AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

OP, go for it! Life is too short. After your youngest DD emigrates, what’s here to keep you? You will miss them too much

talk to DH again, explain to him all the reasons / benefits of moving vs staying here. Sell your assets here, look for opportunities in Oz - maybe he could continue farming as his hobby over there. It’s our family / relationships that we need to be happy.

I think you need to be prepared to leave DH behind (which will be unpopular opinion here) but you need to put yourself first and you deserve to be happy.

good luck!!! Hope you will navigate all admin re. visas 🤞🤞🤞

I would absolutely go OP, you like Australia and your family is there.
You’re not unreasonable in the slightest, if you can make it work you should. You’ve got means to live on and your daughters are on board so why not? Life is too short!

Well no one’s perfect are they? I know I have faults too! Did I say he wasn’t bothered? Maybe I did!

Never, but there again I had a place in Dubai for 20 years and he never went there either

You sound chronically mismatched!

I’m going to try to persuade him As I was told by my mother often, if at first you do t succeed, try try try again !

Just be careful you don’t cross the line into bullying him.

Unfortunately we are estranged. But that’s a whole different thread.

It's not Butlins. People just can't go and stay there. There is a massive housing crisis currently, unlikely to get better any time soon, and there is a huge push from major political parties etc to reduce migrant numbers - and hardly a desire for extra elderly people with an ageing population struggling to find places in age care or home help as they age in place.

None of this bodes well.

No DD1 is 49 and been there 9 years. DD 3 is 30 and just got married. Sorry if I’ve confused you!

Good on you. I’d move in your position! Go be with your kids. He can’t work on a farm forever!

I think you’re right but I shall give it my best shot at both of us going. It’s not over till the fat lady sings, as they say. My cup is always half full.

How many times has he even been abroad? I’m surprised that you’re surprised he’s not enthusiastic given he’s never, not once, accompanied you on any trip to Australia.

And if he insists that in his mid 70s he’d like to stay in the home he’s lived in since birth… which way will you go?

Don’t know if already mentioned, but state pensions will remain at the rate when leaving the U.K., no yearly Increases paid

No shit…my answer was to OPs question of whether she was unreasonable to want to go.

She’s not unreasonable to want to go at all, and if she has the means and the country allows her to enter and stay under sponsorship of her daughters then all power to her.

If Australia says it doesn’t want her then no harm no foul, she can visit 3, 6 or 12 months depending on type of visa she applies for. Assuming housing isn’t an issue if she’s staying/living with her daughter(s).

Her question was actually "AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

Her husband doesn't want to go to even visit the country. So, she is unreasonable to expect him to want to move there. Even if "life is short".

Exactly

the Op should have put that in the Op. he has never, not once, accompanied her on any visit to Australia

I wonder how often the man has even been abroad. He sounds like a home body. And nothing wrong with that. Especially in his mid 70s

Have a look at Kaleb on Clarkeson‘s Farm. He went off to Australia for the experience. Maybe the connection of farming would help increase his interest

How old is this Kaleb?

i really feel for you, it must be difficult with all children abroad. i also appreciate when DH is coming from, most land lovers feel this responsibility to there land and would never ever even consider leaving it, Would you consider extended hoildays in Austrailia and come and go.