Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

You’ve misunderstood, it’s the other way around, this poster received less than their cousins because they are 1/4 and got 1/4 of their dad’s half whereas the cousins are 1/2 and got half of their parent’s half.

If the grandmother did it according to the DGC then that poster’s family would have been better off.

It's up to your mum how she decides to divide her estate . Whether she is being unreasonable or not it's not for your sister or anyone else to tell her what to put in her will.
I can understand how your sister feels and it's good that she sees her step children as her children but if she feels that strongly she can ask her biological children to share their inheritance with their half siblings so they all get the same

My dad will leave his estate to my two younger paternal half brothers and his ex-wife (mother of the second brother). My mother will have nothing to leave either me nor my maternal half sister.

I don't believe it's any of my business what he chooses to do with his money.

No grandchildren are being left out.

Your mother is very generous to leave all her grandchildren an equal amount. She's right to skip a generation as you've mentioned all her children have enough. She's being very fair in also also considering the two step children.

I disagree I think she should have done it and not told anyone.

My parents compromised and split their estate in two. Half was split between my siblings and me; the other half went to the named biological grandchildren, equally - there was zero chance at that point of any more being born (post-menopause/vasectomy etc).
Also, there are step-children of one of my siblings but they were almost adults when we met them and my parents barely knew them. They weren't the slightest bit interested in knowing any of us so the division of assets seemed fair to us - but my sibling's spouse was apparently furious about it.

I think it is entirely up to your mum what she wants to do with her money.

She doesn't have the same relationship with the two stepgrandchildren as she does with her biological grandchildren because she hasn't spent as much time with them over the years due to custody arrangements.

She is 'looking after' the interests of your sister's 2 biological children ie if mum left equal shares to her own children, your sister would split that equally between her biological and step children. So the biological kids would get half what your mum wants them to have.

Your sister chose to marry a man with 2 children, and thinks of all 4 of them as hers. But she can't force others to think the same.

For example, if sister and DH divorced, would all your extended family members make an effort to keep in close contact with the SC?

Whichever way you lo9k at it, it is your mum's money and solely her decision as to what she does with it.

Your sister will have to make her peace with it, or bear a grudge forever and maybe split from the family. There's not a lot you can do about it.

In light of your updates, I think your mum is being reasonable and your sister unreasonable. I'd then stay out of it. Your sister should pipe down.

My earlier comments regarding skipping generations being hurtful, which is my view (it's happening to us), OP has updated that her & her siblings are all well off, so that does change things in my view. If we were well off, I'd be fine with it skipping a generation.

I have been sending her messages over the last month asking to talk and telling her I miss her. 😢

I sent her another message yesterday to say congrats to my nephew on his A levels and getting his firm choice uni, which we knew as he had been in touch with my kids on social media. We also sent a card and gift in the post which I know has arrived. My brother has done the same and we haven’t heard anything.

This isn’t really how it would happen though is it, children would be able to grasp that granny has ultimately split it between her own children and so each grandchild is getting a portion of their parent’s split.

What happens if any sibling has further grandchildren? What about in a different circumstance where one child doesn’t have any children? Do they not receive any inheritance just because they choose not to or couldn’t have children?

In your situation I think leaving him out was cruel because to all intents and purposes he is your husband's only child.

Try reading my post again. I am one of 4 and have 2 cousins. I get a smaller share of the estate than my cousins do, and I'm completely fine with that (as are my 3 siblings).

It's so sad that a loving family falls out over a future inheritance.

Do all the DGC and SGC know what your mum has planned? If so, what do they think about it? Do all the kids view the SC as 'the same' as them with regard to family connection?

Let her sulk.

You are able to contact your niece and nephew directly to pass on congratulations. They shouldn’t have to lose their own relationships with the family because of your sister.

The cousins are each getting more than the poster and her siblings and she thinks that is fair. Half of the estate to each family, poster and three siblings get 1/8 each, 2 cousins get 1/4 each.

Skipping a generation makes sense to me as the 3 of us are well off.

That's my point though, if you're all well off and your mum is well off, why bother putting a much lower value on the SC, knowing full well your sister would absolutely treat them equally if it was channeled through her first?

It's no surprise she is upset, and it's nothing to do with being grabby IMO, she just wanted the opportunity to make it fair within her own family so there is no massive financial disparity between her and her husbands 4 children going in to the future.

If my mum skipped the generation, like you confirmed, to make sure the scales were always going to be unbalanced against the SC, I would feel a certain way about it.. depending on the amounts left that could cause a lifetime of resentment between the siblings.

What's the point of it? I think it's an awful legacy to leave.

Where do you live? This isn’t legal where I am, children (including adult children) have legal rights over the deceased person's movable estate and can’t be skipped over for Grandchildren.

Also I have a DSD who has been my parents grandchild since she was 3 and they’d never dream of doing this, everyone gets the same. I 100% agree with your sister.

I don’t think you’ve answered the question about whether the step children will also inherit from other grandparents / parents? I think that is relevant here.

Exactly ! My biological grandparents did not even know I exist! Why assume step children have all grandparents involved.

It doesn’t need to be ‘balanced with the DC’, because 1, her daughter’s stepchildren are not her grandchildren, and 2, outside of limited instances, a will doesn’t need to be ‘fair’ at all.

If the sister wants to treat her stepchildren equally to her actual children then she can do that with her own money. She isn’t entitled to dictate what her mother does with hers.

Making a decision knowing it may cause upset and purposely trying to cause upset are two different things.
No one has suggested the reason the children were skipped was to be fair, OPs told us already it’s because they are all financially secure.
I think you’re pulling apart what has been written and taking what you want from it rather reading what is actually in front of you.

It isn’t relevant to OP’s mum. There is no bearing on her to equalise inheritance to step DGC if they have no contact with their paternal GP’s

I agree - some children may not have any biological grandparents! Some may have more than 4 due to remarriage etc! My DSD is very close to my parents but my DHs parents died young, before she was born. She’s also close to her stepdads parents and her Mum’s parents, so in effect has 6 grandparents who love her. More people to love never hurt anyone.

I think its a ridiculous will. Just leave it equally to you and your siblings and let you all pass it down to the kids. Problem solved.