Ds accused of a hate crime

[dinosaursroars]

Hi everyone i need advice on how to deal with ds2

A few nights ago my eldest came to me in tears and said that he thought he was gay and had a bf who was his best friend first and i knew him but he said that they kept it quiet as his bfs family are muslim but they somehow found out and he broke up with ds they were going to be friends but ds told him he shouldn’t date a girl just for his parents approval as it’s selfish and not fair to treat a girl like that

boy said ds didn’t understand and blocked him this was a few weeks ago and because he lives close ds hasnt wanted to go out anywhere incase he sees him which ive noticed as he’s not gone anywhere all summer

his younger brother overheard this as he walked into the living room and didn’t say anything but ive had a message from the boys mum they live in the same building as us so i have her number but we arent close but she said ds2 had seen her son in the park and shouted at him, threw his pepsi over him and said homophobic slurs at him and his friends and maybe ds her son wasn’t sure shouted racist slurs at him she’s mentioned the police for a hatecrime which has freaked me out even tho she probs should as that behaviour isn’t ok

ive texted him to come home and he hasn’t the mum said her son said they rode off on their bikes but hes not even answered me. ds1 is upset as hes made everything worse

ages as people will ask probably ds1 is 17 next friday and ds2 is 14, the boy is 17

there’s no need to get stressed. Tell ds to deny everything, they have no proof.

Yes it’s not great to shout rude things but getting a criminal record over it would be silly. DENY DENY DENY.

I mean come on they don’t allow their own son to be gay but will call the police over a “hate crime” because someone else’s son shouted homophobic slurs. Fucking vindictive

No of course i’m shocked and angry with him and feel for ds1 and the boy who he did this too. This isnt learnt behaviour im not like this nor is my eldest so I don’t know where its come from. The other night when he overheard ds telling me he didn’t say anything and hasnt said anything since

But the mention of police has freaked me out but as i said she probs should report him to the police as the behaviour isn’t ok and its not a way to treat anyone regardless of what hes done / how he’s treated ds1 and ds1 and ds2 arent thst close so i dont understand why hes done this

Is she? She can’t even get him on the phone to come home 🤦🏻‍♀️

He also threw a drink over him, so it’s not just about words.

Any proof any recording. If not it won't go anywhere legally .

Not true if they believe a person who needs arresting is inside, they don’t need a warrant.
If he is interviewed get legal advice (it’s free, he will be offered a solicitor whether is voluntary interview or arrest) , don’t try and write your own prepared statement. The police will ask questions about what happened and the account given. Your son had the opportunity to say the truth, lie, or go no comment to questions. If you lie in a prepared statement it is taken as lying in interview, hence why only do a prepared statement if you have a solicitor to help.

It’s shitty behaviour by your youngest, there’s not much you can do about it now other than talk to him and try and understand why he did that and try and get him to understand that this behaviour is not acceptable.

Hopefully, a talking to by the police will stop him behaving like that in the future.

They don’t care about homophobia when they are forcing their gay son to date women but suddenly it’s a big issue when someone else’s son shouts rude words.
It would be absolutely absurd to get a criminal record over this, make sure your son denies it op with no proof they cannot do anything

Just find out what happened first. The other family may well be angry with your family. Does this sound like DS2?

This isnt learnt behaviour Of course it is. Maybe not from you, but it is learned. And doesn't spring from nowhere. I know very well how my teenager feels about racism, islamophobia and homophobia. Did you?

Not saying he hasn’t done it as who knows but a bit weird that the son would tell his mum about homophobic slurs when he didn’t want them to know he was gay. That parts not adding up tbh.

you're a nasty piece of work. i hope you don't have any children

I doubt they'll go to the police as that would be tantamount to admitting their son is gay.

I don't condone DS2's behaviour in the slightest but he may have been trying to stick up for his brother. Of course, he may just be homophobic. Either way he still needs to be read the riot act.

Well bit late for that I’ve had children since I was 16 and wouldn’t be on “mums” net if I didn’t 😂

The parents don’t care about homophobia when they are forcing their gay son to date women but suddenly it’s a big issue when someone else’s son shouts rude words.

Im just saying criminal records should be for actual criminals not a teenage boy who shouted something rude. In a world where people go into shops and steal things every day with no repercussions getting a black mark on your name over this would be absurd.

At the moment.
you have an account from the mother of the BF. She wasn't there.
You haven't heard from the BF
and You haven't heard from your 14 year old.
There was another boy there with DS2.
The BF isn't sure who shouted the racist slurs.
the BF (who is 17) was with friends.

So you don't really know what went on yet.
Who said what
and to whom
and why.
But clearly it's a serious issue.

But you do need to talk to your DS to find out more. Hopefully things are not as bad as it initially appears and then you have a chance to educate your DS 2 and discuss with the other mum.
I feel sorry for DS1 being involved in this even though he wasn't there.

What a vile thing to say about a 14 yr old boy.

You have a problem with the parents being homophobic but not the 14 year old who threw a drink over him and shouted homophobic ( and possibly racist) insults?

Probably because he thinks he can’t have a go at gays in front of you so the other kid was an easier option.

You don't need to be a parent to be on mumsnet

Find out what happened first and bear in mind that the woman who is reporting this to you is in fact a homophobe.

Seems there’s a reasonable chance of this being a case of your son standing up for his brother and saying something along the lines of “you’re gay, why are you denying it/just admit you’re gay”

or is he actually a homophobic racist? You must have an idea about that?

Pepsi is really bad for the environment.

Um there was witnesses. And teaching him to lie on top of this behaviour is really piss poor parenting.

I’m questioning why the parents seem to care enough about “homophobic slurs” to warrant calling the police on a 14 year old boy but are themselves homophobic and won’t let their son be gay.

It’s obviously pure vindication and the best course of action is to deny it if you admit to it it’s a black mark on your name. At age 14. Over rude words and a drink.

14 is a perfect time to learn that actions have consequences.

Why is it revolting?