To want to uninvite this man?

[Roaring111111]

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s.

One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back.

I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted.

Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks.

It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

So why the faux suprise instead of telling him you're not interested?

A 30 year old who is surprised an older man made a supposed move.
Grow up.

@Roaring111111 did he gave any friendly chat or attempt at banter with you in reply to your invitation to come to your home? How did you phrase that & how did he reply?

I just said ‘Hi Mike, I’m having a few people over from [club] for a few drinks on Sunday 16th afternoon. If you’re free and would like to come along you’re very welcome’. He replied not long later saying ‘That would be great’. And I said ‘great! My address is.. any time from 1pm.’

And then several days later past 1am I got that other text. Nothing in between.

I don’t know what your problem is but I think there is little point in us continuing to engage.

It is a surprise, and a disappointment, it’s a man you’d thought of as one of the good ones. I don’t know why you’re so passionate about defending old(er) men’s right to make younger women feel uncomfortable, but that is your issue to work through.

Yes, he was flirting with you. And yes, he is socially “allowed” to send one mildly flirty text to an adult woman he’s attracted to in an attempt to test the waters and see how she responds. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like he doesn’t know you have a partner?

Being attracted to you and sending one mildly flirty text after he’d had a few drinks doesn’t mean he’s “not really a nice man after all.” You’re repulsed by the age difference, but some women wouldn’t be. His text wasn’t explicitly sexual or gross. You’re just not interested, which is fine, and if he’s a decent person, he’ll get the hint if you don’t pay him any special attention and maybe mention your partner a couple of times. So far, he’s done nothing to indicate that he’s not a decent person.

On that note, is that emoji always crying with laughter, and never just crying sadly but heavily (I also may have used it deeply inappropriately on occasion if so)? 😱😱😱😱

OK, this looks familiar - I've seen similar sorts of things from older people, including my own mother, on messages or even on random Facebook groups. I have known the same comment along those lines sent to multiple people - as if they think it's a conversation starter at a party or something. I think they're sometimes just a bit confused about the social etiquette around social media, messaging and modern communication methods in general. I wouldn't uninvite him on this basis alone, as mentioned you will certainly be safe as you'll be in a large group, but just keep an eye out for any further attempts to initiate a closer relationship. Should that happen I would just ignore every message.

I just don’t think nice men do send mildly flirty texts to women half their age. It’s even worse as I know his daughters and knew his wife.

Definitely always crying with laughter! The big smile is the giveaway

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread with 78 replies from the OP each more hysterical than the other. I worry about her fragility. Could we club together to buy her some smelling salts or something?

It really depends on the film doesn't it OP? Don't drip feed.

Was he recommending something like Oppenheimer or Caligula?

No problem, I'm capable of saying no thanks to any interest from any man I'm not interested in.

He hasn't pestered you, first such contact in 5 years of knowing him, yet your response is to make him out to be a bad person.

He didn't even actually ask you out, but if you feel soo strongly about him, what not cancel and be done with it.

I have a feeling his family may see your reaction as more of a problem.

Quite! Someone does protest much!

I would let that one go and see if anything else happens.

It does also happen the other way round OP. My husband is 62, very good looking and sometimes gets hit on by much younger women, even in their 20s/30s telling him he's a 'sexy silver fox' etc, even in my company. I think it's funny and quite flattering for him.

That message is so random, I expect he wanted to share that he had enjoyed a great film rather than flirting. He probably sent it to a few people and being a bit drunk, maybe not wearing needed glasses, hit the wrong emoji. I wouldn’t read too much into it or uninvite him unless he sends or does anything else.
Have a nice time at your group get together.

OP seems to have been living under a rock, where older men shouldn't dare ask out younger women. (Even though he didn't actually ask her out).

Imagine if OP found out about Joan Collins and her husband 😅.

He’s made an absolute fool of himself. Be polite but distant. On account should you disinvite him. That’s completely over the top.

Can you tell me how his family will know how I’m reacting? Do you think he’s told them about the message, or do you think he’ll try and hide that?

Nice bit of misogyny here.

If anything else remotely happened I would be absolutely distancing myself.

‘You must like receiving texts from pervy men twice your age that make you feel uncomfortable’. Lovely stuff.

OK. This thread has horrified me slightly so I just need to clarify something.

Is the wink emoji some universally known signal for flirting or something that's just completely passed me by?

Because if so, I've probably confused a lot of people over the last 20 years. It's by far my most used emoji, and I use it all the bloody time, with everyone. DP, DD, aunts, my brother, friends, my SIL. I've basically just been using it as punctuation at the end of a joke?

Christ, I'm becoming the old man who doesn't know that LOL means laugh out loud aren't I? I even still tend to use ;) rather than😉because I'm not into all these newfangled emojis!

His wife has been dead for at least a few years now, right?

I get that you find this uncomfortable. That’s fine. But your discomfort doesn’t mean he’s done anything inappropriate or morally wrong. You’ve been an adult for a long time now, and even if it’s a long shot, you fall into the demographic category of women who might, possibly, be interested in him. (And I suspect he knows it was a long shot, which is why he mentioned afterwards that he texted you after a few drinks.) His sending you this text is not some kind of predatory behavior.

I'm sure they know you well enough to figure it out! But your use seems a bit random as winky face implies irony.
So I would take "Sam loved the lunch you made him" 😉 as ironic
And "I've got a surprise for you" 😉 as flirty

I assume anyone more than 10 years older or younger than me is using emoji differently from how I'd do it anyway.

And frankly all bets are off over a certain age