Ds accused of a hate crime

[dinosaursroars]

Hi everyone i need advice on how to deal with ds2

A few nights ago my eldest came to me in tears and said that he thought he was gay and had a bf who was his best friend first and i knew him but he said that they kept it quiet as his bfs family are muslim but they somehow found out and he broke up with ds they were going to be friends but ds told him he shouldn’t date a girl just for his parents approval as it’s selfish and not fair to treat a girl like that

boy said ds didn’t understand and blocked him this was a few weeks ago and because he lives close ds hasnt wanted to go out anywhere incase he sees him which ive noticed as he’s not gone anywhere all summer

his younger brother overheard this as he walked into the living room and didn’t say anything but ive had a message from the boys mum they live in the same building as us so i have her number but we arent close but she said ds2 had seen her son in the park and shouted at him, threw his pepsi over him and said homophobic slurs at him and his friends and maybe ds her son wasn’t sure shouted racist slurs at him she’s mentioned the police for a hatecrime which has freaked me out even tho she probs should as that behaviour isn’t ok

ive texted him to come home and he hasn’t the mum said her son said they rode off on their bikes but hes not even answered me. ds1 is upset as hes made everything worse

ages as people will ask probably ds1 is 17 next friday and ds2 is 14, the boy is 17

Over ‘rude’ words and an assault.

In my time I’ve come across many people in favour of claiming they think like this but when THEIR precious little jimmy junior beats up other kids or his girlfriend they make sure he knows to deny everything.

How many of the people on this thread saying he deserves a criminal record over this would actually make their own child admit it?

Were there any witnesses to corroborate this or just the say so of his mother? Is there any video evidence of it happening? Has you son admitted what he said?

'rude words and a drink'

he was assaulted physically, and verbally abused racially. i despair for your children.

That’s not what they are saying. They are saying that in its context this probably isn’t the most damming example of ‘hate crime’. Children name calling and throwing drinks and grown men stabbing people because of their sexuality are opposite ends of the spectrum. We don’t lock children up for the former.

I’ve come across many virtue signallers like yourself but the moment your little jimmy junior beats another kid up or his girlfriend you hire the best damn lawyer in town.

Then hop on mumsnet saying it’s morally wrong to not let your kid get a criminal record over words and a drink. None of you fool me.

Police DON’T need a warrant to arrest someone. A warrant required to come in to your home would be a search warrant and that would NOT be needed to arrest OPs DS2. If they come round for OP DS2 they CAN force entry as racism is an indictable offence.

What on earth are you on about??

Do not speak to the police without a warrant or go the police station without a solicitor present. This Muslim mother is worried about her son being outed as gay which means them being ostracised in their community and the police will happily go along with the racist narrative. If the police knock on your door do not let them over the threshold, otherwise they will come in and start rifling through your bookshelf and computers.

Ffs its kids saying shit. Hate crime my arse. Some of you are so desperate to show how tolerant you are, you spew hate onto a 14 year old. The mum threatening hate crime undermines the term completely.

I’ve been perfectly clear.
People on here have no problem virtue signaling over this saying he needs to admit it all and take the black mark on his name as a consequence of his actions.

But if their own darling Timmy had done something far worse like beating up another kid or his girlfriend they make damn sure to pull every trick in the book so he doesn't get a criminal record.

I’ve personally come across more than a few people like this in my time

It isn’t virtue signalling to be anti racist and anti homophobic- it’s basic human decency and not being a cunt.
You’re minimising and trivialising what was said and done by calling it words and a drink. And I think we all know why you’re doing that

I assume DS2 was in his own way standing up for his brother, the boy was in some sort of fledgling relationship with DS1 and dumped him because his parents only want him to marry a girl. He was rubbing it in that the boy was gay and just pretending to be straight because of his parents. A good talking to when he gets home, I assume he hasn't abused his brother for being gay? If the police get involved you will have to explain the situation it's not just straightforward hate speech, but a lecture from the police would do no harm.

This makes no sense

Again, not a clue what you’re on about. ‘Darling Timmy’ and virtue signaling’?? Is that what you usually resort to when challenged about homophobia and racism?

I was not referring to being anti racist/homophobic as virtue signalling.

I was referring to the whole “he needs to admit it to the police and take the black mark against his name as a consequence”.

The very same people will hire the best lawyer in town if their own darling son is accused of something far worse like assault by beating.

In fact it’s cringe to read these comments knowing that.

“Racist narrative” implies the racism didn’t happen. Why do you think it didn’t?

Do you think theres value in finding the DS2 version of these allegations before deciding ? Or is he guilty because of the allegation ?

Don't let the police stitch your kid up. It will stay on file and follow him forever.

My Dad is homophobic. He'll admit that himself. He doesn't "understand" it and thinks its wrong.
My son is gay. My Dad knows this and loves and accepts him anyway.

Despite the fact hes homophobic, if my dad were to hear of or see a homophobic attack on DS he would defend him with every bone in his body. He wouldn't think twice about physically fighting someone. Because ultimately family matters.

FWIW my dad is slowly changing his opinions. I think having a gay Grandson is showing him that gay people are the same as everyone else. Its a slow process, but he's even agreed to meet DS' BF which is huge!

Why? My son had to deal with homophobic bullying all through school.

so It’s virtue signalling to commit a crime and then take the punishment for that crime? Ok

Well yeah but it’s not the same is it. He’s accepted your son (in your own words) whereas these parents haven’t and have forced their son to not date a boy.

Ergo it’s obviously pure vindication calling the police over “homophobic slurs” they don’t give as shit about homophobia they just want to be vindictive

Why are you defending the nasty little racist homophobe?

OP, has your son ever shown hate in this way before?

I think when he comes home be ready to listen and find out calmly what's happened.

This is serious and being forced to apologise when you don't mean it is useless. Please educate him and expose him to the stories of the hardship of those who are gay and/or Muslim and try to get him to really understand so that he develops some empathy so that he understands why it's awful.

Hopefully police don't get involved in a formal way but I might be tempted to ask if the police station would show him a cell of where he'd spend the night if he is arrested for a hate crime.

If it turns out he's actually homophobic, as opposed to just saying hurtful things, then see if you can him volunteering on a Saturday to help members of his community/or rh LGBT community. And even if it is "just" being nasty, a bit of helping others might also fit the crime. No point marching him over to apologise and taking away toys, that won't teach him anything.

I think my focus would be less on whether or not he'll be arrested and more on trying to teach him right from wrong. Id also speak to his school and see if there is hateful language being used by him or others. Be curious where it's come from.

As for your eldest - I'm sorry he's heartbroken but I'd be very proud of him. He sounds incredibly mature for his age, especially in thinking of how girls should be treated. And hopefully he finds someone who makes him happy.