To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

It’s not a lot down to you. Perhaps your support was helpful.

He sat the exams. He did the work.

The ego of some people. 🙄

When your dd gives birth will you claim credit for that too?

Well done for encouraging him to do his best but that's no more than any parent should be doing.

Very true. None of my family have gone to uni, all the men earn very well in construction jobs. More income than academics. It's soooo snobby.

Only aspired to go into social care?????!

Don’t sulk when you don’t get an invite to drop him off at the Russell Group uni, because he wants his parents to be there.
I mean, well done for being supportive (like anyone involved in a DC’s life should be), but taking credit takes the biscuit.

I think you should feel proud, you've obviously helped him and he will look back when older and realise this, if he doesn't already. It's nice to feel you have been a good role model and influence on him. I hope my child feels that way about me too. Even if he ends up not going to university or doing well in his exams, knowing he has a supportive parent that believes in him is the key thing.

You asked us if you are being unreasonable to think your son's achievement is down to you. You don't come across as the type of person who would keep this thought to yourself, or to think it was unreasonable.

I think it's likely you have been demonstrating in word and deed how great and benevolent you are ever since you started bestowing your great wisdom on your dolt of a step-son. That you have made a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

I'm going to guess that your mother or husband or both - fed up up with listening to you banging on about how special you are - has shot you down for making your son's achievement all about you.

So you come on here expecting a round of applause and a bucket-full of sympathy.

You are being unreasonable.

Oh not all! Both my mother and my husband said yesterday (without prodding) that it would have been possible without me.

Even his own mother has thanked me for all the support.

Seriously, your reward should be his success, and not recognition for your contribution to it.
You sound quite self-obsessed and ‘pick-me’.

Wind your neck in and celebrate HIS success with HIM, not giving yourself a pat on the back.

Why can’t it be both?

Because it is his moment to shine, and to be recognised for his efforts and achievements. It's like insisting on 'helping' blow out the candles on someone else's birthday cake!

I'm sure that with all your talents and achievements, you have had many such moments of glory. You don't need to horn in on his. It's tacky.

You are spending so much time thinking how much this is to your credit, taking away from the energy you spend recognising and celebrating it as his.

Because this is about him, not you. Don't steal his thunder.

You sound more and more like my toxic "she never thanked me for paying for her music lessons" mother.

She hated the attention I got when I played the piano (I played particularly well at a young age) and always tried to deflect attention away from me onto her.

She was always petty and ridiculous at music events, but she surpassed herself on one occasion when filled with frustration and impotent rage at the failure of those present to acknowledge her specialness she blurted out;

"She's never thanked me for paying for her music lessons!"

He’s super lucky that you came along to save him from his useless and uneducated family…

They're probably trying to mollify you so you don't spoil their boy's special day with a tantram.

Unfortunately it's clear they aren't showering you with enough praise, because you're on here looking for more instead of celebrating your son's achievement.

god this thread is full of nasty and bitter people

I have significant achievements on similar front and I’m proud of them but my mom made a lot of effort and made sacrifices to support me and make this happen too.

i do not begrudge her parental pride and I do not begrudge her being proud of what she did to
support me. JUST LIKE THE OP she does not shout about it from the rooftops and does not take any shine away from me but what she did matters and she can be proud of that and can be proud of me.

people who have an issue with that need their head screwed back on

well done OP your stepson is lucky to have you

Then what are you posting here for? How many people do you need to hear that you’ve done a good job from?

How do you know he’s not being celebrated??

Obviously he is being celebrated. That's why you are so sore. Like a spoilt child, you want the attention he's getting. You think you deserve it, because you think you are special and superior to him and his dull-witted family. You are not.

Don't forget you - presumably voluntarily - married into this family of dimwits, so perhaps you aren't so clever after all...

Don't spoil the celebration with your petty anger at not being the centre of attention. Neither your son nor anyone else who witnesses it will forget you spoiling his special day.

Looking on the bright side, it's got him out of the shitshow that is home life.

And the OP might not have used any of the MSc knowledge to help him cheat at the coursework component. Although then it would be purely his own efforts and the OP wouldn't be wanting to claim credit, as sitting there with him talking at her or say 'That's the US spelling, you need to change it to -ise for British English' (which is the limit of coursework parental involvement permitted by JCQ) isn't cheating in the way that explaining stuff, rewriting paragraphs or making any suggestion at all about improvements would be.

Ok with your projections my friend

Bloody hell this thread is batshit nasty.
My daughter had a project that was 50% of an important exam and our neighbour a professor in the subject took a look over it and gave her valuable feedback that she adapted.
She aced the exam and dropped a card and fine bottle of Port to his house as she really felt he helped her take her project to the next level.

She speaks very highly of him and runs into him occasionally and always references his kindness to her when she was stresses and under pressure.

The OP has been doing this for years, of course she feels a part of his success.

My children have had teachers over the years that 100% went above and beyond for their students, and again they rightly give them full credit for their contribution to their overall success.

My post is entirely based on what you have told us about yourself.

Having been brought up by a toxic self-absorbed narcissist, I recognise the type and avoid them as friends. So I am not your friend, nor you mine.

I really haven’t said anything beyond that I think that I player a role in his accomplishments.

I get the feeling you’ll let him know sooner or later.