AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

Kaleb is… 28

As it stands, his daughter is not abroad but considering applying for a visa to Australia

I'm from Scotland but live in London with my London-born husband. Much as it pains me, I believe it would be unreasonable for me to suddenly decide I want to go back to Scotland and expect him to comply. This was never the deal.

I can see why you want to go but it's not on his radar at all by the sounds of it so I do think it's unreasonable to expect him to agree to such a move.

So you want a man who has never been tro Australia, to sell his farm, move half way around the world just because it is what you want?

We are and that’s what attracted me to him

He’s been to Cyprus. twice, Canada, The Maldives, Germany/Austria many times and 3 Greek Islands. But never Australia.

I don’t know TBH.

Surely no one is going to agree to move to a country they've never even visited OP? And then there's the fact that your DH doesn't like flying, which is a fairly big hurdle to moving to Australia unless he is prepared to travel by ship instead. You sound mindlessly optimistic, but reading this thread I have no hope that you'll get him to move to the far side of the world. I reckon the best you can hope for is for you to visit annually for as long as you can as a visitor and remain resident in the UK. Presumably your DDs will visit the UK sometimes too?

You can’t emigrate there at your age! My son is out there. It’s not possible and would take years. Also no free healthcare

My daughter and her boyfriend live over there on a student visa, they’ve been there 4 years and have just had to fork out over 8k in Aussie Dollars to extend it for 3 years. She has a good job and her bf has just finished a PhD over there but neither field is on the skills list so they are struggling to get pr. They are fearful that the new immigration laws coming in will prevent them from ever living there permanently.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. A couple I know did this recently. They have adult kids and grandkids there and didn't want to keep doing the long flights. They wanted to rent their house out here in case it didn't work out but ended up having to sell as Australia wanted more £s in their bank. I think, maybe as one of them developed an illness whilst waiting for the visas. Health checks are part of the process. This couple were in their 70s. I was thrilled for them.

Pack and go for a long.........visit
It might just shift him

As a fellow farmers wife I am surprised you even asked your husband. A lot of farmers have roots deep in the ground and will refuse to move from the their farm

Isn’t there lack of accommodation issue in Oz as bad or worse than the UK because of high COL and high rents.

Young people are living in their cars because either lack of availability of rental accommodation.

Having lived in Oz , getting older I would worry about climate change - floods or baking heat or plagues of mice, a few years ago now.

No i don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Of course you want to be near your daughters and your grandchildren plus you love Australia too! I think you just need to persuade your husband i bet if you could persuade him to come on holiday first he would love it. My parents went to visit my sister and they were older than you. They loved it and given half a chance they would have stayed!

OP I love your energy. I hope it all works out for you .

Trying to persuade him to make a move that big is wrong. He's never even wanted to visit, if he agreed to go it would be under duress.

You need to decide whether you want to stay here with your DH, or leave him to live near your daughters.

I don't have any advice/knowledge on emigrating to Oz but I just want to say I really, really love your positive attitude and cup half full mentality, it’s refreshing! Good luck with all of this, I hope it works out for you :)

I sincerely hope that you can get your husband there for a holiday and then he sees how lovely it is/how happy you are etc. Don't give up. Find out all you can about the Visa situation. You sound like an amazing lady having lived overseas and travelled lots - you are an inspiration. Try your very best to move and be with your family. Sending very best wishes...