To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

It doesn’t sound flirty to me.

Will your partner be at this occasion? Does he know you have a partner? Widowhood can make people do odd things (from personal experience!). I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now, probably means a lot for him to attend social occasions. Obviously you can make it clear you are not interested and have a partner if he decides to try anything else. Doesn't sound like he said anything really inappropriate.

It's just a film recommendation, of course you can't rudely uninvite him.

He’s probably lonely, and as he said himself, he’d had a few drinks. You will be safe when he comes round to yours because there will be plenty of other people there. Just make sure you’re not left on your own with him, and make a point of introducing DP so there is no room for misunderstanding.

Okay, well that’s good. It was the late hour and the winking emoji, and also it’s just so strange for him to message me.

What was the movie? That might put it into context

My DP won’t be there.

I’m not sure if he knows I’m with DP, I assume so though. He definitely knows I’m 30 years younger than him.

Indeed.

Debbie does Gallas - probably trying to flirt.

The Seven Samurai - probably not.

The Odyssey. We have never discussed films, or Greek myths, or anything remotely relevant. It was entirely without context. We have never exchanged messages other than the one where I invited him for drinks, and years ago confirming a walking route.

What was the film as that might have some bearing on my thoughts. ‘The Odessey’ wouldn’t be a concern. ‘Nine and a half weeks” and I’d definitely be concerned 😂 Thing is with emojis not everyone puts as much thought into their potential meaning and as they’re small she doesn’t always notice the expressions!

Crossed posts!!! The amount of people who have asked me if I’ve seen that recently and I’m not particularly known for my interest in films. I think it’s just a conversation piece and he was lonely and maybe wanted someone to discuss it with?

I’m sure he would realise he’s sending a winking face to someone 30 years younger than him though? Just seemed strange.

I mean one of my older neighbours accidentally included the crying laughing face in a message to a bereaved neighbour on the street WhatsApp as she wasn't wearing her glasses

Sure, but he’s picked up the phone to message me late at night after a drink. If he’d replied to a message about a walking route and hit it then it would be a clear accident, but this wasn’t.

Long as it wasn't a porno you will be fine op.

I think you are overthinking this - The Odyssey is definitely not a romantic film - lots of blood and gore.

What did he say in the message?

I can't imagine how it would work.

“Hey, you should go and see the Odyssey.”

Yes, it was definitely a first attempt at flirting. He was trying to get your attention and to get a conversation going, and the winking emoji is another clue. I wouldn't univite him as it sounds like you have successfully put him off, but any other unwanted and random messages and he'd be out! The age means nothing, in my experience older men tend to think that younger women will be interested in them.

It sounds like you wouldn't be alone with him as you have invited a number of people to this event, of various ages 20-80, despite you being 30.

Presumably you have been in his company in a group setting before at your activity group. What would be different this time?

Is there something else that he has done to make you view his messaging you with suspicion?

It’s absolutely flirty. He’s thought of a random reason to talk to you (while drunk).

I’d reply with ‘oh yeah my partner was saying he really wants to see the Odyssey, good suggestion for our next date night, thanks’.

But op don't you know every woman is after him, he's a catch! I'm a bloke and almost 30 years older than you and wouldn't think of sending a winky emoji to a woman I barely knew unless it was in line with a 'keep it quite ' type of way

Is it not unusual that a 60 year old man would message a 30 year old woman when he was feeling lonely, instead of one of his closer friends or family? It feels off.

’I’ve seen the Odyssey. I had the best seat in the house. It’s a yes from me 😉.’

I honestly thought he’d messaged the wrong person.

That is what my gut is telling me too and now it feels uncomfortable.

No, nothing. He has always been a perfectly pleasant and nice man. Never any pervy vibes or anything like that. It just felt off and now it feels awkward that he’s coming to my house.