When is enough, enough. 33YO husband, still unable to be an adult and take the reign.

[13MAPARTHELL]

Ive had enough.

2 kids / 4&5

hes self employed job has caused us issues since day 1, hes iliterate on a computer, he cant make phone calls to companies really, hes extremely unreliable.

he ears triple what I earn, never saved a penny, no pension, no life insurance, no nothing

meanwhile, I have 2 kids with additional needs, work full time, set them up an ISA when born, have life insurance set up, savings account, do all cleaning & cooking & life admin.

it feels like hes taking the piss, i do so much for him and im always made to feel the bitch, because im not a little sweet girl who will do everything for him without a fight (like his mother) who btw, now has nothing to do with him, sometimes i dont blame her.

the kind where you do it all, but youll never get a happy birthday 😂

biggest ick and turn off ever, is it to much to ask for a man who can provide even somewhat? I actually wouldn’t chose to wear the trousers in such a significant way?

anyone else tired of these useless ‘men’

Through his mind?

Same way OP said he earns 3x her wage when she was working but then she doesn't know how much he earns because he won't give her access to bank details. Then says shedoes know he earns 2000 a month but she was working full-time for the Home Office till a month ago which i'm sure would be more that a third of 2k a month?

And UC let her claim as a single person despite living with DP who is bringing in some kind of money..3X her wage or 2k a month or nothing..

And OP was 'thriving' in her full time job and had to take a sabbatical but then said she was lying to work WFH caring for her autistic DC and attending lots of appts which wasn't sustainable so not thriving at all.

Plus getting pissed and posting on MN while apparently caring for 2 autistic kids with no help from DP or family. who are so high needs they now can't go to school or nursery.

It's all very complicated.

you also wouldn’t say he earns 3x what I do then forget to say he doesn’t contribute to any bills

Yeah, to her kids. This useless wastral can either shape up or ship out. Even if she was married she should still leave him.

Can you confirm you were earning less than £700 a month working full time at the Home Office OP?

😲

This should have been your opening post!

must be through his mind no wonder it doesn’t work properly.

OP should probably contact ACAS and start a claim against fhe government for paying her less than min wage.

having to list the home office in one of those lists of modern slavery companies will bite the new PM in the bum. At least the back pay will help her start again away from DH/DP

OP says they've lived together for at least 6-7 years, that their rent was affordable before they had kids and she in the last month got UC as a single person despite living with him because 'there's no affordable accommodation'. Presumably she means no affordable accommodation as a single Mum but she said she's paying it all anyway..

So OP is saying UC know very well she's living as a couple but UC took pity on her and committed benefit fraud by letting her claim as a single person because he wasn't giving her any money.

And she's paying all rent and bills on DLA and UC.

Thought so.
Thanks for the confirmation.

It's really nice of the dwp to let him off the hook.

😆

The problem is the ranting though @13MAPARTHELL You need to find a way of accepting your lot in life. You are choosing this. So you need to find peace with it or that anger and resentment will eat away at you and it is not healthy or sustainable to live like that.
So my advice is, big girl pants on, head down and keep going. Expect nothing from him (bar him helping at bedtime) and you won't be disappointed. Don't ask him for anything so the response won't upset or anger you. Don't show him any emotion because thats just more negative energy around the children. Just crack on.

You need to find peace and acceptance with your decision to stay. You know what to expect and what you are dealing with. Thats half the battle.

The Home Office has a Carers Policy, a Carers Network, and a Trade Union. So why are you taking unpaid leave to look after children?

Job’s in the Home Office are paid a decent wage. The role you describe is around £30k .. so your partner is earning very well.

If he’s earning so much, pack your role in (your unpaid as it is), and do the admin, whilst he goes out up earn .. he’ll probably be much more sucessful with someone with some Buisness acumen in charge.

That said, he’s cheated, and you don’t seem to like him very much

If that was her opening post people would be questioning how her apparently learning disabled DP who can't do anything has managed to set up several businesses which allegedly failed but then is self-employed but not, he's sub-contracted and never takes a day off but literally can't send an email but earns 3x what she was earning in the public sector and had an accountant but can't apply for a job even though he has one or arrange a takeaway delivery.

While OP is posting on MN pissed, then claiming she's worked full-time till a month ago in a very important job for the home office and was thriving but also wasn't as was WFH with 2 Autistic DC and lying to her employees. The DC who were in full time nursery/school aged 4 and 5 till a month ago to support OPs thriving career but now can't be so she's taken a sabbatical.

And OP is so fiscally responsible she's set up ISAs and saving accounts for the DC at birth and life insurance but now claiming UC as a single mother despite living with DP who never takes a day off work, and earns varying degrees of money according to OP but doesn't give her any so the lovely people at UC let her claim as a single Mother and so she's paying all the rent and bills from DLA and UC because the benefit system has let him off.

It's lovely.

But they should stop telling all those Mums they'll be convicted of benefit fraud for not declaring they're living with a DP.

Just tell DWP he's earning loads but not giving you any money and you'll get all the single benefits anyway!

That's how it works apparently.

So he can’t make doctors appointments etc. but can manage sexting?

Not if he dosent know how to use email

He sounds awful and you have a lot on your plate . Sounds like you would be better off leaving and co parenting .

"Just over £2000 a month" is about £25,000 a year. Not exactly a high earner.

I'm intrigued how then OP works for the home office but earns nothing
or does she work FROM her home office
maybe only fans isn't as lucrative as it used to be

You said he was your husband in the thread title, so no need to go off on people for calling him that.

Thanks.

I don't know why I was doubtful really because I was in town last week and as I was passing the jobcentre the staff were stood outside handing out £50 notes to anybody who happened to be passing.

It's part of the 'give something back' scheme they are currently running, apparently.
Unfortunately they only do it for an hour a day (5 days a week) so I was too late that day but one of the staff took pity on me and assured that if I returned the next day he'd give me not one but 2 notes!!

The downside is that it's only £50 each per passerby but there's nothing to say you can't do this 5 days a week.

DWP 😍

I can see you are in the situation from hell. It has all crept up on you slowly but surely, one spark of tinder at a time. There is nothing I can say to help. All I can do is send a little bit of understanding and sympathy. Hopefully someone will see your call for help and point you towards a calmer life.

“He’a not abusive and earns a lot”.

The bar, is truly, in Hades.

Why does she need to take on all the emotional labour of making a low paid, debt-ridden, useless cheating man “better”?

Why is this burden always placed on women?

He has been useless from day 1 and unfortunately OP was stupid enough the procreate with him. Why should she double down on that mistake and teach her children that this is acceptable partner / father material?

I am so confused as to your finances, he earns 2k a month, which is triple what you earn.

You work full time but only take home £660 a month, that literally makes no sense even my TA friends who are pro rata take home at least £1000 a month.

Are you on apprentice wages or something I don't get it.