To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

You are massively overreacting. He told
you he'd seen a film, not asked you to an orgy

I think you want support in your decision to uninvite him.

It doesn’t seem like you’re getting a consensus here so why not just do what you want.

If you do this you will look ridiculous.

Not particularly, I’ll still feel awkward.

You know when a man is trying it though, don’t you?

This is what DP thinks too but, as seen on this thread, people will then say I’m over the top. I hope when I’m 60 I’m able to resist texting 30 year old men.

He was emboldened to text after drinking.

What isn’t as clear is whether this was an (inappropriate) attempt to flirt/ trying it on, or an attempt at friendship. As it’s a social/hobby group the latter is acceptable regardless of age. People make friends with or chat to people of different ages in these situations especially when the hobby is the thing in common.

If it was flirting then that puts a different light on it and it’s understandable you feel uncomfortable. I do know a guy who uses a winking emoji all the time with everyone it just seems to be his thing and he is definitely not flirting. If this guy is trying it on then you’ll be very ready with firm responses if it happens again.

Hard to know after just one incident and about a random film. (Does he know you have a partner?) It’s your house though and you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable. It sounds like you’re now going to be uncomfortable either way so I would go with what ever you think is the least worst option for you.

Yes, but he sounds easily rebuffed then all over. Not a big drama

I wouldn't uninvite him or send any text explaining how you feel. Not responding to his explanation should be enough for him to know you aren't interested in him in anyway. And more contact from you, regardless of what you say, might give him hope. Stupid men think stupid things. If it was a drunk, inept attempt to flirt with you he might now be too embarrassed to go to your barbecue. Hopefully.

If he does show up just greet him cordially but with a steely look in your eye and guide him towards your other guests who are nearer his age. If he becomes a pest, tell him it is a shame your partner couldn't be here as he would've have loved to have met him because he really misses his granddad. 😁

Not if it was a random in a pub, but creepy as when he’s 60 years old and coming to my house on Sunday.

I’m 34 and I’m just trying to consider how I’d feel if I’d received this from a 64 year old man from my hobby group.

I agree I’d initially be a bit perplexed too, but then I’d make like Elsa and let it go.

OP, gently, I do think you’re overthinking this slightly. You’ve said this is “strange”, “off”, “weird”, “creepy”, “pervy”, “icky” and that you’re “disappointed” and “repulsed” by this. This is such a visceral reaction to what looks like a drunken, misplaced text about a film thats only real offence seems to be an unexplained winky face.

Before the feminists decry me, I’m not saying ignore your instincts but I am saying don’t pour gasoline on them.

Maybe he was testing the waters, maybe he wasn’t.

I would not uninvite him from a group gathering and might actually take the opportunity to say “oh my goodness, you really confused me with that text the other night!” And see the vibes - probably a bit embarrassed and I doubt it’ll happen again.

Unrelated but Brad Pitt is 63 and he could text me about The Odyssey.

I had to deal with inappropriate behaviour and comments from a far older man at work, people think that older men don’t have libido or suddenly stop bringing sexual when they get to their fifties but it’s not the case.
why would he choose a thirty year old woman a message seemingly innocuous with wink emojis ‘after a few drinks’ ? Why do younger men send women messages after a few drinks?
feel free to uninvite him if it makes you feel uncomfortable or the potential to feel uncomfortable in your own home.
or you can keep the invitation open test it out and see if he keeps up the uninvited contact.
i know what id do

Would you have the 64 year old round to your home a few days later?

I expect dodgy messages from perverts. Not from men who, until this point, had seemed like a very nice man who I had liked and respected.

Brad Pitt is a domestic abuser so I would give that a miss.

His text really does sound like it was intended for someone else despite him saying it was intended for you. I wonder if he has more than one of your name in his contacts and he got mixed up. 🤔

That said, I've been alive long enough to have been grimly pursued by men old enough to be my father, and even grandfather at times, but the message just doesn't give me that vibe.

If it was an attempt to test the waters it was incredibly indirect imo, but I didn't receive the text, and it's clearly made you feel uncomfortable.

It's your home, and if want to take back the invite back, that's what you should do.

I really thought it must be for someone else. I don’t know why he didn’t pretend it was once he’d sobered up.

it is sad and very annoying

why should he op put aside her feelings so this man doesn't feel uncomfortable
ffs its 2026 and some are still telling women to do this, I hope those that are do not have daughters

Doesn't sound flirty to me.

He’s in his 60s, when he learnt to date it was perfectly accepted for an older man to come on to someone half their age. Frankly I’d much rather receive a respectful civil approach from a much older man that can be easily dealt with politely, rather than a a dick pic and a bunch of crude messages from a man 30 years younger, which is what often happens to women in their 60s on social media. You’re over-reacting.

I don’t think that’s the choice though. 60 year old men can respectfully approach women of their own age, as can younger men.

You did actually send a man twice your age an invite to a drinks party (out of the blue), he may have misinterpreted your intentions and taken it more as a personal invite rather than an invite just as part of the group. And I would definitely mention your DP when you talk to him and make sure he realises the whole group were invited.

He's hardly going to go from a random winky message to jumping you in your home

He knows the whole group were invited.

Does that mean that any invitation sent is out of the blue? Not one of the rest of them have taken it as a green light for more.

but you must feel sorry for him Roaring111111

see men just can't help but put their feelings first, they shouldn't have to think about how others might feel. Really you should do the same and stop being a silly little woman who doesn't know her place

The message from some is coming over very loud and clear

I have male colleague with a similar age difference, so not much older than my eldest son. I never so much as put a small x a wink or anything at all that could be ambiguous in any way.
Men consistently mislead themselves if they think a woman might just be interested. As an example my early twenties son was asked by a male colleague if " x (female colleague) might fancy him as she (wait for it) smiled at him" my son (os gay) replied flatly " she smiles at me everyday!, so no I wouldn't read to much into it!
Practise your resting bitch face OP ! I'm with your DP on this one ( he's a man, so definitely worth listening to!)

Suxty year old do tend to know what a winking emoji means fgs

@Healthyalltheway "But 60 ish year old FIL sends all sorts of random emojis sometimes"

Does he send them to 30 year old women that he barely knows though?