Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

Agree !! inheriting a bit more is an advantage that slightly makes up for not having been brought up by both parents in the same household.

I have spoken to my mum, so has my brother. We have told her that we don’t care how she divides her will and no offence would be taken by us if she chooses to include the step children equally. Her response was ‘noted, thank you.’ This wasn’t enough for my sister, she wanted us to tell our mum that the will was unfair and she needs to change it. We refused and she hasn’t spoken to us since.

Your sister is being absolutely ridiculous.
the stepchildren will inherit from their mums family also so they’ll be well looked after. And they’re not being left out, they’re just inheriting less.
I have stepchildren and it wouldn’t even cross my parents mind to include them in their will, nor would I want them
too. They’ve enough coming from their mum eventually.

God no! But I have two sisters, and like I said my mum wanted to treat one of my sisters differently in her will.

It would have been a commentary on how she lives her life from beyond the grave, and as the executor I didn't want my mums legacy to be one of bad feeling, it was hard enough losing her young, I spoke to her and explained how it would feel for my sister, how it would be for me being the executor carrying out wishes I didn't really agree with, and she reconsidered on her own, I would have carried out her wishes either way.

People on here would have said, stop interfering, stop being grabby, entitled etc, it's her money blah blah bloody blah.. but ultimately my mum would still be dead and we'd be left with the fall out from it, with not one party being unreasonable.

Family is everything to me, and I am the one always striving to keep us together as a family after our mum died, 11 years later and we are closer now than we have ever been but it could have gone the other way.

I personally think how OPs sister treats her 4 children is how anyone else in the family should treat her children, engineering something to purposely go against that would not sit right with me as a sibling.. I would never EVER say 'not my problem', if it's a them problem, it's a me problem.

OP, imo it is cruel of your mum to cause this trouble just to prevent your sister possibly using her inheritance to give a foot up to her sc.

Come on, if she’s caused a big rift between her own children was it really worth it?

Reality is that your sister will now over compensate by making sure the sc have the same advantages potentially causing further rifts and tensions between her children.

Your mum should have left as it was.

Seems fair enough to me - it's her cash her decision.
Her step GC will (might) inherit from their mum / her parents.

None of my sisters children or stepchildren have both parents in the same household. The bio children saw their mum and dad 60/40 ish. The step children lived with their mum most of the time and saw their dad and my sister some weekends and holidays.

However your sister feels about her mums Will, and you and your brothers opinions, the fact that she couldn't congratulate your brothers daughter on her A Level results is out of order - that would tell me all I needed to know about your sister, and I'd just be leaving her to stew...
Also telling was your mums comment of "noted" when you and your brother mentioned the inheritance, she sounds like shes made her decision, and whilst acknowledging what you've said, nothing will change...your sister needs to be careful - her kids inheritance may end up being distributed elsewhere!

My brother thinks that maybe we have just found out who our sister really is. He thinks if she is prepared to have a rift over this, more fool her. If she now treats her bio children differently to favour her step children, then she really is an arse isn’t she.

My mum shouldn’t have to appease my sister. Her SC are still inheriting.

Your brother is correct

This is total nonsense. Every single person ever born has four biological grandparents.

Whether those grandparents are alive/dead or involved/not does not mean that they do not exist.

I meant it a general point. If step children in general inherit a bit more because they have step families then good for them after a childhood of navigating that type of situation. I doubt it happens that much t in reality. They will be used to being othered though. It just happens in blended families .

My brother and SIL are very annoyed over that. My mum would not take away her GCs inheritance, but if my sister continues, my brother reckons she may take away the SCs entirely. I don’t know what she will do and just want everyone to get along.

Actually; she’s not. The money is left to her children, and not her. So the children should get it. She has no right to split it with the stepchildren

Maybe everyone found out who everyone else is. Your mum seems to be fine with creating hurt and drama. Your brother and you seem fine with your sister being upset. Your sister seems unreasonable. Your kids seem unempathetic.

A happy, healthy family would have done everything very differently.

The only opinion that matters here is the person who is writing the will. It is their money to do with as they wish. I would be horrified if anyone tried to tell me what to do with my money.

Yes, but both sets of kids are step kids. My sisters husband is step dad to her kids too.

I think she is being absolutely ridiculous and so petty to not get in touch with her own niece is pathetic. You mum is being fair to her 7 biological grandchildren. She is also helping out the step children, who I assume also have both parents and grandparents on the scene? That is for their biological family to deal with. Your sister needs to get a grip.

Like I said though, was this really worth it for your mum?

That being the case, then surely your sisters expects her bio children to inheritance from her husband's parents then? It would be interesting to know her view on that...

Spot on.

It’s the sister that has caused trouble and created the rift, as if she had any right to make such demands of her mother. If she decides to compound it by putting her own children at a disadvantage that too is on her.

Your mum could leave your and brother shares to your respective kids and then DSIS share to her. She can then do what she wants to vary the will. This then accounts for the possible scenarios ( dsis gets divorced and remarried or whatever ). Just a thought

Maybe the fairest thing would be to split it 3 ways and then sub divide that to the grandchildren. Agree with her sentiment though.

Are you here to cause drama? It sounds like it.

My mum just wants to leave her money mostly to her GC, but with some to step children that she doesn’t know that well. I don’t think that should be controversial. The amount she is leaving them isn’t small imo.

I’ve said I’m upset. I am trying to keep in touch with my sister. I sent a message about A levels and a card and gift, so has my brother, That is hardly saying we are ok with her being upset. Don’t even try coming for my kids when their first response was they don’t want to think of their granny dying. But unempathetic? Right.

You have literally slagged off my entire family. I won’t be replying further to the drama you are trying to make.