To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

[PapaSteel]

I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have dc together, he has a son from his previous relationship. He's 15 and not his bio son but he's been in his life since he was young and he sees him as his dad

Alot happened when we got together as his ex would tell SS that DP didn't want to see him anymore now he was dating me which wasn't true at all. She was physically & verbally abusive towards him and he's been living with us since he was 13 (after he told school about howHe has a lot of trauma and anger which school are supportive about and outside of school he gets help on how to manage the anger and he is a lot better than he was but the anger is still there so we are just patient with him

We're currently on holiday with my sister and her 2 dc and have been here since Monday. There was issues almost straight away as ss got angry at the claw machine but he and dp left the arcade and went for a walk to calm down as the arcade was busy so there was no way he'd have been able to calm down whilst in the arcade. My sister described him as a tantrumming toddler who didn't get his own way and said partner wasn't doing him any favours. I ignored her

He loves drawing and usually if you ask he will show what he's drawing but earlier he was at the table drawing and my niece (10) kept asking what he was drawing. He told her but she kept saying “show me show me” despite him saying no, she pulled his sketch book away from him which caused him to shout at her and she “accidentally” spilt her water on it. He was clearly very angry/upset and walked off to go to his room and she followed him and called him a baby, asked if he was going to cry etc, and he turned round and hit her and now he's being made out to be the bad guy

During this my sister was out with her other dc, my dp was in the shower and I was telling her multiple times to leave him alone and do something else even when she was repeatedly telling him to show her his drawing and she ignored me

My sister is now back and furious, she said she doesn't want her children to share a space with a “violent man”, and has even mentioned going to the police and social services on us if we're happy to have him around our children as he's not related to us when asked where he should go she just replied care

AIBU to think she's overreacting? I know SS shouldn't have hit her and he knows this too but she hasn't apologised for her part in deliberatly winding him up and sister says she doesn't need to as she's a child and he's nearly an adult

Blimey you've gone from he might be ND to he's disabled. You're probably disabled after that reach.

The boy would likely be suspended and a behaviour plan put in place. The girl would likely be given a detention and a close eye would be kept on her, she may also be put on a behaviour plan if this is normal for her? The school wpuld consider why boyh behaving like this? Do the families need support? Are the children safe? It wouldn't be ignored.

You don't get a detention because someone else has anger management problems. Nobody's fault but his.

I cant believe you're brushing this off. Your step son did something ILLEGAL, you should be thanking your lucky stars that your sister hasn't gone to the police. He is above the age of criminal responsibility, unlike your neice, and he commited a criminal act. Will you be defending him when he hits his girlfriend and telling her she was asking for it too?

You do for calling someone a cry baby, asking them if they are going to cry, ignoring the teacher asking them to stop and ruining their work.

A year 7 girl. Hit by an year 10/11 boy.

I promise you, she would not get a detention

Can guarantee if this happened in school the girls parents would considering calling the police also.

Clearly our experiences of schools are vastly different. I wouldn't,t like to be a child at all school that ignores those behaviours, would you?

Your children aren’t at secondary

I've worked with plenty. Behaviour like this SHOULD BE viewed as a red flag by teachers.

If a woman swears at a man is he allowed to punch her? And if he does punch her do you think the police will say she caused it and make her apologise too?

The girl was provoking an argument, as kids do...so if things ended there she would deserve a punishment

He is a nasty little git. No way should any 15 year old, male, female hit a 10 year old.

Angry or not he has no excuse to hit out...words are enough to stop a 10 year old.

Op I really can't believe you're minimalising this

No. Absolutely not. But should women be allowed to verbally abuse other people?

If you don't think a woman should be punished for swearing, then you can't insist a primary school child apologise for calling a 15yo a cry baby. He was being a cry baby to be fair. Throwing tantrums over arcade games.
Yes there's reasons but that isn't the 10yos problem or responsibility to manage.
Ultimately it's OP who has failed both kids by sitting there and not doing anything.

I do wonder what he must be like at school. Surely children his own age will tease him occasionally. I can't imagine this is the first assault by him.

Comparing apples and oranges.

if the boy had told the 10 year old girl to ‘piss off’ or similar, this thread wouldn’t be as long as it is. I think the vast majority could could brush that off as him losing his cool.

Adults behave in with lots of ways that children should be picked up on. I do believe it is wrong to swear at people in an aggressive manner unprovoked, you are free to disagree with me. I think if someone regularly abuses people unprovoked and damages their property, the police and possible adult social care would become involved because it is not acceptable normal adult behaviour.

Can we also note that the ‘damaging of property’ was a water spill that happened then ‘she caused him to shout at her’ Sounds to me like he startled her, but it wouldn’t suit OPs narrative to label it as an accident

@Tiedtomydesk
in domestic abuse cases between man and woman, do you think fact that the woman was winding her partner up should be taken in to account when he hits her?

I think I’d be more inclined to sympathise with him if the night before he hadn’t lost it at a completely inanimate object and had had to be escorted by the DP to cool off

Just to be clear, are you intending to insult this poster by suggesting they might be disabled?

This is getting ridiculous now.

Should a 15YO be hitting? No, it is seriously wrong and OP and the SS know that and are working to change the behaviour.

Should a 10YO girl be name calling, goading, potentially throwing water over someones belongings (pretty big coincidence IMO if it was an accident) and ignoring adults? No and the parents need to acknowledge and correct the behaviour.

If my child behaves in a way I don't like, I acknowledge the behaviour. We shouldn't need 20 pages debating if this is an acceptable way for a child about to start secondary school to behave.

You have avoided my question

I was curious. Do you think in domestic abuse cases, if a woman has been really winding up a man, and he hit her in response, should be considered by the law?