To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

As in I have a spare ticket to the match tomorrow but don't tell Billy because he's been going on about me giving it to him. And he always gets drunk before the game.

Or

There's a small gig by that band you like, I can get you in but don't tell everyone

Or

Don't tell your teacher you weren't ill when your mum and I let you stay home the last day of term

Those harmless secrets that protect you/others being upset by

Just don't encourage him. I am sure he has eyes for you but that's his problem.

I definitely will not be. It makes me feel a bit repulsed.

Oh give over. Repulsed?!

Repulsed by the idea of encouraging a 60 year old man who’s twice my age? Would you not be repulsed at the thought of encouraging a man twice your age??

Oh I thought you meant repulsed by the text. He’s made an idiot of himself. I’m sure he’ll be sheepish and maybe even send his excuses.

It is not a fake post. Get a grip.

I hope so! I haven’t mentioned the drinks again so maybe he’ll just not turn up.

quick reply as I have to go and have read half the thread. But 60 ish year old FIL sends all sorts of random emojis sometimes, not sure why and he wouldn't have a clue what they mean or really care. I guess, emojis like texts can be so easily mistaken - there is no context etc. Unless you are from the same age and sub culture they can mean different things or nothing. don't overthink it

Yes a man in his 60s making a move on a woman in her 30s is pretty grim.

Today I came across a couple...he mid 80s...her late 50s (they told me). Fucking grim he looked like her grandad

I guess so, but would you FIL randomly text a 30 year old woman? I have just got a gut feeling about it, but you’re right. It’s disappointing but not a huge deal.

I wonder if it was supposed to be the Cyclops!

My ex FIL probably would have. He wasn’t intentionally dodgy, just clueless.

Trust your gut! If you dont feel comfortable, then dont do it. Being polite to someone who has acted questionably, at the expense of your own comfort is what us older generation of women had ingrained in us. And, I am so glad younger generations are learning to fuck that shit! It's what I am trying to instil into my daughter and what I am becoming better at myself (although menopause is helping there 🤣).

I was about to say what @LankylegsFromOz just said!

’Dear x, your message the other night made me uncomfortable and I would rather you did not come to drinks on Sunday after all.’

If: ‘I’m so sorry, I see it was out of place, I did not mean to upset you and of course I won’t come.’
Then: ‘Thank you for understanding.’

If: ‘I’m so sorry, I was just being friendly and didn’t mean to upset you, may I still come?’
Then: ‘No, please do not come to drinks.’

Do you text 30 year old men at night telling them about the latest movie you’ve seen?

Quite right. I have no idea what they all mean and if someone sends me an emoji I can't normally see the detail to know which one it is! I stick to thumbs up, laugh hysterically and occasionally heart. My adult son moans about his father's use of emojis, apparently my ex frequently uses an aubergine. Now, even I know that would be highly unsuitable to send to your child. Just why!!

But would you really not realise it’s inappropriate to randomly text a man your son’s age, completely out of the blue after you’d been drinking, and include the winking emoji?

Thank you! Of course, I’ll worry that this is over the top and that I’ll be judged if he tells people. Argh. He can’t seriously have ever thought I would entertain anything with him, no idea why he’s sent it.

So funny. I am #teambrenda as could easily do this myself , but the council reply was so polite.

I think it is odd in that there has never been any other real communication on random topics ( you mentioned literally 2). But he wasnt inappropriate or out of order (eg not a dick pic, not sexual or racist language). So yes I wouldnt like that, but if he had been a woman of the same age, would you have minded so much? Ignore the emoji. It is a nightmare choosing the right one 🧐 this is apparently care. Looks like a ball with a monocle 🤗 this is hug.

The wink wasn’t a mistake - it was the result of him texting me after drinking.

I just don’t think a woman would do it. I can’t imagine a 60 year old woman having a drink and deciding to text me about a topic I have never expressed any interest in. It just wouldn’t happen.

Even if he is interested, you're not. He mentioned the Odyssey, not Emanuelle. No need to uninvite him but if if he makes further overtures, then you let him clearly know it's not welcome.

Even if it was flirty, why uninvite him. He might have been interested, expressed that, and you’ve reacted in a way to show you aren’t interested…that’s the end of it.

If he were to act weird or pushy etc then yeah you should disinvite him, but for now he just sent a wink emoji