AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Yes but they're vegetarian meals to me. Bread with butter, soup made with butter and cream, same in the mashed potato. I just can't think when I don't have dairy products in meals.

Ah yes. The very common allergy to empathy.

Its considered food tampering. Never feed anyone something with unknown ingredients. Its extremely dangerous.

You put butter and cream in minestrone soup?

They're missing out, some of the best food I ever ate was from vegan restaurants I would not have tried if not for a vegan coworker who had a hard time finding vegan options (local cuisine not very vegan-friendly). Felt like a phony though.

A traditional comforting dish they love is a great idea. Not sure I could keep myself from making a show of serving them a plate with two multivitamin pills alongside.

You can decline a wedding invitation for any reason so that’s fine. I can understand for ethical reasons a vegan not wanting to cook/buy meat, but not allowing someone else to bring their own dish for their own consumption in your home feels like you’re trying to police what someone else is eating.

I wouldn’t go to a vegan bbq, bbq is meat and beer.
I appreciate everyone is different but would you like it they said they are doing a bbq and they won’t have any vegan options? Don’t want it in the house! Would you happily go and just eat later?

I wouldn't make minestrone soup. I make vegetable soups with butter and cream, yes. And if I have bread with the soup, I put butter on it.

If you’re making it from scratch you are probably sautéing the veg in butter. It adds flavour!

More animals are killed to maintain the fields than you think, and none of them are then eaten or used in any meaningful way. Its just considered waste. Thousands of rabbits, and other animals.
Then there is the ethical issues of sourcing quinoa. An entire local population that was dependent on the grain to survive, only to be priced out of being able to afford it, because its the new superfood in the Western World. While the local population is left to starve.

@veganbbqdrama

How old are the parents?

My parents - War babies, - meat and veg , that was it. That was a balanced meal and they didn't go in got all "this new fangle ideas"

One daughter is muslim with 2 muslim children. Mother never got on board with having two BBQ's . She thought that a couple of beef sausages and burgers - all was fine

I push through DH's ideas of what a balanced meal should be ( meat and veg ) , but its taking time

Your parents probably dont know anyone else close enough to have thought about different diets

When I want DH to eat veggie - I dont tell him. Tonight we had enchiladas - he thought there was chicken in it cos he saw me stripping a carcuss , but there was none, just beans and mushrooms and the usual peppers and onions, and he lashed it into him and is taking the left overs to work

Really? Most people don't buy vegan, bread/cereal/milk. Most people have cows milk in tea/coffee. I have had to regularly cater for allergies, vegan and halal. A lot of supermarket fruits are coated in things like beeswax. Shellac is regularly used. A lot of preservatives that are commonly used aren't vegan.
I've been vegan, but I don't like cold rice or cold, tomato based pasta dishes. Spicy foods are starting to disagree with me. Although I'd have crisps/popcorn and eat later, if there was a vegan wine I fancy. My favourites aren't vegan. It sounds as though they are getting to an age were anything they aren't going to like is considered too much trouble. It's only older people on here who aren't allowed to turn down invites.

I have a BBQ every week in the summer and host neighbours, friends, family, whoever is around. Usually around 12 people or so. We are vegan and so obviously our BBQ is vegan. We do beyond burgers and sausages, coleslaw, potato salad, aubergine, Portobello mushrooms, satay tofu skewers, rum pineapple, salad, jacket potatoes etc.

Never had a single complaint and yet to have someone not return! It's about the company, the food, the hospitality etc.

My in laws are like your parents, and although they will come for dinner, they bloody well moan because it's not meat and two veg - they are the worst cooks I've ever come across so I don't pay it much notice but do avoid things that really upset them like lentils or spices/ flavour, or tofu fid forbid.

All these people that need to eat an animal or it's juices at each meal and can't stomach a bean or lentil seriously worry me. I just picture heart disease and colon cancer not to mention high blood pressure from all the frothing at the mouth they have to do every time someone mentions a vegan sausage 🤣 won't someone think of the UPF and airmiles from avocados gasp

Veggie kebabs are tasty but beans, lentils etc are things that you need to be used to eating and do make some people very bloated and unwell, my dsd feels pretty ill (I thought she was just being fussy so snuck in chickpeas with a curry, made her bloated) she also can’t tolerate mushrooms. I think your digestive system adjusts to eating pulses if you do eat them.

top tip - quartered sweetheart cabbages spritzed with olive oil and sprinkled with sumac BBQs well.

i personally won’t eat upf so ready made vegan pretend meat, cheese etc i would reject but happy to eat bbq veggies

Minestrone has pancetta and Parmesan in it. And often chicken stock.

Without any of these it wouldn’t taste of much.

Mine doesn’t.

You can buy UK grown quinoa and it's not just vegans that eat quinoa.

More crops are produced to feed animals than humans so your argument regarding field animals that are accidentally killed in crop farming supports veganism. It takes far more crops to feed animals for humans to eat than it would to farm crops for humans to eat.

She CAN eat non vegan food, she just doesn't want to.

I totally respect the choice but let's remember it is a choice

Thats likely the other way round too. OP can eat or handle non-vegan food, she just doesnt want to.

But not ON IT’S OWN.

This sounds delicious! Please can I come instead. This is very bizarre behaviour. I generally eat vegetarian but mixture of vegan/veggies and massive carnivores in our family. Definitely fair bit of banter about it but generally everyone respectful to everyone's else beliefs/diets. They're missing out!

I don’t blame them!

There are precisely zero meals I eat that don’t contain either meat, fish or dairy.

I never said it was.

Wait until they find out that lots of foods are naturally vegan. This is absolutely ridiculous on their part - it's not like you are banning them from your house unless they convert - it's just one meal. Surely they can have a bacon sandwich in the car on the way. What is your relationship with them like? Is this them trying to have some power over you?