To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

I graduated from an American high school in 2004. My friends and I used to argue about who was hotter, Viggo Mortensen or Alan Rickman. 2004 was the year Viggo turned 45 and Alan turned 58. My best friend and I used to argue like crazy because she was a die-hard Rickman fan (pun intended), and I thought Jeremy Irons was not only sexier-looking, but had the sexier voice.

Fair enough. I'm in my 40s so my first exposure to emojis would have been the early days of MSN messenger, when it was all just text. A ;) just meant funny, but not funny enough to be a :D back then, so more of a LOL than a ROFL.

I've obviously just not moved on with the times.

I've just stopped myself from sending a winky emoji to a 24 year old female colleague. I'm going to have to fix this habit before I become the subject of a thread on Mumsnet!

No, his wife died last year.

As a woman in her 40s would you send a message after a drink late on an evening to a 20 year old you rarely speak to with a winky face? It is different.

I'm actually a man, but maybe? I work with a bunch of 20-somethings, and messaging outside of work isn't that rare, and as I said I tend to put winky faces on lots of stuff. I probably wouldn't send a message thats completely random out of nowhere like the one this bloke sent to you though.

I wasn't saying that this guy wasn't trying to flirt with you. Maybe he was, maybe not. Just had no idea that the winky emoji was considered flirty at all!

Pervy you say, why would you let him come to your house then?
If a pervy man messaged me, I'd block and not have him in my home.

It's gone from:
OP: innocuous,
It’s disappointing but not a huge deal.
It was clearly to test the waters.
Just seemed strange.
I’m not scared or anything, more disappointed and awkward.
To
It makes me feel a bit repulsed.
And him being a pervy man.

And sometimes it’s just a pervy old(er) man thinking he’s got a chance with a woman half his age, which he has not.

Then ignore and move on.
Younger women do date older men, so some do have a chance whether you like it or not.

Alan Rickman. He was sexy in everything. Viggo Mortensen was sexy in LOTR but creepy a.f. in everything else.

Haven't rtft but as a woman in her sixties who knows a lot of men the same age, I think your partner's 100% right. Defo testing the waters and trying to get something going.

I think it’s definitely good that you are no longer sending winky emojis to women in their early 20s, in that case.

Genuine age gap relationships usually involve mutual attraction, which is very clear.

I think older people don’t often use emojis correctly - even people in their 60s - I even sometimes use them in ways that my dc say are wrong and I’m 48!

I think a recommendation to the most recent popular film of the moment is fairly innocuous

So have you uninvited him yet??

I can see my father sending something like this. Not to be pervy or test any waters but because he thinks he's important and sophisticated and that people would appreciate him sharing his opinions, as they would of course respect him so much. Obviously he's a pompous knob and while definitely annoying it would have absolutely nothing to do with flirting. It would go to various people he feels should value his opinion and he would expect them to be pleased about it.

Some people use winking to mean it’s a joke I think?

OP. You're going on and on about one text, which was likely a borderline flirt but might not have been. It's quite odd now - have you never experienced male attention before? He sent you a film recommendation. He sent a wink emoji. He was drunk. Nothing overt, nothing sexual, a single text, nothing more. Are you really this unable to cope? Yes, he's likely a bit of a lonely old fool. What exactly are you bothered about? Just laugh it off at this stage, honestly.

Caroline Aherne ⭐!

Christ you sound insufferable.
And for it’s worth I do more than send texts to men half my age 😉
Now go and enjoy clutching those pearls

Exactly! You're not interested, so there's no relationship to be had, you simply move on.

That's if he'd actually asked you out, which he hasn't.

You’re overreacting a bit. Are you up in arms a bit because you think he must view you as a bit desperate, to appreciate the advances of someone 30 years older?

Just make sure he hears at the gathering that you have a partner, from what you’ve said he doesn’t seem like someone that would make a nuisance of himself. Unlike my 80 year old neighbour who absolutely bloody hounded me (I was 50). And yes, I was offended that he thought I would be interested.

Why has this got to you so badly @Roaring111111? Has it triggered stuff? I know men can be a real disappointment but in the scale of stuff this is quite minor. But it’s really bothered you. No shade intended - just wondering how come? It’s a shame it’s tainted your event at your home as a result. Despite all the heinous stuff men can be guilty of - this is most probably miscommunication & an attempt at jokey chat on his part that backfired spectacularly. Or at worst an attempt to flirt with you. Ok you don’t want that & you’ve really put him right on that. But why is it so offensive to you?

🙄 I’m replying to a thread I started. It is the point of a forum.

So he texted you to see if your response would give any hint that there might be mutual attraction. You did not indicate that there was, and he hasn’t pursued it further.

Not to this question though.

Does anyone know how old the OP is or how old the man is? I don't think she's mentioned it 😅😅😅

I’m a lesbian, couldn’t give a flying shit about men liking me or not. Give your head a wobble.