion. I’ll also remind you the ds shouted homophobic slurs so it doesn’t make sense he would be criticising anyone who is also homophobic

I haven’t said it’s ok. I have said it’s not worth getting a criminal record over especially when the parents who called the police are homophobic themselves so are obviously purely motivated by vindictiveness.

I’ve also said I believe a lot of people on here pushing the whole “admit everything to the police and take the black mark against your name”thing are virtue signaling When their own kids are accused of far worse they hire the best lawyer they know and make damn sure Timothy knows to say “no comment”

That is all. Make sure your son knows to deny it op.

Hate crime = not worth a criminal record.
This says a lot about you