AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

My favourite veggie/vegan BBQ dish is aubergine! It’s delicious on the BBQ and loads of different dressing can be put on it.

Why can they not bring their own food?

I feel both sides are somewhat unreasonable. Is it just food you argue about?

I dont care about eating veggie or vegan meals. If the food agrees with me I'll eat it. What I do dislike is the vegan attitude that everybody has to fit in with them and their food choices.
How can it really hurt the OP to let her parents bring their own food into her house? Thats showing no flexibility at all.

No it doesn't harm us vegans, but it does harm the animals and that's what we're against?

Being a vegan in a non vegan world is hard because you have to face people eating animals everywhere you go which is distressing. Our houses are safe spaces where we don't have to see dead animals shoved into people's mouths - i don't allow dead animal 'products' into my house. It would upset me, upset my children and we shouldn't have to tolerate animal abuse in our own home.

I personally wouldn't be able to be friends with people who would insist on bringing meat or dairy into my home as they would be showing utter contempt for me and that isn't how friends behave.

My in-laws once snuck dairy cheese into my fridge and the smell was so hideous to someone not used to it and I was a former cheese lover. It really turned my stomach - again shouldn't have to put up with that in my own home. If I had turned up with half a Labrador in a cool bag they would have been upset as they love dogs, it's exactly how I feel about meat of any animal.

it is directly comparable. Can't and won't are not the same.

None of that sounds remotely appealing to me. I’d come just for the family gathering aspect, but I’d make sure I ate beforehand.

tofu, chickpeas, lentils and mushrooms - all disgusting. Really awful stuff.

Which means they DON’T eat Vegan foods if they’re pairing veggies with meat, or toast with butter and eggs.

So as those vegan foods at this BBQ aren’t going to be paired with the non vegan foods they eat, it’s not going to be a meal they’d usually want to eat, is it?

The point of coming is to see their child, not of enjoying the food.

I have never understood this attitude. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Of course the food is important, otherwise people wouldn’t go to the trouble of cooking lovely meals for their guests. Beans on toast or a bowl of tinned soup would do.

I think your parents are being illogical in their reasoning OP, but I also think it’s intransigent of you not to let them bring their own food. Their chicken or burger or whatever isn’t going to jump up and insert itself into your mouth.

There are a lot of vegetables and vegetable carbs that I can't eat, many of which i would enjoy if I could, and barbecued cabbage would be my idea of hell but I wouldn't ask to bring my own food or ask for special catering and certainly not on the basis of nutrition! I mean that is plain silly!

Sausages, burgers, meat kebabs- all disgusting. Really awful stuff.

but animals are destroyed to make vegan food...rabbits, pigeons and so on. So is that ok if you don't have to eat them?

Of course it’s not comparable. Don’t be silly.

How do you manage to be friends with people who eat meat and dairy if you regard them as animal abusers?

Or is it ok if they abuse animals, as long as it’s in their own home and not yours?

They are being ridiculously unreasonable. Its their loss really.
Your menu sounds AMAZING. Id love to be invited!

What, that I tell the truth? Unless someone has a particular food allergy / intolerance whereby eating that food makes them ill, then it is actually possible for them to eat from all food groups. I’ll tell you what though, if I were inviting people round for food I’d make sure that I had food in that they liked. I’d ask them if they had any dietary requirements and cater accordingly. My DH is, and always has been, vegetarian. I always cook veggie food for him. If he’s cooking for me and I fancy meat, he cooks it.

Why is it that 'Meat eaters' have to pander to Vegans, but it doesn't work the other way round? How would you like it if they said 'you can eat meat just this once'?

Fair enough. I am a meat eater and eat it every day but I would find having animal products in every single meal very rich.

I make, like many people of South Italian descent, minestrone without any of those ingredients. It’s delicious.

It’s piss easy to cater for vegans. You hardly have to make any adjustments.

They disagree with the meat industry. They’re not going to go against their principles.

Ok it’s better with pancetta or parmesan rind though

What do you cook at a vegan bbq?
I enjoy vegan food and will often choose it, especially in places where the meat is likely to be poor quality, but I can't think what you'd cook on a vegan bbq that would cover all the food groups.

Im not vegan but at our bbq we make :
Miso baked Aubergine
Tofu skewers
Marinated and Smoked tofu
Beetroot and sweet potato burger
Black bean burgers
Chared corn on the cob
Smokey javkfruit sliders.
Teriyaki tofu and pineapple skewers .

I normally make my chile from a Cookie and Kate receipe which one more than one occasion I have had to make more of as it has been so popular.
On the side I'll do a hummus, mango salad and coleslaw, flatbreads and pittas.

Everything gets eaten.

Everything here is dead easy and quick to make.

It’s a bit of a non argument either way.

Poster says people don’t eat animal products with every meal.

Other poster suggests they probably do.

Poster suggests ways they could eat that food differently (bubble and squeak without cheese??), completely disregarding what they DO do, which is eat animal products with almost every meal

I think the OPs family can eat non vegan food they just do not want too, same way as parents can eat vegan food but don't want too. It works both ways. It's not a food allergy.

OP I think as your parents offered to bring their own food YABU

Edited typos

I wouldn't go to a vegan barbeque- it would be like seeing all the lost Greek statues with clothes on - it would be pointless.
They are probably mentioning nutrional value to let you down lightly because they just don't fancy it, especially as you refuse to compromise.
A nice family get together is not nice if you have had a flat refusal to your suggestions for being catered for- if there won't be anything they want to eat you can't complain if they don't want to come.