AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

It all sounds tiresome and very controlling, Food is food.

Are open toed sandals a vegan thing?

I mean, I'm not vegan, just vegetarian, but I wear open toed sandals.
Am I doing sandals all wrong?
What should I be wearing?

Apologies if this is the wrong place and I should have posted on Style and Beauty.

YANBU. My neighbour is getting married next month and she and her DH to be are both vegans. The meal (that 46 people are going to be having) is going to be fully vegan - starter, main, and dessert, and around half a dozen people - all relatives over 55 - are whingeing and whining, and saying they're so annoyed about having to eat 'vegan shit' that they don't feel like going to the wedding.

The bride has said 'please your bloody self, but do let me know soon if you're not coming, so I can give someone else your place!'

And these people call Millennials and Gen Z 'snowflakes.' They need to take a look in the mirror!

You just keep saying it’s stupid or wrong. You haven’t said what difference it could possibly make.

They're being dramatic. Plenty of choice for them to eat

Barbeque is a method of cooking whatever you choose to put on a barbeque. If that's meat that's meat but let's not try and claim it's just something for meat eaters.

Surely plenty of BBQs have 'nutrition gaps'?

If they buy vegan food for you when they host then I see why they’d want that reciprocated.

Personally I think if you’re extending the invite you need to cater to their diet.

I eat loads of veggies but try to avoid the vegan substitutes as there are often huge amounts of weird UPF type ingredients in. So for me the veggi kebabs and some salads would be ok but I probably wouldn’t eat vegan burgers, cheese or the desserts by choice.

Ultimstely if you’re both being inflexible you won’t be able to eat together. And yes of course they won’t starve to death but TBH I wouldn’t be keen on going myself if I knew I wouldn’t enjoy the food or would be chewing it wondering what was in it. If someone invited me to a raw food night or a bone marrow and offal tasting session I’d probably give that a swerve too…

How old are your parents? Mine are over 80 and really only eat traditional food, I couldn’t imagine there is much that is vegan that they could eat.
Why not change the invite to afternoon tea/coffee?

Why does it have to make a difference?

As an adult, I want to be able to decide what I put in my mouth. That's really all there is to it.

We don’t use any products such as quorn as it makes us all ill!

This sounds incredible! They are being VU

The thing that stands out to me on this thread is how bloody picky some people are about food.

Given I do most of the cooking in my house anything cooked for me is a blessing.
I would literally eat a cushion if someone cooked it for me and did the washing up afterwards.

I don't understand anyone's saying that a vegan BBQ sounds (insert negative adjective).BBQ is just the technique that results in the flavour.

I don't host BBQs but I take my own food to my parent's and BBQs a lot.

I do kebabs with seitan 'meatballs', vegan burgers, vegan sausages, corn on the cob done on the BBQ and obviously have the buns/breads and salads, dips etc. What's so awful about it? I can only think it is from people who are just all about the meat.

If I were you OP I would shift the BBQ an hour later so that they can eat beforehand. Make sides/small dishes you think they may like so that they can nibble if they want, and then they can come, it is obvious you really want them there.

I don't like a lot of certain cuisines but I would still go to an event if I wanted to see people and just eat beforehand or nibble on the bits I do like.

Because food fraud is a crime and it would completely alienate her parents from her in much the same way as it would you if somebody feed you a meat burger and told you it was vegan

Because omnivores, by definition, do eat everything that vegans and vegetarians do?

Sounds delicious!!

They are either using that as an excuse as they don’t want to mix with a group of people who are vegans or they are very fixed in their ways. Do they have stereotypical views that are skewing their perceptions?

It sounds as if you’ve explained what specific food you will have there and its nutritional value, but they don’t believe you. Have you spoken enough about the nutritional value in detail? It does sound as though they have made up their mind though so no amount of discussion will change their mind.

is there anything else? A specific person invited that they don’t get on with. It’s a long drive. It’s early afternoon running into evening, and they don’t go out in the evening. It they have their own routine like bedtime at a certain time and are not willing to compromise?

Vegans choose not to eat meat and dairy. OPs parents choose not to eat a vegan barbeque. Neither are wrong. We're all entitled to make our own choices on what we want to eat, and what events we want to attend. As long as OP's parents were polite about it, there's really no issue. It's OK to decline an invitation to an event you don't want to go to. I wouldn't want to go to a vegan BBQ, or a vegan restaurant for that matter. I'd just politely decline the invitation, and expect this would be accepted politely and with good grace.

Well it could make someone quite ill for a start. Not everyone can tolerate a lot of veg and certainly not that quorn shite.

So, for example, I cant digest fake meat (you were talking about a substitute that people wouldnt notice right). But I dont go into details about all my disgusting gut problems if I think Im being offered something I can eat.

You are pushing veganism on to them. A nonpushy vegan would not refuse a guest bringing their own food because they won’t have it in the house. That’s being pushy imho. How would it affect you? It’s not like you have an allergy to foods made from animals or animal products.

As for nutrition gaps, I agree that’s a bit desperate but a polite host would not want to force food a guest finds unpalatable in the first place.

You must have asked can you bring a veggie burger to a meat bbq and can you use their oven so it’s not cooked on the grill with all the meat juices and you don’t have to be around the smells. Have bbq hosts ever refused you to bring your own vegan food as a guest? I know none of the hosts of bbqs I have gone to have ever refused a vegan guest bringing their own nor have I when I hosted. In fact I usually buy vegan bits and gluten free and dairy free etc because I’m a good host.

Treat your parents how you’d want to be treated when a guest at a regular bbq

lol! I can’t bear Quorn either. If it’s not on the menu, I’ll come and your DPs can stay away!

They are being ridiculous.

What do you do for other get together and christmas?

Voted YABU as they should be able to bring their Own food, as should you if the roles were reversed

Her parents do eat vegetables so it’s not remotely the same.

It is not fraud of any kind to serve your parents a vegan burger instead of a meat burger.