To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

It’s such a shame when nice men disappoint you. It could not be any clearer that I wouldn’t have been remotely interested.

That is a bit odd! I would think the same @Roaring111111 that he’d accidentally sent you a reply to someone saying ‘is the Odyssey worth watching?’ I think he was trying to nudge a door open. I’d go with a pp response saying your partner will be glad to hear the recommendation and you’ll be going to see it with him soon.

At the risk of being accused of being ageist:
Older people are often terrible at using emoji’s, I usually ignore emojis that anyone over 50 uses…

AGAIN, yes I said often, doesn’t mean always. All older people on MN are fabolous users of emojis and well versed of all of them and what they mean!!

I replied saying ‘was that meant for me?’ and he replied saying yes, but it was after a few drinks. I haven’t replied again and I’m not going to - I don’t want him to think it’s a green light to send more.

What does 'unless it was in line with a 'keep it quite ' type of way' mean?!

Weird!

FGS . The man is in his 60s, bereaved. Probably hasn’t interacted socially since before the internet and has no idea about emojis. Even I at 64 have to ask my kids.! Please be kind. Not Everyman is a predator!. If I had died and DH was beginning to come out from his shell and making the effort to explore hobbies and friendships, I would want people to be kind above all else .

PPs saying it might not be the emoji he meant has reminded of this

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/north-tyneside-woman-accidentally-gives-18056500

You think he hasn’t socially interacted since he was a teenager?! Of course he has, he’s in his 60s, he’s not a Victorian.

You would want your husband to choose to message a woman half his age instead of any of his friends his own age, for whom exchanging messages about films might be normal?

You invited him for group drinks knowing his age, so why would the age gap stop him messaging you? Maybe have your partner there or mention him in a message ie I'm going to see that with my partner, if you want to put him off. Could you relocate the meetup to a pub, if you don't want him at your house. You could uninvite him obviously but it seems a bit mean, if you are bothered about that?

We only ever socialise in a group. There are a few older men there and I would think it was absolutely exceptionally odd if any of them messaged me out of the blue about a random topic with a winky face.

If the man had messaged saying ‘can I bring anything to the drinks?’ or ‘here’s a link to a great new walking trail’ I wouldn’t have batted an eye.

If my DP got drunk and messaged a woman half his age about something random and included a winky face, I really wouldn’t be happy.

I definitely can’t relocate. I won’t uninvite him, but it has made me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

It's your home and you have every right to uninvite him if you feel uncomfortable.
You should always be entitled to refuse to let someone into your home if you dont want them.there.

Fair enough for an 80 something, but the internet and text messages were around in the 1990s when this man in his 60s would have been in his 30s. I don't think a 60 something bloke would be unable to operate whatsapp.

I'd just reply, "Yes, my boyfriend and I thought it was good".

Well, you don’t have to host anyone you don’t want to but I think you’re overreacting a bit tbh.

I’d leave him on the guest list but either a) get my partner to come and/or b) just don’t be alone with him.

My partner definitely won’t come. I won’t be alone with him - there’ll be plenty of people. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable. I feel a bit disappointed in him.

I don't think you can uninvite him but you'll be fine. There will be plenty of other people there who, as the host, you'll need to talk to. So if he tries to collar you, you can look over his shoulder and say 'Sorry, I just have to get Jane a drink" and leave him. He's probably really embarrassed anyway.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. You can’t uninvite him on the basis he sent you a film recommendation with a winking emoji.

If he was embarrassed he’d surely have played along with that it was meant for someone else? That’s what I’d have done.

I’m not scared or anything, more disappointed and awkward.

He sent you a film recommendation, not a picture of his pink oboe for crying out loud!

Why send me, who’s never expressed any interest in films, or discussed this with him, a message about that? And then follow it up by explaining he’d had a drink? It was clearly to test the waters.

Wink doesn't necessarily mean sexual to a lot of people. Think about how smiley face/thumbs up mean very different things to different people. It could even be related to the film, if it's I, Robot etc.
To clear your mind, talk a lot about your partner if you like, making it clear you're not interested in more than friends.

Thank you. I know the point you’re making but I really don’t think I should have to do that to make it clear I am not interested in 60 year old men. I just don’t understand why he did it.

What is wrong with a man 'testing the waters"? Surely it's only an issue if a man won't take no for an answer or behaves in an aggressive or intimidating manner.

He is 60 and I am 30. It is extremely weird. I couldn’t imagine a 60 year old woman testing any waters with a 30 year old man.