AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Yes, it doesn't feel like "normal food".
Typical vegan meals differ from traditional-eaters meals adjusted/filtered to be vegan-ok.

It feels too strange and people can be genuinely unsure whether they will find something too eat (especially if older people are conditioned against leaving uneaten food on the plate, so they can't touch things they are unsure about).

When two meal styles are too different, it is hard for (some) people to formulate what would help them.

I'd say I like vegetables, many meals at my home happen to be vegetarian without it being the goal, and sometimes even happen to be vegan. Still, we are closer to traditional eaters and the OP's menu would be 50:50 for me.
I'd skip the vegie burgers (unsure about what is in them/if I asked, quinoa doesn't work for me).
As for salads - I like beans, but I can't eat tofu. I like pasta and vegetables, but chilli would stop me.
I'd get the vegetable skewers, portobello, bread and houmous. Not bad.

My DF can't eat zuchini and tomatoes (texture issues) and isn't used to houmous and beans, so would end up with portobello and bread.

Can't imagine anyone does, they just want the choice like the veg veg frat get

If it’s a BBQ why can’t they bring their own items for the grill?

Vegans always ignore this. Cicadas don't count apparently. Only cows. But they worry about bees and stealing their honey! At least they are still alive not like the poor dead insects and small mammals going through the combine harvester.

I dont actually need meat as a substance. I would just like to feel for once that they cared about me and what I like . I bend over backwards to make sure my meals are perfectly vegan when my friends come. I like them very much but how about they go out and get a pint of milk so I can put it in my tea. Its so one sided. Its all about them and sometimes its feels selfish and thoughtless.

Good for you. Some vegans won't offer animal products when they cater for ethical reasons. You know this is the reason. If you don't respect that, fine, you're entitled to your opinion. No need to pretend you're not smart enough to understand it though.
Some households and may choose not to offer guests alcohol. Would you moan about how unfair it was because you had offered them soft drinks?

Despite my username, I do eat pretty much anything. This thread baffles me. I can’t believe how many people struggle to eat a meal without meat and dairy.

They may be ethically opposed to supporting the meat and dairy trade by buying the products. Many vegans would feel hypocritical in putting their money towards something they fundamentally disagree with.

It's all about offering the same choices as you offer them. Obviously not as smart as you by your tone, just like to ensure my family and friends are happy, that means more especially my parents. Alcohol wise will ensure it's available for those that drink even though I don't, it's about everyone enjoying themselves. Do you not eat during Ramadan out of respect for those that cant ?

Because the meat juices and fat would cross contaminate the vegan food? Her parents will live if they don’t have meat at one meal, surely? They can have bacon and eggs for breakfast rather than toast and cereal for a change, after all?

I just feed guests what they want and want to eat it is not difficult to me I dont have to eat the way they do

If they believe that doing without meat for one meal is going to damage their health irreparably, I'd love to know how they account for the fact that you are your family are still alive after the terrible nutritional deprivation you've imposed on yourselves.

I'd be tempted to tell them you've got burgers and sausages in just for them, then give them the vegan versions. I bet they won't notice the difference.

Because the op refuses to allow them to

They sound ridiculous!

Your food sounds delicious tbh! But even if they didn’t think so, they can surely just eat what they want from it and have something else later if they want to.

No one has to worry about “nutrition gaps” for one meal! Not every meal has to answer every nutritional need, especially not for adults. Do they never have an easy meal that misses out some food groups?

So many adult fussy eaters, no wonder lots of kids are too.

People are funny about meat.

No one says “well I like potatoes so much I simply have to have them at every meal” - or pasta or broccoli or any other particular thing.

Because the OP doesn’t want them to. If I do a BBQ with non meat eaters, I use a separate grill. The OP may not have two.

I do, I have to have potatoes too, can't have a meal without 😂chips jacket spud roasties mash any potato not fussy everywhere I've ever been always has potatoes

Your breakfast sound lovely to be fair. I could
incorporate some of them, my kids…not so much haha.

What they can't buy a pint of milk once every 6 months just to make an old friend a cup of tea? Surely they can get over their feelings of hypocrisy because they like me? But obviously not. In the vegan world those animals it appears come before your friends.
As I've made very clear. Its not because I cant go without meat or dairy. Its amazement really that the care I take with their food is not reciprocated or thought of in any degree at all. Its one sided always.

Your bbq sounds lush OP - can I come?!
your parents are being lame: you’ve invited them for a bbq which you will be hosting - of course the food you serve will be that which aligns with your ethics and values. Are your parents honestly saying they don’t eat vegetables, salad, bread?! I worry for their bowels if so if absolutely everything they eat contains meat, egg or dairy! My partner is vegan - in the 20 years we have been together my family has never provided him with a single meal at family events or when we are invited round to theirs - we have to take our own food- yet if we invite them round to ours they expect us to serve them meat (which we don’t). The mind boggles! Given your parents don’t cater for you I wouldn’t change your plans at all for them OP - they are actively choosing to be difficult and not attend.

Totally agree - I’m more than happy to cater for vegans,, although vegan cheese and many other vegan offerings offend my senses as to what constitutes ‘nice food’ - ( love good vegetarian though) but the lack of flexibility appears very one sided . Personally if I was the parents I would suck it up but maybe they simply don’t want to come and are using it as an excuse?

Sounds like stubbornness on both sides! It would be kind to let them bring their own food, so long as they don't cook it on your barbecue (someone said ham sandwiches?) Even though the parents appear inflexible, I would not try to dictate what other people eat.

But every time you cook a meal for someone, that's essentially what you do. How often do you have people over to eat and they sit there eating jam sandwiches and ignoring the food you've prepped because it's good they're fully capable of eating, do indeed eat but they refuse it in this specific context?

Im Gluten intolerant and I realised a long time ago that people would freak out if I said come over for dinner. They’d let their imagination run wild with what kind of mad gluten free options I might serve. Quinoa crumble? Cauliflower pizza? Spooooky…!!!

So I found it easier to say what I was cooking “dinner will be Chilli, Nachos, Dips,
Rice and Salad followed by Brownie and Icecream, is that ok”. People then tend to forget that it will be “GLUTEN FREE!!!” In fact they have sometimes remembered after the actual meal and been like oh blimey so that was Gluten free was it.

OP could it be that it you said -
“Hey come over for some food we are doing
mushroom kebabs, roasted peppers, potato wedges and rice salad? (I know this isn’t exactly what you said but for example) they might be less daunted than come for a barbecue where everything is “VEGAN”. (Vegan = also spooky)

This might not work as they might just be determined to be awkward at any cost to prove a point but I’m just trying to think of another approach for the future. If not for your folks maybe for other people with weird preconceptions but nothing to found them on?