AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

So we just leave out the meat then? Oh no wait, you won't want dairy or butter either, so I'd need to buy something more 'suitable'. Oh, and mayo is out because it has egg in it. And is custard and/or cream ok? I'm not Vegan, so I don't know. Ah, but maybe you're one of those Vegans who would expect me to research 'their' food? And what if I happen to think veggies have feelings?

Let them bring their own food, like my Vegan friends do. We agree to disagree about food.

Nothing I've posted is factually incorrect and as to how would you know that someone is dyslexic maybe dont be a nasty spiteful person who attacks posters for the way they spell and the pretends they wouldn't have if theyd known.
If you think I've posted incorrect information try pointing out what you have issues with instead of nasty comments about the poster.
Oh and I was only abilist because I disagree with you and that made me angry is no excuse
Also your opinion on people's allergies are about as useful as your opinion on my dyslexia

Yes but you dont just serve your vegan guests the potatoes and peas that youd have had with the steak, do you? Or the plain pasta that goes both the bolognaise.

Why

Why would it upset your children? Are they old enough to have made their own decisions, or were they not given a choice? If you have young children and they’re upset I would be asking what they’ve been told - sounds like they’ve been fed age inappropriate information. If they are young.

It would be fine by me. Far rather that than have my host complaining about what a lot of trouble I caused just by not eating things.

I am neither vegan nor vegetarian. I do have a vegan friend though who I host often. It really isn’t hard. Potatoes with garlic and lemon instead of mayonnaise based potato salad (for everyone, not just her). Chilli with beans instead of mince for everyone (can take out a portion before adding mince if you prefer). Homemade coleslaw you just buy the vegan mayo instead of normal mayo. Roast dinner you just get a couple of vegan sausages. It’s not hard or much effort to accommodate it when you’re hosting.

Ooh this is an interesting question. Vegetarians and vegans wouldn’t like it if they weren’t catered for would they? In fact, I often hear them complaining that even when they are catered for the options are bland and boring. But on the other hand, your parents could eat some protein for breakfast and dinner and still hit their nutrition target surely? I’m on the fence. I do think they are mainly protesting that you aren’t willing to provide a meat option rather than the actually caring about not eating meat for one meal. I suppose the difference is that they likely have fruits / vegetables / pulses in their house as well as meat as opposed to you who wouldn’t have meat in yours.

I hope you can work it out, you might just have to say ‘ok then.’ But I wouldn’t fall out about it because I can see why they might be disappointed if they’ve always catered for you.

Don't agree. It's perfectly doable but it is an effort and often requires a range of new/specialty ingredients. That said I love the vegans in my life (there are many) and am happy to cater for them.

Completely agree it's not hard at all, likewise the other way round

Really? I rarely eat meat but almost everything I and my children eat contains some sort of animal product. Cereal with milk, toast with butter, any non-vegan pastry, yoghurt with fruit, eggs on toast. I can’t even think of a breakfast that we have that contains zero animal product. It’s shocked me a bit thinking about it to be fair.

Because her parents will have no objection to plant based foods. They will consume them ,,-themselves daily, just as all omnivores do. So what reason could they have for refusing to serve these foods to OP?

- her parents can eat vegan food, they just don't want to

And the op CAN eat animal products, she just doesn't want to.

If I have vegan or vegetarian guests I do my best to accommodate them (including providing a clean cooking area and utensils separate from the cooking of animal products).
Why can't they do the same for their non-vegan family?

Yes exactly ,but vegans are a bit too special to provide a meal that might make their guests feel welcomed and cared for. Its only meat eaters that need to provide this thoughtful gesture.

Seitan, the highest g of protein per 100g of any food? TVP? Even the ubiquitous and very tasty beyond burger or redefine meat kofta kebab?

so many high protein options for people who will die if they don’t have 40g protein per 4 hours. Or they could just eat first if they’re that pathetic.

It’s they that are enforcing their ideology on others, not Op and her sociable generosity

The other way around is asking someone to disregard their beliefs though.

Massive scale deforestation, intensive monocropping. Huge use of water. Death of millions of insects from pesticides used to spray on their precious crops. Then the environmental impact of transporting them from the other side of the planet.

im not saying the meat industry is perfect either. Far far from it.

I choose a local diet. I buy locally grown fruit and veg. I grow as much as I can too. Yes this means I eat seasonally and have to preserve and freeze foods I might want out of season. I buy locally raised free range meat and dairy.
So I’m damned if I’m going to listen to a vegan start preaching at me that their food is more ethical or environmentally friendly than the way I choose to eat.

Is that vegan bread you are serving? I wouldn't go either. 😄I havent read the last 10 pages. Why can't they bring their own food?

No that's not an answer. They clearly do have an opinion otherwise there wouldn't be this post. Everyone has a choice that's the point and I know I go out of my way to cater for all choices when I invite people.

I think they are making a statement. Could you be the type of couple that comes across as disapproving/condescending to non vegans? Or maybe if you have kids they have concerns for them and this is how they express it? I have a friend whose kids are very short for their ages and the doctor told them to stop being vegan sp some people do hold these views.

I personally wouldnt be thrilled about a vegan bbq but id definitely still want to hang out with my daughter and family.

Yes I agree. The problem is it's so extreme they can't even comprehend the idea of animal products being in their house, so all that ends up happening is vegans get to dictate everything due to their 'distress' and 'views', and meat eaters just have to suck it up and gnaw on carrot sticks.

I never bother with butter if I’m not going to be able to taste it, so don’t put it on sandwiches or jacket potatoes with toppings (I love it on plain jackets though). So the jackets I mostly have with baked beans or bean chilli just naturally wouldn’t use any animal products.

Avocado on toast is good as a breakfast. I also love sourdough toasted with olive oil on the side of a bowl of beans that have been cooked until thick with tinned tomatoes, garlic, onions and herbs. Fruit salads are a nice breakfast too, as are overnight oats. I am a meat eater and don’t consciously avoid animal products. I just thought everyone would have staple meals that just coincidentally had no animal products.

I wouldn’t eat but pop in for a drink. Suggest they do this

Why do you need meat to feel welcomed and cared for?

Not in the UK cows and sheep predominately eat grass and hay, when there isn't enough hay they eat pea pods which are waste products from human crops ie peas.
Chickens eat wheat and corn husk mash with some pea protein and/or forage for bugs, so again mostly byproduct from food grown for humans