To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

I don’t think there are a lot of age gap relationships of 30 years which begin at 30 and 60 when one has given absolutely no indication whatsoever that they’re remotely interested in the other.

He was flirting. No one watches a film, gets pissed, and then texts several people who aren’t interested in films and with whom he has never had a proper text conversation.

You took the time to send him a special invite to the drinks. He's unaware you've got a partner, and now he's trying his luck, it's what people do.
Yes the age gap makes it a bit cringe, but stranger things have happened, and at this point he's done nothing wrong.
Make sure he knows at the earliest natural opportunity that you're unavailable. If after that he continues you move into creep territory.

Yes! Most definitely. I text to say I was having people from the club round and he was welcome.

No, no worries about my partner. He couldn’t care less, zero pressure whatsoever.

I would say it tends to be older men who aren’t repulsed by age gap relationships.

It is weird OP and he was definitely chancing his arm. A large majority of men seem to think they've still got it, regardless of reality.

Is getting a text to say I’m having the walking club over for drinks a special invitation?

It’s not what people do. How many 60 year old women try their luck with 30 year old men? It’s what certain men do.

Few messages regarding him being a widower, and thus maybe socially in a spin but I don’t see that OP has said that.

Talk about overthinking

Can people please stop telling OP she's over-reacting, to shove her feeling aside and endure being uncomfortable in her own home for a few hours, just to spare some random old bloke's feelings!

And if she is over-reacting (she's not) then so what?! We shouldn't be encouraging a woman to ignore her instincts, regardless.

OP, there has been one or two suggestions on how to politely rescind the invite, I suggest you go with one of those.

Or you could just tell him to fuck off, up to you 😀

Just message him and say he’s uninvited then!!!

Come on OP. Get a grip. The man was clearly putting out feelers to see if you’re interested in going to see a film with him. You’re not. You’re both adults and yes he’s older than you but God loves a Tryer and all that. Stop acting like he’s a serial rapist.

I would’ve replied something along the lines of “film not really my thing but my partner <name> went to see it and said it was good so enjoy!” Skilfully and politely deflected, no feelings hurt and he will get the message loud and clear.

Sad to see people.telling a woman to ignore her instincts .

You’re not into him which is fine and totally understandable but he’s done nothing wrong at this point. If he was to persist when he knows you’re not interested then that’s different.

Yep, it sounds to me like he’s testing the waters. Creep. I hope he decides not to show his face. He’s overstepped. Is there a way you can somehow uninvited him? It would make me feel uncomfortable too and I wouldn’t want him in my home.

surely Dad not grandad

Text him back again this morning.

Hey Steve,

You confused me last night because none of my friends or family text me that late at night. You were lucky I saw it as my phone is usually on silent.

I have/haven't seen The Odyssey, but my partner has and he/she (if you want to confuse him too) quite enjoyed it. Hopefully you can meet him/her when you come over with the walking group.

Jane

*He doesn't need to know in advance that your partner won't be there, but you've let him know you're not waiting for his social advances and that late texts aren't really appreciated.

I'd say you've called it correctly.

I've had plenty of 'tryers' in my life. Men I've had do quotes or work for me in the house who then think because I'm a single mum, I'd welcome their attention. They send random messages or start ending messages with " xx". They definitely don't do that to men!

I think it's that unpleasant situation where there's too much deniability. As your thread has shown, plenty of people would say you're totally overreacting if you uninvite him.

I would keep out of his way and make sure your partner knows who he is.

No mid 80s he looked dreadful, she looked good as these days people can when they are in their 50s

Are you aware that most women wouldn't look twice at a man double their age? Do you think women must be comfortable with much, much older men making a pass at them just because some age gap relationships exist?

OP, you're perfectly reasonable for being wary now, I dont know why some people act like a man's dick drops off at 60 and he suddenly becomes a cuddly teddy bear. I cant say if he was flirting or not, but its very possible that he was, and yes, its grim.

God can love whichever pervy older men he wants, it doesn't mean women have to. If you're going to come on to women half your age, expect for many of them to be repulsed.

Thanks to everyone who’s been supportive. I’m not going to use my DP as a shield - it’s creepy regardless of whether I’m single or not.

I’ll be judged if I uninvited him and uncomfortable if I don’t, all because a 60 year old man reckons a 30 year old might want to shag them.

You feel strongly about this, so uninvite him. Will you feel comfortable seeing him at group club activities moving forwards?

I disagreed, mid 80s and late 50s implies a 26-28 year age gap.

Highly unusual to become a GP in your twenties, or thirties, or even forties these days.

much more likely to be in your 50, 60s or 70s. 63 is the average age in the UK at which someone becomes a GP.

Ugh, why do men have to be so creepy? I would uninvite him, let other people think what they want about it but you should listen to your instincts