To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

Don't be comforted by the age difference. Plenty of 60yr old men think women 30 years younger are very attracted to them and interpret kindness as a come on. Be ready. I'd reply saying thanks for the film recommendation and you and DP are planning to see it next week.

No, I know he hasn’t sent me a dick pic or anything. It just feels uncomfortable. I thought he was a genuinely nice man who wouldn’t even consider trying anything, however mildly, with a woman the same age as his daughters.

It’s his age. It’s creepy.

Thank you. It’s very disappointing.

I replied asking if the message was for me, and he replied saying yes, but it went sent after several pints. I haven’t replied and I’m not going to.

You are really over reacting here. Please don't uninvite him or tell other people in your walking group how you feel about him sending you a film recommendation you sound extremely full of yourself there is nothing in that message flirty at all. Maybe a bit random to have text you of you don't text but you had invited him to a get together so he was obviously being friendly. Some people are really weird

This is hilarious.
Why would he have no interacted socially in the last 20?? year? He was part of the walking club until 5 years ago so was presumably interacting socially then.
The fact you don't know what an emoji is and haven't socialised since your 40s is definately a you thing not an age thing

I’m genuinely not trying to be rude but is there any chance he doesn’t know you have a partner and thinks you’re older than you are?

He might not know you’re 30 and assume he’s flirting with a 45 year old or something.

I can pretend to be falsely modest but I know that when a man texts me out of the blue late at night, when we never exchange messages, about something I have no interest in with a wink, it is because he is seeing whether I would be interested in shagging him at some point.

Sometimes that is fine, because I have fancied them and flirted with them, and gave encouraging signs.

And sometimes it’s just a pervy old(er) man thinking he’s got a chance with a woman half his age, which he has not.

I would like to think I don’t look 15 years older!
he knows how old I am, I’m the same age as his daughters.

But we don’t even know if it was creepy. At his age he may not even understand that someone can read more into an emoji.

I feel bad for him, he took his shot (maybe) and was unsuccessful, now just move on

60 year olds know what winks are, and they shouldn’t be taking any sort of shot with women half their age.

I know exactly what you mean. I’m the same age. When this happens it’s like a combination of shock and mingled disgust and disappointment that a man that is way past old enough to know better is trying it on. And then I over analyze my every word, gesture, and expression to see if it was somehow my fault even though I know it wasn’t and he was just being delusional. It’s just such an uncomfortable and, well, icky feeling. Especially when they have children your age (or older! 😩).

Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head - it’s icky. There are always the pervs but it’s such a shame when it’s one of the ones you considered a decent man.

Odd that at times I get lonely but I do not start sending random texts to young men about films

He was being creepy he was flirting and you have given no indication that you are interested in him

Dont worry about his feelings as he certainly not concerned about yours and if you do not feel comfortable tell him that due to his over stepping boundaries you would rather he skipped the drinks at yours

Thank you. I’m so annoyed that he’s made it uncomfortable just before an event in my own
home.

I agree with this

I’m so pleased more and more woman are not excusing men any more because they might be lonely, don’t understand boundaries, read the signals wrong

Women rarely get so confused

You are aware that there are lots of age gap relationships?

He could have sent the same text to a few people if he really enjoyed the movie.
I would not consider a wink emoji as flirting, more of a you are welcome for the movie recommendation.

It's a bit off for me. DH and I are middle 60s and some of the others in our run club are from age mid 20s upwards. Can't think of a u reason either of us would randomly text a club member. One of them actually invited us to their housewarming party recently and the age gap was v obvious and a bit awkward tbh. We went to be polite but the age gap made conversation strained after a little while

I would invite him over with the group and tell him that he is not welcome to text you outside of the group. He’ll either apologise or make an excuse, either way he’ll get the message.

I think it’s a bit flirty OP, with this guy just trying to start a conversation. It’s thankfully not too much of a come on and I would tolerate him in a group setting this upcoming visit but I wouldn’t invite him again. Maybe I would do smaller catch ups or everyone to meet at a cafe so it’s easier to come and go.

A few years ago my MIL’s partner would occasionally message me and I always felt a little uncomfortable. There was no reason for him to contact me privately. These days, I don’t see him anymore, let alone get messages.

OP - I'm wondering does he know that he's been invited as part of a group and not that you individually just invited him ?

I think you are over reacting a little. If it was an attempt to flirt (and you could be right) it was a mild one. And he seems to have got the message if there have been no further texts?

Not everyone is repulsed by age gap relationships - perhaps he has dated younger women before and genuinely thought he stood a chance? Either way, he has respected your lack of response, and isn't pursuing it.

As this will be a group event it's fine to have him over.

You mention your partner's reaction, and I wonder, is he pressuring you to disinvte the guy? I have had exes who would have reacted badly to this - and ultimately it was the exes who were the problem - they behaved as if I was their territory that another male or the species was trying to invade. Not nice.

You are an intelligent adult, in a commited relationship - your partner should trust that you will politely rebuf any attempts at flirtation without need for drastic actions such as uninviting the guy.