AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

From what I’ve seen (I’ve been 5 times but just for 3 weeks at a time as I still work) I really like Australia. No my DH has no other children, he has not been married before he met me.

I’ve never said I will leave my DH, I want us to go together. I would like to spend what time we have left with our family. We have all just been together for 2 weeks in Greece for our youngest DDs wedding. I miss seeing my family growing up. It’s just not the same on FaceTime.

Subclass 804 is an onshore non-contributory parent for a parent aged 67 or older which does not require payment of a 2nd VAC and with a reduced AoS bond.

I have a few friends whose family have joined them (I’m in Sydney), applications are always made from outside the country, you can’t just live in Australia and hope they take years to get around to assessing your application (well some people do but that is whole different conversation). It was also very, very expensive. There is reciprocal healthcare but it is a condition of certain visas that you have to have private health care as well which is expensive.

I really hope you manage to work it out and are able to join your kids, I would start with a visa agent so you know what to expect. Good luck.

The child has to have been resident for 2 years AND apply to be sponsor before the Op could even apply for this

You have a happy marriage? Perhaps read how you describe him on this very thread

The first clash, but a huge one, and you're putting it that he's obstinate and selfish has 'decided he doesn't like flying', rather than that you are very different people with different needs and wants. How are the two of you going to resolve this? The practical issues are the least of it, and you seem well able to deal with those.

It's very expensive and there is a long, long wait...

Cost: from AUD 8,665 over two instalments for a single applicant.

Processing time: 33 years, per the Department of Home Affairs' most recent published estimate (31 May 2026).

That seems improbably long!

Realistically, what kind of medical is going to set 5 year medical costs for those in their 70s/80s at that kind of figure? Are people of that age often approved?

My parents were very sprightly until their late 70s, just their prescriptions must be more than that now.

Have you been working for the last 30 years whilst he’s been farming?

Has he been a loving and supportive step parent to your children?

Yes, processing time 33 years!

Parent visas queue release dates
Subclass 804 Aged Parent visa

Once again, in case you missed it, my DD and family have been in Australia for 9 years!

Yes, I’ve worked full time since our youngest was 1, I’m still working PT but about to retire. DH has been fully supportive to all of my children. He is a good person or I wouldn’t be with him. I had a bad first marriage, I gave it 20 years and realised I was flogging a dead horse.

But you describe him as selfish, not bothered and makes decisions without consulting you?

Out of interest, how many times has DH accompanied you to Australia on one of your visits?

What about your daughter in Moldova? When would you get to see her?

This is a strange collection of false "facts". Are you thinking of the USA?

My mum retired there, so I’ve been lots of times. My brother also did some of his training there so have stayed for extended periods on Perth, Cairns and Sydney. I’ve e peroencef both living and tourist … living side I didn’t like, tourist was good but I’d not go again now unless it was for a specific reason

This sounds really difficult. I think the first thing to do would be to really research fully into the cost of living, visas and your money situation. You need to find out if it’s truly possible before discussing this properly with your DH. I don’t think you’re unreasonable for wanting to go and be close to your children and grandchildren.

It might sound blunt but Australia doesn’t want you (the Australian government that is). I’m sure you’re lovely but we have enough issues with our aging population without adding more older people who have never laid into the tax system.

See this article about how impossible the visa system is for older parents https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2026/aug/07/australia-parent-visa-processing-applicants-die-waiting

So just to be clear: You have one DD with your current husband, and two DD from a previous marriage. The one that has moved to Australia (you called DD1) is the one with your current husband, and then one that is intending to (you call DD3) is the younger one from your previous marriage?

Luckily exclamation marks are free there though!!

We are likely going to Germany or Sweden next year ( lived in Copenhagen for 2 years at Covid time) the biggie is the finances OP- and health - when you aren’t part of the system then lots of beauracracy kicks in that a citizen who lives there doesn’t notice and takes for granted - before it’s discussed in detail, you need the ins and outs of a ducks arse researched and listed and a total picture of the ‘how’ - including housing - Australia is expensive and you would need a ton of cash at hand .and we are early/mid 60s so different things matter at this stage compared to someone going mid 20s who is looking for an experience and will be able to work- we are taking our portable business with us and plan on at least 6 years more with it paying into their system, and even then thanks to Brexit we have to jump through multiple beauracratic hoops

Your mum loved it?

No.

Dh’s step child emigrated to Australia 9 years ago
His child is only considering emigrating to Australia
middle child is in Moldova