AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Depends whether it is the hill you want to die on? I think you're all being a bit unreasonable, including your parents. They can survive on vegan food for one evening. As for you, if they bring their own food in their own containers would it really be the end of the world as you know it?

Edit: Sorry didn't mean to quote your post! Broadly speaking, I agree with you Nulla! Your key point is about being a good host - agree with you.

Those are things that you don’t eat because you don’t like them, not because you are an omnivore… all of those things are part of an omnivorous diet?

I can’t eat pulses/legumes so I’d struggle with the food at your barbecue, but I’d still come and eat what I could. Surely it’s a social occasion and the food, although important, isn’t the be-all and end-all of the event?

Why would you assume a vegan burger had quorn or soy in it? Quorn is UPF crap, fake meat is UPF crap. However a vegan burger doesn't have to be UPF crap. The op's sounds lovely but there is no way you would mistake it for meat.

That said, I agree that serving someone a vegan burger and telling them it's meat is unacceptable. It's not up to someone else to decide what I eat, particularly if they are serving me something I would not normally choose to eat (e.g. fake meat, and I say that as a vegetarian).

I am talking about OP though.

Why do people always assume that vegans live on soy and quorn? So ridiculous!

Yeah you had the terrible advice telling OP to lie and say you’ll get them meat burgers and slip them veggie ones instead.

I’m an omnivore, I think I’d like your BBQ better than meat. Barbecued meat can be nice but more often than not really isn’t as good as prepared on a conventional grill or panfried. Burnt or raw meat is probably far more unhealthy than a non-existent ‘nutrition gap’.

If, as a general rule (not just vegan but also don’t eat pork/don't eat shellfish/have coeliac/allergic to nuts, etc.) you can’t/won’t cater to people’s food requirements or preferences then you don’t invite them. They’re clearly uncomfortable with the food you will be serving so I wouldn’t put them through it. You have every right to your beliefs and if you don’t want meat or dairy in your house then you shouldn’t have it.

That said, one of the great joys of a barbecue to meat eaters is the meat - it’s probably the most meat focused meal you can eat, and if I showed up to a barbecue to be offered a chickpea burger and a quinoa salad I’d not be particularly thrilled. Let them eat at home and then they can come round for drinks and a bowl of crisps.

Can't you just meet on neutral ground, a park or wherever where you can each take your own food. It would avoid the whole issue.
You are determined to inflict your choices on them. They are equally determined not to accept that. It seems the acorn didn't fall far from the tree. You both sound very obstinate and inflexible.
I have to admit, I wouldn't be happy with vegan sausages. Those I have tasted so far have been horrible, the same as vegan cheese. Better to cook basic vegetables well.

I say this as someone who eats meat - do they never eat anything that doesn't involve dead things? Do they wrap bacon around a banana before they can eat it? They are being ridiculous. * *

The Tesco case is actual food fraud. Tesco violated trade laws, breached corporate contracts and misled paying customers.

OP would be serving her parents a burger made of vegetables instead of meat. There is no law which that violates.

Mono farming destroys the environment and local wildlife, requires the use of harmful pesticides and large amounts of fertiliser that leaches into local water courses and the nock on effects of that, the amount of water needed for artificial milk, deforestation to grow soya etc
Humans need Omaga oils for brain development and health that can only be gotten from meat then theres the difficulties getting enough calcium and iron without eating meat etc.
Then we have the problems with seed oils and UFPs (vegan meat, cheese and milk alternatives).
Basically theres no safe and fully nutritious way of being vegan without taking supplements that are made from meat/fish products which makes the veganisum somewhat redundant and pointless really

You can't eat anything vegan? No fruit, veg, beans, rice, chips etc?

Thats a ridiculous thing to say🙄 corn on the cob, vegan sausages, vegan burgers, vegan hot dogs, pepper and courgettes kebabs etc etc

The part where you advised OP to lie to them is ethically and morally wrong and IF they suffered any ill health effects from being fed something after being deceived by OP they could indeed file for damages under food fraud.

But because so frequently vegan food has contained soy and quorn (whilst people have reassured me it doesn't) and has made me ill, I give all vegan processed food or vegan mixed food a swerve. Of course I eat some naturally vegan things (like vegetables) but only when they are in their plain, fully recognisable form.

But at the end of the day, it is my choice what and where I eat, and it is perfectly fine for me to decline an invitation or a food for any reason I like.

Any person trying to force someone to attend an event they don't want to go to, or consume food they don't want to eat is a bullying, unreasonable areshole with no respect for others' autonomy tbh

I’m catering for all my guests tastes. I wouldn’t cook them normally for a BBQ because it’s extra work, I literally don’t see what being an omnivore has to do with it. You can’t say because people are meat eaters that they eat every vegan dish put in front of them. Chickpeas for example, unless it’s hummus I just can get on with them, I would never eat a chickpea burger.

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

I take it you eat meat when you go to theirs? I mean, surely one meat meal is fine, no?

Vegan's always assume that their choice trumps everyone else's. And you won't even let them bring their own food, as you can't have it in the house? Ridiculous!

I mean, if I was them, I would come and I'd eat the food, but Vegan food is mostly rank!

Struggled to read it after you used “gotten” 🙄

You and your DPs are being unreasonable...

OP has already said there's nothing like that.

I would never have a meat-only meal if I knew a vegan was coming over.

It really is. A lot of 'faux meat' products are eaten by people trying to cut down on meat.

Yep. You can’t grow good veggie crops without the fields being rotated, to include grazing of meat animals as their shit is the nest natural fertiliser. If you cut that step of crop rotation out, which would happen if vegans became the majority, then we only increase our dependency on artificial fertilisers which are made from OIL. Yes the fats of dead animals from millions of years ago all compressed into OIL. It’s not called a fossil fuel for nothing. And the OIL industry is destroying the climate.