AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

While I agree with this, if you are a vegan you won’t care about meat and it’s not really on to expect a vegan house to bbq you meat so you could just suck it up for one meal even if it one your favourite?

There will still be side salads, vegan coleslaw isn’t bad.

Stuffed peppers
Mushrooms
Bean Burgers
Corn on the Cob

Not especially exciting but not awful and missing the point to not go.

But omnivores eat everything so should be able to cope with a vegan meal.

it would make my heart sink to attend a vegan meal / BBQ (and we do ensure we have vegetarian meals most weeks). It does always feel like side dishes. But that’s my preference.

Oh you absolutely can sorry. I went through a phase when some meat was giving me the ick and we have burgers a lot for tea so I tried them for a while. They were nice but once I went back to the real thing I really could tell the difference

I'm sure the OP's mum gave her some nice and acceptable things to eat when she was growing up. A shame she can't return the favour.
I'm a happy carnivore but if the burgers were home-made, I'd eat all on the menu except the fake puddings. My daughter couldn't as anything that contains pulses or lentils makes her stomach swell and gives her raging guts ache

I don't see why they can't turn up with a cheese and pickle sandwich. it's your mum and dad for goodness sake. life is fragile, you won't always have them. why fall out over a butty?

No wonder animal welfare is so dire in this country! So many people who are unwilling to have a single meal without meat!

Obviously, vegans aren't going to buy meat products.

I'm really surprised that anyone thinks you are unreasonable. It's just one meal.

I think it’s the spending money on them I understand - if you disagree with it you don’t want to support it. But would it really matter if the parents brought their own and cooked it after the vegan stuff?

My husband is a dedicated and committed carnivore, and has happily gone for meat-free meals at the homes of vegetarian and vegan friends, including a vegan wedding. It's one meal he says, not a big deal.

I think some vegans would be ok with it, some wouldn't. I can understand that many vegans wouldn't want animal carcass being cooked in their garden, given their moral opposition to the exploitation of animals.

"gotten" is correct usage if you're American.

Most animals eaten in this country graze on grass and hay and when that isn't available pea pods which are a waste byproduct from human crops.
So no crops aren't grown to feed the animals that meat eaters eat.
Also much of the land that is used for grazing wouldn't be suitable for food crops.
And as for your claimed health you are either taking supplements made from animal products or your lieing

Oh I’ve just re-read op @veganbbqdrama you WONT allow them to just bring their own? I think this is where you are being a bit unreasonable. And yes they are being unreasonable not to just eat what you provide too but it would be in your garden, not even in your fridge and you wouldn’t be paying for it. This is probably why it feels to them that you are being sanctimonious

For the sake of family harmony, I'd tell them they can bring sandwiches or whatever and just suck it up. Their company is more important than what they're eating for one meal. I would be very clear though that you won't cook meat on your BBQ, that's a step too far.

I'm vegetarian and can't abide most vegan food, it's all so highly processed (talking about dairy alternatives). I'd be a bit put off too, I'm afraid. The very thought of a vegan cheesecake is grim.

The one and only vegan wedding we went to the food was so dire one of the guests went to his hotel room for a depression nap and never returned!

It could have been nice - hummus, flat breads, maybe a Sicilian caponata, whatever.

Instead it was a celebration of tofu and it was truly terrible

How old are your parents? How adventurous/modern are they with their food? Never mind the vegan thing, the older members of my family have never eaten lentils, chickpeas, sweet potatoes or quinoa. Is this food outside of their experience or comfort zone and they're using the label of vegan food as an inaccurate catch all. Do they like mushrooms? Or vegetables? Do they just eat them because they know they should, but consider them only as an accompaniment to meat.

Vegan ice-cream and vegan cheesecake are not in any way the same as the real thing. I wouldn't eat them. The fresh fruit sounds lovely though

We eat vegan food often but agree with PP that a vegan bbq is a bleak prospect. A vegan curry - now you’re talking!

Um, eat a burger in the car on the way?

FFS.

They're making a point. Stick to your guns. And post happy family pics with yummy food afterwards.

Can I come instead of them please? I'm a meat eater but your foot sounds delicious and I'm a crap cook.

Ridiculous. It’s just people making silly points that a BBQ isn’t a BBQ unless there is meat. It seems to inflame (excuse the pun) people.

You’ve clearly no idea what you’re talking about. So many factual errors I don’t know where to start!

My only issue with vegan food is the plant based meat alternatives. I don't like processed food, but they cause awful dumping syndrome so I just can't eat them.

The food you're serving sounds fab!

Whenever this topic comes up on MN I always wonder if people just don’t like their friends and family. I can’t imagine not going to a family member’s house for one meal because I didn’t like the food they were serving (allergies aside). Or not go to a wedding because they are serving food I wouldn’t choose. Surely we go to these things to see the people we love.

I also don’t understand why there is an assumption that vegan food means quorn or upfs . All the long term vegans I know cook with veg, pulses etc rather than fake meats

Sorry but I don't understand this at all. You are inviting people to a BBQ. Therefore, you consider what the people coming would like to eat. If you are insisting on it being vegan because of YOUR choices, then to me that is selfish. It's even more selfish to not let them bring their own food.

We have a similar issue with my sister and brother in law, who refuse to come to family meals if they're booked at non vegan restaurants. So anytime we have a family event, we have to eat vegan food, which we HATE. Yes our choice, but why does it always have to be up to them? Why do they not allow people to eat what they want to eat? Whether at restaurants or bringing their own food?