To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

[PapaSteel]

I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have dc together, he has a son from his previous relationship. He's 15 and not his bio son but he's been in his life since he was young and he sees him as his dad

Alot happened when we got together as his ex would tell SS that DP didn't want to see him anymore now he was dating me which wasn't true at all. She was physically & verbally abusive towards him and he's been living with us since he was 13 (after he told school about howHe has a lot of trauma and anger which school are supportive about and outside of school he gets help on how to manage the anger and he is a lot better than he was but the anger is still there so we are just patient with him

We're currently on holiday with my sister and her 2 dc and have been here since Monday. There was issues almost straight away as ss got angry at the claw machine but he and dp left the arcade and went for a walk to calm down as the arcade was busy so there was no way he'd have been able to calm down whilst in the arcade. My sister described him as a tantrumming toddler who didn't get his own way and said partner wasn't doing him any favours. I ignored her

He loves drawing and usually if you ask he will show what he's drawing but earlier he was at the table drawing and my niece (10) kept asking what he was drawing. He told her but she kept saying “show me show me” despite him saying no, she pulled his sketch book away from him which caused him to shout at her and she “accidentally” spilt her water on it. He was clearly very angry/upset and walked off to go to his room and she followed him and called him a baby, asked if he was going to cry etc, and he turned round and hit her and now he's being made out to be the bad guy

During this my sister was out with her other dc, my dp was in the shower and I was telling her multiple times to leave him alone and do something else even when she was repeatedly telling him to show her his drawing and she ignored me

My sister is now back and furious, she said she doesn't want her children to share a space with a “violent man”, and has even mentioned going to the police and social services on us if we're happy to have him around our children as he's not related to us when asked where he should go she just replied care

AIBU to think she's overreacting? I know SS shouldn't have hit her and he knows this too but she hasn't apologised for her part in deliberatly winding him up and sister says she doesn't need to as she's a child and he's nearly an adult

Your sister also had a part in this, she called your stepson a toddler. What else has she said in your nieces hearing? A 10 year old calling a 15 year old a cry baby? That's come from somewhere else - your sister.

I think it’s a bit bizarre to refer to them as a man and a woman and to compare this to a domestic violence relationship.
He should not have hit her and his father and OP need to speak to him privately and talk to him about being close to becoming an adult man and the realities of child protection and criminal records and the importance of not using your strength against someone weaker.
I don’t think they should humiliate him in front of OP’s sister who is, in my opinion, overreacting by saying he should be in care.
He is still a child and a child with problems. He can still do a lot of growing up in the next few years and the way OP’s sister is reacting would likely result in things deteriorating rather than improving.
There are degrees of violence and he hasn’t punched her in the face, flattened her or injured her.
I would take it very seriously with him though but not reject him. I can’t see the evidence for saying that he’s a risk to OPs younger children at this point but I would be very vigilant.
I don’t think OP is going to change the way her sister sees this and it’s probably best not to see her when he’s present.
How the sister handles this with her daughter is up to her but I wouldn’t be demanding apologies. If OP and her sister interfere in how they each handle their children they are going to seriously fall out.

She needs to apologise for spilling water on his picture when he refused to allow her to see it she ruined his drawing and that’s not a nice thing to do to someone. He told her no she needed to accept his answer not take his sketch book. She needs a lesson in respecting peoples boundaries and property.

Can you expel a pupil for a single incident which was provoked?
I certainly know of older pupils who weren't.

You do for destroying property and name calling, all unprovoked.

I think we can be fairly confident that this would not have been a single incident.

The OP makes clear that school has seen enough concerning instances from this boy that he spends most of his time away from his peers in the SEN unit.

If he’d hit a year 7 at school, at his age, with a back drop that he does… he’d have been expelled. And the school would no doubt heave a huge sigh of relief