AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Ha, that's okay, I'm just so intrigued about honey as vegans seem to vary in whether they see it as acceptable or not. I'm not vegetarian or vegan, but often eat that way anyway as I enjoy the variation but none of the upf versions. I do generally try to be considerate in my food choices, for example we've our own ducks who are pets and spoilt rotten so we have our own eggs when they choose to lay them.

I do think your parents are being ridiculous.

i have medical restrictions and frequently attend meals where there is little to nothing for me to eat because the hosts are inconsiderate. Your parents do have options.

I do find vegans and vegetarians in general quite hypocritical though. They expect a preference to be catered for, but often don’t cater for other’s preferences. There shouldn’t be a double standard. It is absolutely fine to say your menu is your menu, but you need to accept that when you are the guest. Your philosophical or religious diet is a preference, not a requirement.

Not necessarily. Barbecued potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, aubergines, onion, pineapple (yes) and many other fruit and veg are barbecued in many places. We barbecue meat, fish and veg and I have even barbecued lentil burguers for my vegan niece. It all has that special barbecued taste.

I dont understand why people freak out if there is no meat on the menú, especially for just one day. A hugh part of the world is mainly vegetarian and dont have a drama with it.

The idea that barbecues are only meat is a very limited view.

My in laws are similar. No meat = no meal. And they'd be the same. Their way or the highway.

You're not going to win. And you have to make decisions based on that.

For us, we cook a meat dish with all of the caveats (no tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, etc.etc.etc.) as far as we're able or keep the no-go items on the side for us.

If you tell someone that they are eating a meat burger and intentionally give them a vegan burger that is the definition of food fraud
Also they may not eat the soya or lentils or nuts in the burger due to allergies, intolerances or just dont want to.
So yes your correct feeding a vegan a meat burger would be different from feeding a meat eaters a vegan burger as the meat burger won't make them ill or kill them when the vegan burger could make the meat eater ill or kill them and would kill me.
Hope that helps you understand why what you are advocating is a crime

What an odd comment! A barbecue is a way of cooking food. Any food.

A vegan bbq reads like an oxymoron, to be honest!

That being said, their reasoning is batshit. Nobody needs to worry about lack of nutrients in literally one meal. Far better if they were honest and said plates full of charred vegetables just didn't appeal.

You know not to invite them to bbqs in the future, @veganbbqdrama so at least there's that!

We don’t have honey in any food or any other product.

They’re clearly trying to make a point to let you know loud and clear that they don’t agree with your dietary choices!

I went through a short period of not eating meat (just preference really) and oh my god did my MIL make the biggest song and dance about it. She would cook a roast and then intentionally serve me meat and then gleefully remark how sorry she was and that she’d forgotten I don’t eat meat anymore (in a really passive aggressive tone)

when I started eating meat again she said that’s just as well as she wouldn’t be able to tolerate her son being with a fussy non meat eater

Anyway I’d be blunt and say look, it’s painfully clear to me that you are trying to make a point but stop. You’ve been invited for dinner and (presumably) eat vegetables so just eat your veggie skewer, shut up and be grateful.

May I ask why not? Do you know why some vegans do see honey as fine? I'm honestly not being rude or questioning your choices or anything, I'm genuinely just interested to learn and understand the different ways and choices.

vegan cheesecake

balanced meal

I’ll have some cheesecake in a bowl in my left hand, and some cheesecake in a bowl in my right hand please. That’s what I call a balanced meal.

I have not read the thread but my immediate question to you is "would you expect a vegan to attend a meat/fish only barbeque?" Or, would you expect the host to make allowances for a guest vegan? I know that vegan preferences are usually honoured at these events as hosts want to make sure all their guests needs are met. Should a vegan meet the needs of a non-vegan?

I do eat meat (only chicken regularly; I only have red meat extremely rarely tbh), but my favourite bits at a BBQ are the veggie (albeit dairy!) options! Cheesy baked potatoes done on the BBQ, loads of salad, vegetable skewers, potato salad and coleslaw. Would genuinely prefer that to a burger or bbq sausage.

I was curious about what is served at a vegan BBQ but actually the main bbq sounds good. Had me sold on the mushrooms. Salads sounds fine (can you dress them with salad dressing vinegars etc because I know id def miss my feta cheese lol ??)

Desserts, I'd def try but dont be offended if I don't like them, I am very much a cream cheese, double cream and chocolate kinda girl.

Loooool 😅 nutrition gaps! Your parents are jokers, ask them how they think you're all surviving in your house?

Sounds wonderful and far more interesting than hamburgers and chops! Also very nutritious. Your parents are being ridiculous. They wont suffer any health crisis for one meal without meat. Sounds like those people who wont try any "funny foreign food" or "I dont like it because I,ve never tried it". Good luck and I hope they see sense and change their minds

They can, but they are grandstanding. How very dull of them.

You say you can't have non vegan things in your home but your parents aren't vegan. Then you say they should go without food until they get home. YABVU. Why do you invite them if you don't want to feed them something they will like/eat? I eat meat, DH is vegetarian and we have vegan friends. If we invite vegan friends we serve them vegan food cooked on a purely vegan BBQ. You could get a small disposable BBQ and let him bring food they will enjoy, but you actively choose not to do this, yet invite them expecting them to have nothing to eat until they go home. This is very poor hosting. Also you say you are not trying to ram your own beliefs on them but that is exactly we hat you are doing. Each to their own but allow and respect others their own choices too.

I am so confused by the people saying they don’t know what is on a vegan bbq. Surely you have seen vegan burgers and sausages before

Vegans can survive a non vegan BBQ, they just eat salads and sides.

Interesting thread. The amount of Mumsnetters having to take account of vegan/vegarian/fads on here is legendary. But a meat eater wanting accommodation, nada.

By the way, what’s the actual point of a BBQ without meat, that’s literally the point of it.

I'd decline a vegan bbq invite because based on experience gluten free and vegan is very limited, add in cross contamination issues with a bbq (no I won't eat anything grilled on a bbq that's had seitan sausages on it!) and it's a bit miserable.

You are inviting people for dinner and not making any attempt to serve the food that they like even if they bring it themselves. Yes they could survive one night but you're not being much of a host.

Because we don’t eat any product that comes from an animal - we see honey as being the same as having milk or cheese or eggs etc.

Stop trying to convince them