To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

Not really, as he was performing below expectations when we met (and for a couple of years) until I got more involved.
Which partly explains why he had the mindset that going to uni was not for him.

well done OP, you did it. you are the bestest!

Congratulations on your son's achievement hun. Be sure to buy yourself something nice, you deserve it 🌹

Privately of course you can.
Ignore the nasty posters.
Bottom line is lots of people rightfully acknowledge those that supported them during secondary as critical to their gaining university access, especially as they mature.
Not everyone has interested parents that push for further education.

Having someone who sees the possibilities for you beyond your background can be really life changing.

I think you are fabulous and your stepson is so lucky to have had you routing for him.

Yanbu...at all.

I think your DSs will always remember you as a special person in his life.
Well done.

Let’s not pretend one needs a RG degree in social care to work in a care home and let’s not pretend that this a job which will provide financial stability

You are the only person who has mentioned care homes.

We were talking about social care because OPs son wanted to work in social care.

Care home work is not the only career in social care.

Many social care careers require further education and are well remunerated.

Read the thread and you'll understand the context.

Yes I didn't need to read more than your title. If you're in a kids life you encourage them that's literally your job.

Please go to therapy to address why you need a child's achievement to be yours.

I don’t think that’s necessarily my job as a stepparent, but horses for courses I guess.

In future don't do a thing for the kid or in fact anyone if it comes with unsaid strings attached.

No doubt it you were a forces wife you'd no doubt be a dependa "we serve too"

Excuse me? At home we have a rule to not really parent each others children. We only get involved if the DC want us to.

So for example, my daughter did music for GSCE (my DH was a musician at some point) and she never welcomed his offers to help, so we let her be.

This!!! I really really cannot stand the "its all because if my wonderful parenting" bullshit.

He went there, he sat the exams, HE DID THIS.

Yes you supported him. Thats your job. As a parent in his life.

I hope you havent said any of this to him. Let him have his moment and be proud of him while keeping your thoughts on your part in it to yourself.

I remember my dad did something similar to my brother got his A levels. "This was because I pushed him and helped him all the way through " totally destroyed my brothers confidence by the way.

So on this basis is it actually all his teachers’ work because they taught him stuff and nothing to do with your DS 🙄?

Be proud but do not try to claim the glory/take the credit FFS!

Whose first thought when a kid does well in their exams and gets into uni is “OMG, I’m so proud of ME”?? 😅

The fact OP then went on to start a thread about it seeking further validation/praise makes me wonder if she’s been told to wind in her necik in real life.

Or he'll think of the psycho that wouldn't let him have one achievement of his own OP Is like the parents on dance mums 😂

How would he anyway? He doesn’t know I think this way!

I get you. That’s surely true of parenting overall (step or not). Though I have found with my own children it is still 95% them though. My son was not academic, thought of school as a social club and did the minimum amount of work. No matter how much I encouraged, supported, worked out a revision schedule (with his input), printed dozens of past papers, study books, tutors… he still blew his GCSEs. My DD on the other hand needed no input whatsoever and got three A stars at A level.
But the ones in between who may need some extra support and the idea they are capable, then sure an invested adult who wants to show the possibilities that come from concentrated effort can make the difference. It could be a teacher as much as a parent. But yes, you can be quietly proud of yourself and how well your son did!

I bet he does.

How do you know?

I’ve never said anything in front of him, and I’ve only made a passing comment to my DH and my mother when he’s not been around.

So unless his father has told him he would t know at all.

Just don't tell him that, it was all his work and I guess his teacher's would have been telling him that he was doing really well and should look at good univercities.

Narcissistic much?

Are you one of those parents who posts your child’s (stepchild’s) results on Facebook under the disguise of „congratulating „ them ? Because congratulating them in person doesn’t really mean much until the entire world can see it?
What next? He passes his driving test and that will somehow be about you too? Look at me with my insecurities, at least my child is a model citizen and it’s all down to me.
as someone said above you’re not the main character,
The Russel group seems to be handing out places like free candy at the moment so I wouldn’t boast about that either.
Well done to your stepson though!

Who knows where he got his abilities from ? Or who has influenced him. And how much has been his own internal drive to achieve ?
Many parents step or not will think they have influenced, and many have. Some for better, some not.
But you will not be the only influencer. A teacher, a friend whose attitude is different. Fear of failing !

Yes, you will have done your bit. But others will have too.

OP you are giving MIL who wears white to her stepson's wedding here.